


The Raven

by boywholivednotdied



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, I'm a sucker for pining ok, Jealousy, Love/Hate Relationship, M/M, Modern Royalty, Modern magic AU, Mutual Pining, Pen Pals, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-01-11 21:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 69,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boywholivednotdied/pseuds/boywholivednotdied
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will's antics had always been ridiculous, but when one of his dumb capers causes Merlin to inadvertently fall in love with a boy on the internet, things start getting a little complicated. Modern Day AU. Based on the movie 'You've Got Mail'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! So this is my first long Merlin fanfic. Given that this show is the reason I've been depressed since Christmas 2012, I decided to write a light, romantic fic instead of angst because we already have enough of that from the real show. Also, in case the T rating didn't tip you off, there's no smut... sorry!
> 
> A few things:
> 
> 1) The story is set in a modern day Camelot. Which basically means that it's like modern day, except they're living in Albion not England and the kingdoms are set up in the way they are set up in the show. ALSO the university system is a little bit different from the current British university system.
> 
> 2) I'm Indian. a.k.a. Not British. So if my slang is a bit off, I apologise. I tried to make it as accurate as I could, but shit happens.
> 
> 3) This is loosely based off of the Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movie 'You've Got Mail', but this fic was also inspired by a Wicked fan fiction by Vinkunwildflowerqueen also called 'You've Got Mail' (on fanfiction.net). This is in no way a copy of her fanfic, it's just that it was her fic that gave me the idea to put Merlin and Arthur in a 'You've Got Mail' type situation in a university setting so I thought I'd mention it. But yeah, if you like Wicked you should check her fic out because it's great!
> 
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. Hope you enjoy it!

 

 

Merlin was in his seventh year when he was speed-walking down the school hallway and accidentally crashed into a distracted brunette who was hovering near a bulletin board, making him spill his cola all over himself.

"I'm so sorry!" Merlin had stammered, "I was trying to make it to Economics before the bell!"

Merlin waited for an angry retort, but was instead greeted by howls of laughter. He stood blankly before the sopping boy, looking from the white shirt he had ruined to the green eyes that were streaming with tears.

"What?" he asked, when the red-faced boy finally stopped laughing.

"Nothing." The boy replied, wiping his eyes. "I just didn't realize there were people in this school who were that excited to get to Economics class."

Merlin later told his mother that he hadn't ever met anyone so peculiar. Which is why, he admitted, he had to become friends with him.

It had been six years since that day. Six long, wonderful years that comprised of eating buckets of ice cream while yelling at the telly, of almost burning down the kitchen, of music festivals, sombre conversations and lip-syncing to dramatic Beyoncé songs while the other kids were off smoking in 'the alley'. After six years of friendship, Will was more of a brother to Merlin than his actual half-brother was. Not that Galahad was a bad brother. But the large difference between their ages, and the unfortunate fact that Galahad had moved to the outskirts of Camelot, kept the two boys from being anything more than adoring acquaintances. Will, on the other hand, had been there through it all. He'd laughed when Merlin choked on his first cigarette, patted him on the back when he'd had his first kiss, defended him when Henry Miller had called him an emaciated owl and shrieked with joy when Merlin had announced he'd gotten into Sorsbrooke. What meant the most to Merlin, however, was the way he had reacted when Merlin had told him his secret.

Merlin could remember the day vividly.

He had known Will for a year and a half at that point, and he finally felt like enough time had passed in their relationship to tell him the truth. He later told Will that he had been 'nervous', but that was actually a colossal understatement. He was so anxious he could barely breathe.

Hunith had advised him not to. "People change when they find out things like this," she had warned him, "I would wait a while longer."

But Merlin had insisted. "You're the one who taught me that it's nothing to be ashamed of. That it makes me special. How can I let Will call me his best friend when he doesn't know something that's such an important part of me?"

He'd known it was dangerous. After all, his revelation could result in a lot more than just a broken friendship. But he trusted Will. So he had gathered his courage, dropped his gaze and said the three terrifying words.

"I have magic."

He remembered hearing Will's breath hitch right before the room dropped into a steely silence. Merlin had continued staring at his shoes, heart pounding, not daring to look up and see the expression on his friend's face.

Finally he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, and glanced up to find himself staring into those familiar green eyes.

"And despite that, you still haven't found a way to fix your hair." Will shook his head, reprovingly. "Honestly Merlin, there must be some sort of spell to keep it from… jumping all over the place. It looks like it's trying to run away from your scalp."

That was Will. Flippant, obnoxious and an absolute joy to be around. Which is why it killed Merlin that in a few short months he'd be leaving Ealdor - and the two people he loved the most in the world - to attend Sorsbrooke Academy in Camelot.

* * *

"I'm so bored!" Will whined, emphasising his words with a feigned nasal tone. He sat up on the bed and threw Merlin an accusatory look from across the room.

"I have to study." Merlin reminded him, waving the thick book in the air before opening it up again.

"Why?" he demanded, "You already got into university."

"That doesn't mean I want to fail sixth form."

Will flopped back onto the bed, making the bedsprings screech in protest.

"I can't believe you're leaving," he mumbled.

Merlin peered up from his book and watched his best friend stare at the faded glow-in-the-dark stars Galahad had stuck on the ceiling all those years ago.

"Will?" He asked, cautiously.

The boy didn't respond.

It made Merlin's heart ache when Will fell into such silences, because it was a reminder of just how much his looming departure was affecting him. Will usually gave off an air of nonchalance regarding everything, so seeing him brood made Merlin want to apologize a thousand times more for choosing Sorsbrooke over Ealdor's Sera University.

But Merlin knew he'd made the right decision. While it pained him to leave Will (and even more so to leave his mother) it was essential that he get away. He'd never set foot outside of Ealdor, yet he'd grown up knowing that he didn't fit in. He'd always been a friendly and outgoing person, but apart from Will he hadn't really been able to relate to the kids he went to school with. They were close-minded, unable to fathom that there was a world beyond the narrow walls of their stifling town. It wasn't that Merlin wasn't happy with his life in Ealdor… he just never felt like he served any purpose there.

"I promise I'll keep in touch," he said, earnestly.

"I won't have time to read your colossal emails," Will groused. But he sat up on the bed and glared at Merlin.

"Why are you going anyway?"

There was a short pause as Merlin stared helplessly back at him, desperately seeking the right words. But once again they evaded him, and he settled instead for his trademark answer. "You know why."

It was vague, but somehow Will seemed to understand. He scowled at Merlin like a petulant child who had just been denied a chocolate bar.

"But why Camelot? It's so bloody far away. Why don't you go somewhere closer? Somewhere in Ascetir?"

"I… don't know."

"You want to be closer to your old pal, Uther Pendragon, is that it?"

Merlin grimaced, the name filling him with a rage he didn't often feel. "Don't talk about that old troll."

"Then why the hell do you want to go there? He's the bloody king, you know that, right?"

Merlin shrugged uncertainly and received a withering look from Will in response.

"I honestly don't know," Merlin confessed. "The university sounded fantastic, the campus is gorgeous…"

"You  _want_ to leave, don't you?"

They stared at each other again - Merlin's light blue eyes trying to hide their distress and Will's green-brown ones filled with determination. As expected, Merlin broke first, sighing deeply.

"I just want to see what it's like."

"Why?" Will demanded.

Merlin internally flailed to find the words to explain. 'To find my purpose in life' would sound melodramatic and empty, even though it was the truth. He'd been born a child of magic in a world where magic was banned. He was like a werewolf in a land of hunters, hiding in plain sight but scared of the day when he would be discovered. Merlin didn't believe in a god, but he'd always felt like he had been put on earth for a reason. He refused to believe he was just a pig bred for slaughter. He had never told Will (or his mother) because he knew they would misunderstand… but he'd always felt like he was just half a person. Incomplete. A puzzle missing a piece right in the centre of the picture.

And he knew the missing piece wasn't lying at home.

"Because I don't know what it's like," Merlin said, simply. "I've never been outside of Ealdor. I just want to explore other kingdoms."

Merlin could practically see the thoughts raging in Will's mind.

_Then why don't you wait till we graduate and we'll explore other kingdoms together._

_How can you abandon me here?_

_I know you want to do this alone… but why?_

But he knew Will would never voice what he was feeling. He never did.

"I'm bored." Will said eventually, looking around the room.

Merlin rolled his eyes, and turned back to his book.

"Where's your laptop?"

He waved a listless hand towards his bedside table and Will grabbed the thin Macbook with enthusiastic glee.

"Your password is still Eragon, right?"

"Yeah."

Will snickered, "You are such a dork."

"Hey!" Merlin protested, "Eragon was a fantastic book. You would know if you read it."

"I watched the movie. Eragon was a very badly CGI-ed dragon."

"Ok firstly, the movie is utter rubbish. Secondly, Eragon is the boy, not the dragon and third something cannot be CGI-ed. CGI stands for…"

"Way to prove you're not a dork, dragon boy."

Will's head was buried in the laptop, and Merlin could hear him typing furiously.

" _I'm_ the dork? You're the one who practically started crying when Andrew Scott signed your copy of 'The Final Proble…."

"What's your email address?" Will asked, interrupting him.

Merlin frowned, "critter95 at 5kmail… why?"

"No reason."

He looked at Will suspiciously, and the boy gave him a guileless smile before turning back to the computer screen. Merlin was about to turn back to his book when a sudden realization hit him and he groaned.

"You're not changing my facebook status to 'Merlin is a dingbat' again, are you?"

Will laughed. "No, but that was hilarious."

Merlin threw down his book, accepting that studying for his upcoming History test was a fruitless endeavour while Will was in his house, and sat down on the bed beside him, trying to peer over his shoulder.

"Honestly, what are you doing?"

"You'll see," Will said, moving the laptop away.

Merlin didn't like the impish glint he had in his eye. He lunged for the laptop, but the brunette anticipated his move and held the device out of reach.

"What are you doing?" Merlin demanded, getting on his knees and trying to grab the laptop again. "If you are downloading another Hannah Montana album, I swear to god…"

Will finally brought the laptop down and dumped it on the bed-spread. Merlin stared perplexed at the purple web-page open before him.

"The Raven?" He asked, turning to Will uncertainly, "What's this?"

"You've never heard of it?" Will asked, disbelievingly, "There are ads for it everywhere."

Merlin stared at the computer screen. The page was cluttered with white boxes filled with text, above which hung the title written in calligraphic black lettering. The namesake bird was perched on the 'n', staring down at the tagline: _The Raven will show you the way._

Merlin snorted, "The Raven will show you the way? To what? The loser who came up with that line?"

He reached for the laptop, but Will grabbed it from the bed.

"I'm not done creating your profile yet." He said, matter-of-factly.

"My  _what?"_

"Your profile. This is a pen-pal website."

"Huh?"

Merlin leaned over Will to get a better look at the screen.

"Basically," Will continued, the keys chattering beneath his fingers, "you make a profile about yourself. Sort of like an ad for yourself, if you will. Then you post your email address. People who want to be your pen pal will email you, and you can send a few emails back and forth to see if you get along. If you don't, you hang back and wait for someone else to email you. But if you  _do_ get along, you remove your profile, essentially showing the world that you have found your pen pal soulmate."

"That doesn't sound too… I'm a  _girl?"_ Merlin yelped.

Will had started creating the profile, but it wasn't about Merlin. It was about an 18 year old girl who sounded extremely dramatic. It wouldn't have bothered Merlin, except that 'she' had his email address.

"What is this crap? Give me that…" Merlin dove for the laptop again, but Will managed to grab it in time.

"You know I always get my way with these things," He said, smirking at him.

Merlin knew it was true. There was no one in Albion more stubborn than Will. So he huffed and fell back into the pillows, fuming silently as Will typed away, breaking into giggles at regular intervals. After a few moments, the computer was shoved proudly into Merlin's hands and he read the profile slowly, groaning as he realized that Will had already submitted it to the site.

_**Girl, 18.** _

_**A wild-eyed dreamer.** _

_**Abandoned, Forsaken, Forlorn.** _

_**No one understands me. Am I speaking another language?** _

_**I'm a melancholic alcoholic, trapped in the neon colours of my mind.** _

_**I just want someone to talk to. Someone to sympathise with me. Someone to care for me and think about me and hold my hand while I take flight and defy the rules. Someone.** _

_**Someone.** _

_**I need someone.** _

" _ **Lost and snared in the twilight forest of your mind**_

_**Strangling claustrophobia, losing your sense of time** _

_**Besieged by people, yet consumed by isolation.** _

_**Hollow thoughts, empty dreams, a mental stagnation."** _

Merlin was giggling by the time he finished reading the profile. He'd always claimed that Will had a talent for coming up with the most absurd ways to alleviate his boredom, and this just proved it.

Unfortunately, the repercussions of Will's boredom-induced antics always ended up affecting Merlin. Like the time Will had 'friended' random people on Merlin's facebook, so that he was constantly getting bizarre messages from odd people. Or when he'd tried to do tie and dye and ended up colouring all of Merlin's socks bright pink. Not to mention the time Merlin's first and only girlfriend, Freya, had found the Hannah Montana album Will had downloaded on to Merlin's computer and made him watch all four seasons with her.

"Seriously Will?" Merlin asked, turning to his grinning friend.

It was obvious that Will's ridiculous profile would only attract weirdos. His so-called 'best friend' had basically made sure that his inbox would be plagued with emails from overly dramatic, mournful people for the next few months.

"Abandoned, Forsaken, Forlorn?" Merlin asked, disbelievingly.

"I just looked up the word 'alone' in the thesaurus," Will said, chuckling. "Didn't you like the melancholic alcoholic bit? It rhymes!"

Merlin shook his head, trying to seem pissed but was unable to hide a smile.

"Hey, It's not completely made up," Will pointed out. "I put that poem you wrote in it."

"Yeah, I noticed."

The last four lines of the profile was from a poem on Merlin's blog. It was a very simple poem. One of his worst - in Merlin's opinion - but it came to him on a day he felt particularly alienated from the rest of the townspeople. He had left it on his blog because he felt like it managed to capture, in a very raw way, what he was feeling at the time. As usual, Will had read it, laughed and called Merlin a powder puff. He'd always thought Merlin's poetry was 'lame'… which was probably why he made sure to put some in the profile.

"Bloody hell, Will, now my email address is out there for the whole world to see. What if someone we know sees the profile?"

Will's mouth dropped open in feigned surprise, "You know other people!?"

Merlin stuck his tongue out at him and Will laughed.

"Relax. You'll get a bunch of weird replies, we'll laugh over them and then delete them. No big deal. I'm hungry. Are any of those cookies your mom made still there?"


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know how to make paragraph indents show up on AO3, so I apologise for the format.

"Shit, NO! Oh f… move! MOVE!"

"Bloody sirens. They're so distracting."

"Damn piece of shit. Move!"

The sound of tapping buttons was drowned out as Arthur's hollers grew louder. Tomas's car was a lap behind, but he knew that didn't mean it couldn't overtake his. He bit his lip in concentration and hammered the buttons on the controller with an impassioned energy. The car zoomed past the finish line and he hooted, throwing his controller on the floor.

"Yes! Fifth time in a row. You really need more practice."

He turned to look at the boy beside him, his lopsided smile slowly fading as he noticed the way Tomas gently put down his controller.

"Damn it," Tomas said, collectedly. "You beat me again."

"So… want to play another round?" Arthur asked, running his fingers anxiously through his hair.

"Sorry my lo… uh.. Arthur. I have to go soon."

"Oh."

Arthur tried to hide the dejection in his voice. He was done with his lessons for the day, which meant that if Tomas left he'd have nothing to do except watch movies. And he was bored stiff of watching movies.

Tomas got up from the bean bag chair, but remained hovering over Arthur with a thoughtful expression in his eyes.

"I  _was_  wondering, though…"

Arthur perked up. "Yes?"

"Do you think I could borrow some money?"

The air rushed out of him like a deflated balloon. Money… of course. It was always about damn money. For one idiotic second he had thought that perhaps Tomas was asking him to come out with him and his friends, but that was stupid. Who wanted Arthur's seven foot tall bodyguard hanging around while they were sneaking into clubs?

It wasn't that Arthur didn't have friends. He had plenty. And it wasn't like he had never done anything, either. He had managed to ditch André and sneak into tons of clubs. He'd gotten high under the bridge, he'd snuck into girls' houses and had sex in their beds, he'd gone to seedy video game arcades and vomited in the bathrooms of cheap pubs. He'd done everything 'kids his age' were supposed to do.

The problem was that he never quite enjoyed doing any of those things.

A part of the reason was because he was doing all of them with people he didn't really feel at ease with. He called them friends out of convention, but they didn't treat him like he was a friend. They treated him like he was the prince. And because of that, Arthur could never tell how much of what they were saying to him was genuine.

There was only one person who he was wholly comfortable with, and that was Morgana. She was a distant cousin of his - no one was entirely sure how they were related, at this point - but she was more like a best friend to him than anything else. She was the only person who could burp louder than he could. She had named his dog, bashed up his car, teased him about his 'perfect' hair… but, most importantly, she'd always been completely honest with him.

The only problem was that she lived in Caerleon, which meant that they only met when she came to visit on vacation. Which wasn't as often as Arthur would have liked. Occasionally they would send each other emails, but between his princely duties and Morgana's short attention span they only sent each other a few lines a month. They  _were_  friends on facebook, but Arthur didn't care for the site and rarely used it. It was extremely impersonal, he believed, and he already had enough of that in his 'offline' relationships.

Tomas was still waiting for an answer, one hand slightly outstretched. Arthur stared into the empty palm, feeling that now-familiar burning sensation in his throat.

"I don't… have anything right now, man," he said slowly, knowing the reaction his revelation was going to warrant. "My dad cut me off after he caught me smoking weed last week."

Tomas's expectant hand dropped limply to his side, "You're kidding me."

There was a disappointed disbelief in his voice which made Arthur feel both distressed and angry. But he took a deep breath, trying to control himself. "I would give you some if I had any," he said firmly.

"I can't believe this!" Tomas glared down at the prince. "The one time I ask you for something!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Arthur demanded, feeling the rage start to bubble up in him. "It's not like I've ever asked you for anything."

"Well you're the bloody prince, what do you need?"

 _Real Friends,_ Arthur thought to himself, but he remained silent. Instead, he got slowly to his feet, narrowing his eyes at the lanky boy before him.

"So you hang out with me for money, is that it?"

Tomas's voice faltered and Arthur took advantage of his momentary speechlessness to walk closer to him.

"You don't have to say anything. I know what you all think. You think I'm an idiot, don't you? You think that I don't know what all of you wankers really are. Trust me, I do. But I hang out with you because I believe that maybe one day, one of you will somehow transcend being a shallow asshole when you realize that I'm…" He stopped, composed himself, then continued in a low, mirthless voice. "You'd better get the hell out of my house before André kicks you out."

It was only when he could hear Tomas's heavy footsteps on the stairs when he finally sank back into his chair.

It always ended this way. Every single bloody time.

He'd thought Tomas would be different. The night they had gone out to the new nightclub by the racecourse had been one of the most enjoyable nights he'd had recently, but Tomas turned out exactly like the rest of them. To them Arthur was a vending machine; they only put in their time because they expected to get something out of it. And every time it ended the same way - with them demanding things and Arthur getting angry.

It never felt good, either… the anger. It just made him feel empty. Of course, he would be lying if he said seeing the fear in their eyes when he confronted them was completely unsatisfying, but it was a fleeting pleasure. In the end, it was just further proof that there was no one he could rely on. No one in the entire godforsaken world.

Arthur trudged to his room and flopped down onto his bed, exhausted. He had been at court all morning at the behest of his father, and he felt like he would scream if he heard another person say the phrase, "As it pleases you, my lord." As far as Arthur knew, they didn't live in an episode of Game of Thrones, so he wasn't sure why in the 21st century the men of Uther Pendragon's court were still talking like they had sticks up their asses.

He sat up and dragged his laptop over to him, his fingers automatically opening youtube. He was browsing through the new music videos that had been released when a pop-up ad appeared on the side.

_The Raven?_

Arthur had heard about the site - a girl he had hooked up with once had told him the story of how she met one of her closest friends through it - but he hadn't thought about it since then. However, seeing the ad now, at a moment when he felt particularly vulnerable, he got a strange feeling that the daunting black bird was calling out to him, commanding him to click the flashing button.

He did, and immediately felt foolish as the web page loaded up. He was Arthur Pendragon. There were girls who had blogs dedicated to pictures of his face. There were men who chased him down the street, begging him to be friends with them. He was nothing short of a celebrity in Camelot… yet here he was about to reach out to a complete stranger for friendship.

He was being completely idiotic… he didn't need a pen pal.

He moved his cursor over to the red dot on the left corner of the browser window, but froze as the image of Tomas's angry face floated back into his mind. Arthur recalled the look of fury in his eyes, like he was being cheated out of money that was owed to him. Like spending time with Arthur was a job that required compensation. Soon, Arthur was trapped again in his memories; of how Jenna Angelo went on a date with him just so she could get her face in the Camelot Guardian, of how Harry Davenport would constantly call and ask for bail money, of how Tanya Patel would keep demanding expensive gifts.

And as Arthur realized - once again - that his entire life consisted of people who liked him only for his title, his mouse developed a life of it's own. Before he knew it, he was scrolling through pages and pages of profiles, silently hearing the screams of people as lonely as he was.

_**My name is Brie and I like to go cycling early in the morning down the…** _

_**Barry, 23. I just want someone chill, who likes alternative rock…** _

_**Derek, girl. My dream is to become a pool shark…** _

He floated over most of them completely uninterested. The few that caught his eye, he opened in new tabs, hoping to whittle his choices down. But they were varied… he still wasn't sure what he was looking for. He was surprised at just how many people were looking for pen-pals, though. Since when was writing to a stranger such a popular phenomenon? Eventually he found himself browsing through profiles that had been created over a month back. Most of them were stale, boring profiles… the unclaimed ones that hadn't able to capture anyone's attention.

He was just about to give up and go through his shortlist when a post caught his eye. It was an odd post, and Arthur found himself laughing as he read it.

_**Girl, 18.** _

_**A wild-eyed dreamer.** _

_**Abandoned, Forsaken, Forlorn.** _

The girl who posted it sounded both extremely needy and extremely strange… neither of which were qualities Arthur needed in a pen-pal at the moment. Yet, he couldn't stop re-reading it. There was something about the last four lines of the profile that enticed him.

" _ **Lost and snared in the twilight forest of your mind**_

_**Strangling claustrophobia, losing your sense of time** _

_**Besieged by people, yet consumed by isolation.** _

_**Hollow thoughts, empty dreams, a mental stagnation."** _

It was a short poem, he realized. Simple. Bland, almost. But it managed, very profoundly, to describe that hollow feeling in his chest he woke up with every single day. The fact that someone else had managed to capture a feeling he had been at a loss to illustrate - and in just four lines, at that - struck him. Then again, Arthur had never been very eloquent. He had more trouble expressing his feelings than he did finding friends who saw past his title.

Before he knew it, in what felt like a drunken stupor, Arthur was copying the anonymous girl's email address into a new message and typing.

_Dear..._

_Well, I don't really know what to call you. You didn't put a name on your profile. But then again, I think that might have been one of the reasons why I picked you to write to. The other reason was that... alright, this is going to sound completely idiotic, but I sort of felt... drawn to you. You posted your profile a month ago and you still haven't found the right pen pal. In a sense, I feel like... well, like I was meant to write to you._

_I'm probably coming across as a little creepy, aren't I? What I meant to say is that I understand what you mean in your profile. Particularly that bit in your poem when you talk about feeling like you're utterly alone even when you're surrounded by people. Thats's what resounded with me… that poem. It's sort of the way I feel every day of my life. Pathetic, isn't it?_

_I think the problem is people. In this world, how do you know who you can truly trust?_

_I don't know why I'm saying all this to you. As far as I know you could feed me a bunch of lies and I wouldn't know any better. I watched a TV show once where this guy had been writing to this girl for three years. He poured his heart out to her, and though they never met, she sent him photographs of herself and poems she had written and all this other stuff, and by the end of it he was completely besotted. He eventually managed to track her down and found out that she was a fifty year old schizophrenic woman with four children._

_Now I know that was a TV show, but truth is stranger than fiction, right?_

_But you know what, I don't care even if you are a fifty year old schizophrenic woman with four kids. All I need is what your profile promised me... I just need someone to talk to. I'm not looking for anything more than a sounding board._

_That sort of came across as rude, didn't it? I just meant to say that I don't care if you're not what your profile says you are._

_If you do decide to reply to me after all the garbage I've just said to you, then I hope we can... well, keep it mysterious._

_I guess now you probably think I'm some sort of serial killer... I'm not, by the way... but for my own comfort I'd like it if we didn't share any personal details with each other - I don't think we should share our real names or where we live or anything like that._

_That said, I really do hope you reply. As I said, there's... well, there was something about your profile... I just can't put my finger on it... but I feel like we'd get along._

_Cheers,_

Arthur faltered at the end of the letter.

He was surprised by how candid he had been. It was usually extremely difficult for him to express his feelings, but there was something about putting in down in writing that felt more personal. It was gratifying… the idea that what he wrote would only be shared with one other person. The concept that he could write something which the whole world wouldn't be able read about in the newspapers. It filled him with an alien sense of joy and he had allowed the words to flow honestly and naturally. But he had reached a roadblock… it was time to lie again. He certainly couldn't give his own name, that would defeat the purpose of writing to a stranger over the internet in the first place.

Arthur had been crouched over his computer for half an hour before it hit him.

A name that had been floating around his house since he was a child.

A man his father had been telling him stories about since he was old enough to remember. The name would work well as a signature. Arthur quickly typed it and clicked send. The swooping noise as the letter vanished into the esoteric world of the internet made Arthur's stomach jump.

Now it was up to the universe to decide what to do with it.


	3. Chapter Three

Merlin stared at the email blankly.

It was from someone named thegoldencoin@5kmail.com. Merlin couldn't recall any of his friends having that email address… so it couldn't be a prank, could it? Would any of them really go through the trouble of making a new email account just to prank him?

_You didn't put a name on your profile_ , the letter said. What profile? It must have been a spam mail, or perhaps someone from a dating website accidentally entered Merlin's address instead of… well, whoever they were supposed to send it to. He was about to click the reply button to tell the sender they had got the wrong person when it suddenly hit him.

That absurd pen-pal website Will had signed him up for over a month ago.

Will had been extremely disappointed when two weeks had passed and Merlin still hadn't received any replies. Merlin hadn't been surprised. He couldn't imagine a single person who would want to talk to that oddity Will had made up. Not when there were so many other, far more interesting people on the site.

But he was surprised now. He tried his hardest to remember the details of the profile, but all he could remember was how ostentatious it sounded. It was unfathomable why anyone would be drawn to it… let alone this adorable sounding, obviously intelligent guy. Was it a guy? It sounded like a guy. The email was signed with the pseudonym 'Ares'. Ares, Merlin recalled, was the Greek god of war… which meant it had to be a man, right?

Merlin read the letter again, and then once more. It would be better to delete it, he decided. How could he write back to someone who was trying to communicate with that fake person Will had created? Merlin closed his laptop. He was late for school. He could decide what to do about the letter later.

It wasn't like it was important.

 

Merlin spent the entire day in an absentminded haze. His geography teacher had even yelled at him for being distracted - something that didn't happen to him very often.

"What's the matter with you, mate?" Will asked at lunch.

"Nothing… I just didn't sleep very well last night, that's all."

But it had nothing to do with sleep. Merlin was distracted thinking about how Ares had said it was the poem in the profile that had resounded with him. The poem. The only bit of the ridiculous profile that was _Merlin_. He couldn't remember anything Will had written, but he remembered the poem. It was a part of a much longer piece he had written on his blog. And that's what Ares had liked.

Merlin was on his computer mere minutes after coming home from school. His school bag lay sprawled on the floor, and his shoes and jacket were still on, but he found himself fervently typing in the web address for 'The Raven'. He had been in his Math lesson when it occurred to him that his profile would still be up on the website… and he was increasingly curious to see what Will had written. The page loaded, and Merlin's heart sank.

_This Website No Longer Exists._

Merlin skimmed the paragraph below it, learning that the website had been taken down because it broke some sort of law. What were the chances that the website would be taken down _a day_ after someone wrote to him? He quickly switched back to Ares's letter, trying to glean anything he possibly could from it about his own profile, but all he remembered was the poem. Merlin almost let out an exasperated scream, but then caught himself. What was the matter with him? Why was he taking this so seriously? It wasn't like he needed to remember what was on the profile to reply to Ares. He didn't actually _have_ to respond to Ares at all.

But he would be lying if he said he didn't want to. Ares was reaching out to him. He sounded… wounded. And for some strange reason Merlin wanted to help him.

It was dark by the time Merlin finished composing his response. He felt foolish for taking so much time and care to write it, but he didn't want to accidentally say anything that could scare Ares away. He quickly re-read it, and then hit send, his heart thudding in his chest.

_Dear Ares,_

_The Greek god of war who happened a ripped playboy? My, aren't we modest._

_To be honest, I'm a little surprised you replied to my profile. From what I remember it was extremely…uh, whiny. And weird. I just want you to know that that is not what I'm like. As in, I'm nothing like the way I - most probably - came across in my profile. I suppose you could say I was in a 'mood' that day. The only bit that was actually me was the poem, and since you mentioned that that was what you related to, I felt that maybe we could get along… but if you're looking for that whiny, dramatic person, I don't quite think either of us would enjoy this very much._

_You didn't come across as creepy in your letter at all (were you trying to? If so, you might want to work on that a little). And yes, I get what you mean. I also felt compelled to reply to your email, but I think that has less to do with destiny and fate, and more to do with the things you said._

_I know exactly what you mean about being alone even when you're surrounded by people. Sometimes I feel invisible where I live, but mostly I feel like people don't really understand me (I'm sounding like profile now, aren't I?). I don't mean it in a cranky, teenage "No one understands me!" way… I mean it in a 'I feel like I'm out of sync with the rest of the world' way. Like I'm an alien trying to communicate, but people just aren't getting it. And yes, I agree… the problem is people. But I think the solution is also people. More specifically, you need to find the right people. People who can understand you and who will stay by your side even when things get hard. And personally, I believe that when you find them, you will know._

_One day you will meet a person who won't initially seem like much, but eventually will prove to be extraordinary and you won't be able to imagine your life without them. I suppose for me that person is my best friend. I know I can trust him (I've known him since I was eleven) and we've pretty much been there for each other since the day we met. I guess I'm lucky in that sense. I'm sure it's harder to know who to trust as people get older and learn how to lie better, but I still believe you'll find someone. It's the way they deal with the little things… that's how you'll know they really care about you._

_But you've got to remember that nobody is perfect. I love my friend like a brother, but he teases me constantly… about things I'm proud of too. And not in that teasing way where he's showing affection. He's believes in total honesty. And while I respect that, it can get exhausting after a while._

_I'm glad it doesn't matter to you if I'm a fifty year old schizophrenic woman - I'm not, but why would you take my word for it? I just pretty much admitted that the profile you read about me was full of lies. But here we are, possibly starting a correspondence, and I want to lay it all out there for you. The profile was not me, but this is. And I'm happy to be your sounding board. As it so happens, I need one now as well. I'm leaving everything I know behind in a few months to go off to uni. I'm not scared though. In fact, I'm incredibly excited. I really need this. I feel like… like I've been floundering here, in my town. Honestly, I can't wait to get out. That said, it's still incredibly hard to leave my mother and best friend behind._

_I don't know where you're from, and since you've requested to keep the correspondence mysterious, I won't ask. But have you ever travelled? I want to travel. Or at least travel enough to discover where I'm meant to be… because it sure as hell isn't here._

_I'm glad you wrote to me, Ares. I hope you continue to do so._

_Best, Emrys_

The fake name had taken Merlin ages to come up with. He had bounced between naming himself after someone he knew and naming himself after a character from one of his books, but he couldn't seem to settle on anything. None of those names seemed have any real significance for him.

It was only when he decided to stop stressing about it and went to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich, when he remembered the 'Emrys' incident.

It happened a few years ago. He had been walking to a café with Will when he, like the clumsy fool he had always been, stumbled on top of a homeless man who was sleeping on the pavement, brutally waking him up. Merlin had apologized profusely, but as he talked, the man just stared at him with a look of extreme intensity.

"Emrys?" He asked, once Merlin had finished his frantic spluttering.

Merlin was, of course, completely taken aback by this question and Will had burst into peals of laughter.

"I'm sorry?" Merlin asked.

"Don't be, Emrys. All is forgotten." The man said, before lying back down on the ground.

Will had referred to the man since then as 'Loony Street Man', but Merlin had always regarded the incident as something more profound. The man had spoken well - his clear accent made him sound almost like a professor - and the way he had looked at Merlin had given him shivers. It was almost as though he knew something about Merlin that he didn't know about himself. Merlin went back to that street the next day without Will, but the man was nowhere to be seen. Emrys was the perfect name, because it had nothing to do with his real name, yet it was something that he associated with himself. And it was shrouded in enigma - just like Ares.


	4. Chapter Four

"Arthur?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you alright?"

"Oh… yes, of course father."

Arthur picked up his fork and fumbled with the peas on his plate, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks. Once again, he had been caught mentally composing his next email to Emrys… something he found himself doing increasingly often. After five minutes of silence, he allowed himself to hesitantly look up, and found his father staring at him with a peculiar expression on his face.

"Is… something wrong?" Arthur asked, hastily.

"Son," his father put down his spoon, "you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Of course, father."

The room filled with a thick, expectant silence.

Arthur picked up his glass of water and slurped loudly, pretending to not realize that his father was waiting for an explanation. Uther had very obviously noticed his son's recent preoccupied behaviour, but Arthur wasn't ready to explain the source of it. Mostly because he knew his father would be furious if he realized Arthur had been regularly communicating with a total stranger.

"What if they are from the press?" He would say, angrily "What if they found out your email address and are taking you for a ride?"

He was full of conspiracy theories… and Arthur didn't want to hear any of them. The emails he received from Emrys were the highlight of his week, and he wasn't about to let his father take that away from him.

 

Arthur had been shocked when that first letter arrived.

It wasn't so much that he hadn't expected a reply to his rambling email… it was more that he hadn't expected a reply to come so quickly. And he hadn't expected it to be so nice.

He was also surprised because he had never heard the name 'Emrys' before. He'd googled it, hoping to see where it came from; he assumed it was the name of a fictional character or a name from some other country, but no hits came up. Clearly, it was a fake name, but it intrigued Arthur that no one else in the world had it. How had she possibly come up with it?

He wanted to ask her, but he realized that that might break their 'confidentiality code', and he reluctantly dropped it.

 

It didn't take long for them to start a full-fledged correspondence, and Arthur realized quickly that he was extremely lucky to have found her… and on his first shot too. He felt like he could really  _talk_ to her. Granted, part of the reason was because she had no idea who he was and he had no preconceived notions about her, but more than that, they seemed to be on the same wavelength. Arthur found that he could talk to her about everything - from what other people would consider the most banal subjects, to things that excited him to his very core. He could be light and teasing with her, but could just as easily slip into deep, intense discussions.

_Dear Emrys,_

_Have I told you about my dog? His name is Jesse. My best friend named him. You remember the friend I told you about who lives far away? Well, she's a huge Breaking Bad fan. Have you seen the show? I still haven't gotten around to it. She keeps pressuring me to, but I don't seem to find the time. Anyway, apparently there's a character in it called Jesse. According to my friend, he's the human incarnate of a golden retriever (apart from all the drug dealing stuff, of course). So when she heard that I got a golden retriever puppy, she insisted that I name him Jesse. I wanted to name him Dobby, because he has the biggest tennis-ball eyes… but she didn't let up. She always seems to get her way. So his name is Jesse now, and I love him more than I can possibly say._

_Dear Ares,_

_What do you think happens after you die? I don't believe in God… so I've never really believed in a heaven or a hell either, but I like to believe that you go somewhere after you die. Personally I imagine 'heaven' to be an alternate version of our current lives. A version where everything happens they way we've always wanted it to._ _When I die, I hope I wake up in a huge, glass-walled apartment overlooking the sea, where I can spend my days reading and where my fridge never runs out of ice lollies._

_Dear Emrys,_

_Have you ever wondered HOW you will die? I always imagined I would be run over by a lorry. Don't ask. It's just a feeling. Mostly cause I have this unnatural fear of speeding lorries. But it would be an awful way to die, because you would be smashed… and I would like an open-casket funeral where people can gaze at my beautiful face and cry about how the world is now deprived of it. And that can't happen if my face has tire tracks on it, now can it? But seriously, I'm not joking. I'm honestly terrified of speeding cars. Unless I'm the one driving them, of course._

The emails were usually extremely long and would come about once every week. Every Thursday, mostly. Arthur would send his reply on Monday and eagerly wait four days to hear from her. And when the finally reply came, he would crawl into his bed and read each and every word with relish.

"Arthur."

_Damn it._ He was doing it again.

"Hmm?"

"Son, I'm going to get straight to the point." Uther coughed into his napkin, and then gave his son a stern look. "I want you to promise me you will answer with complete honesty."

Arthur felt his throat constrict, but he made sure his expression didn't betray his inner apprehension.

"Of course, father."

"Are you seeing a girl behind my back?"

Arthur almost laughed with relief. He was worried Uther had seen the emails from Emrys, but it was just his father coming up with his conspiracy theories again.

Well, the King wasn't  _completely_  wrong. There was a girl… but Arthur certainly wasn't  _seeing_ her.

"No father, there isn't."

Uther visibly relaxed. "Oh good. I was worried you were going around with Marie."

"Marie who works in the kitchens?"

"She's a pretty, young thing. I thought maybe you were sneaking around with her."

Arthur frowned. "Why would it be wrong if I was?"

Uther's face hardened, "Are you?"

"I've already said no."

"Then why have you been so distracted lately?"

"I…"

Arthur bit his lip, "I'm nervous about university."

It wasn't a downright lie. His father had announced to him only two days prior that Sorsbrooke Academy - the university Uther and Arthur's grandfather had gone to - had given him admission. Arthur hadn't applied like all the other students, but he probably wouldn't have gotten in even if he had. Arthur didn't have the marks to get into Sorsbrooke. He knew the only reason they didn't reject him was because he was the crown prince, and the fact that the King called them up personally to demand they give him a seat.

Arthur had mixed feelings about the news. On one hand, he was mildly disappointed. Not because he didn't like Sorsbrooke - it was an old and respected school, with a extremely strict 'no paparazzi' policy to insure privacy for their famous and wealthy students - but because it was only on the other side of Camelot. Yes, the Kingdom was huge… but it would barely take his father a three hour drive to come and visit him. And while he loved his father, he was hoping university would give him the space he never had growing up.

Arthur had never studied in a 'school' environment. He had been homeschooled all his life, and while he had no problem meeting people and making friends, he'd never experienced being in a school where parents didn't have the ability to pop into every lesson and check on how he was doing.

But on the other hand, Morgana had gotten into Sorsbrooke, which meant that Arthur was finally able to be near the cousin he missed so terribly.

"That's what this is about?" Uther stared at him doubtfully and then laughed. "Sorsbrooke is nothing to be anxious about! Trust me, Arthur, you will love it there. Just as I did. And Morgana is going to be there with you, too."

"I know, and I'm really excited about that. I just… I wish I didn't have to take Percival along."

"I went with my bodyguard, and it turned out just fine."

"But I don't know Percival! Why can't I take André?"

"André is far too lax with you."

"I'm going to bloody university, father. Not primary school."

Uther shot him a stern glare. "Language."

"I'm sorry."

Arthur sighed and stared at the mashed potatoes on his plate, realizing how futile arguing with his father was. The man never saw things from Arthur's point-of-view. He never had.

"As I was saying," his father continued, "I had my bodyguard with me but that didn't stop me from meeting your mother."

Arthur's head shot up at that.

He knew the story of course, but he was always eager to hear about his mother. Uther rarely spoke about her. So when he did, Arthur listened quietly. Even one added detail to the story could give him a better idea of what she was like.

Igraine was just a shadow in Arthur's mind. He'd seen photographs of her - young, blonde and absolutely beautiful - but her appearance didn't matter so much to him. He wanted to know what she was like. So he nagged relatives and family friends to tell him all they could about her, because the more stories he heard, the clearer she got in his mind. He  _had_ to know everything he could about her, he would tell them, because he wanted to know if he was anything like her.

"I was in my second year and she was in her first. She was dating that fool Gorlois then. But I knew from the moment I saw her that we were going to get married."

Uther's eyes glazed over, and he got that dreamy smile he always got when he was talking about Igraine. Arthur couldn't prevent a smile of his own when he saw it.

"She was utterly uninterested in me at first. Said that she didn't care if I was a prince… she was from a well-to-do family so she had met 'plenty of bastards like me'." He grinned. "But I didn't let up. I was a perfect gentleman. I helped her carry her books, I gave her my jacket when she was cold… we would meet at the campus coffee shop, 'The Bean', to discuss books and poetry. Those were the days. That term went by in a dream."

Uther paused to take a bite of his chicken. He chewed it agonisingly slowly, thinking.

"It was at the dance," he continued, "It's a Sorsbrooke specialty… 'The Winter Ball' they call it." He laughed, and Arthur's smile grew wider. "It was a formal dance. They held one before every winter break - not sure if they still do it. Last I heard they had shifted it to the end of the school year and were calling it the 'Summer Bash'. How crass. Anyway, I danced with her all night. I could tell she liked me too, by then… she hardly said a word about him the whole time. I remember thinking how beautiful her eyes were… then he came in. He was furious. He hadn't been at the dance. He was late, some problem with his car or something. But he was so angry he attacked me with a swiss army knife."

Arthur cringed, as per his custom, when Uther pointed at the long, white scar on his forehead.

"But it was the best thing that ever happened to me. She broke up with Gorlois that night… and a week later she was mine."

Uther's smile faded and Arthur cut in immediately.

"More chicken, father?"

Uther took the bait, and switched the conversation to how the chicken had improved since they got a new cook.

Arthur let out a small sigh of relief. With everything going on, he didn't want to be reminded of his mother's abysmal end… and all that it had led to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are liking it so far. Leave me a line, let me know what you think?


	5. Chapter Five

_Dear Emrys,_

_I'm ashamed to say I don't read that many books. I'm more of a… TV shows and movies kind of guy. And while I firmly believe that you can learn a lot from TV shows and movies, I agree that there is some sort of… magic… in books that you just can't find anywhere else. It makes me wish I read more of them. But I get bored easily. I sound like a total prat, don't I? But if it's possible to appreciate food without being a gourmet, why isn't it possible to appreciate books without being an avid reader?_

_From what you've told me it seems like you read a lot. I'm jealous. I wish I had the motivation to sit down with a nice book the way I've been doing with your letters. Now I'm making it sound like I don't read at all. I do, I promise. I've read all seven Harry Potter books (so much of the magic is lost out in the movies, isn't it?), I've read the classics like Dickens and Jane Austen (but that was mostly because I was forced to by my school teachers) and of course, I spent too much of my childhood reading Famous Five. But there has only been one book since I turned fifteen which really struck me. It was called 'The Lionheart' and it was about this great explorer who would go around discovering and conquering lands. One day, he saves his boy from drowning and takes him along on his conquests with him, and over time they grow really close. But here's the thing… this explorer has a great fear of werewolves. He hates them… mostly because he's scared of them and doesn't understand them and he slays any one of them that comes in his way. But it turns out (I'm going to spoil this for you… sorry) that the boy he saved and grew to love is a werewolf. And the boy knows of his fear, so he doesn't tell the explorer what he really is. Well, until much later, anyway._

_The thing is, I read the entire book believing that this explorer was the lionheart that the title referred to, but it hit me only after I had finished that he wasn't. It's the boy. He's scared that if he's discovered he'll be killed, but he still stays by the explorer's side because of how much he loves him… and slowly he manages to convince the explorer that werewolves are nothing to be feared. He's the lionheart because he had the courage to push his fear aside to stand for something he believed was the greater good… and I think… well, I think that's beautiful. It's something I aspire to do with my life._

_So you're off to uni in a couple of weeks, right? Hope it goes off well. I can only imagine how nervous you must be. Take care, alright? Don't do anything stupid like I would probably do._

_Ares_

* * *

"Will, pass that towel will you?"

Will, who was lounging on the bed with a comic book, gave the towel beside him a bored, cursory glance.

"I don't feel like getting up," he drawled.

Merlin glared at him, but quickly swept his gaze around the room to make sure his mother was nowhere in sight. Then he muttered a few words under his breath.

Will's eyes lit up as Merlin's eyes - literally - lit up. The towel lifted off the bed and floated across the room, as if captured by a stray breeze, and fell into his open suitcase. Will clapped his hands gleefully.

"That never gets old!"

Merlin rolled his eyes. Will had made it his mission (since the day he found out) to get Merlin to use his magic as much as he possibly could… which was unfortunate, since it took Merlin all the self-restraint he could muster to resist doing so. It just seemed so much extra work getting up to do things he could easily do without lifting a finger. But if Hunith - or worse, anyone else - caught him, he knew he'd be in big trouble.

Merlin had never learnt any spells officially. Obviously, no one was willing to risk execution by teaching it, so Merlin knew only the few spells he had gotten off the internet. But he stopped looking those up too, when Galahad had informed him that the King had men who could track internet histories.

But it was ingrained in him. It came out like a reflex action, and without anyone to teach him how to harbour it, Merlin had a very poor control of his powers. Particularly in his early teens, he found himself in several very awkward, seemingly inexplicable situations which he'd then have to come up with ridiculous explanations for. One of Will's particularly fond memories was the time Merlin had accidentally blown the electricity and shattered all the lightbulbs in the boys bathroom when he was trying to stop bullies from picking on Will. The room had fallen into suffocating darkness and the bullies had panicked and run away screaming. For the rest of the year they whispered 'devil boy' every time Merlin walked past them, but they never touched either him or Will again. Merlin almost got in serious trouble for it, but his youthful complexion and innocent expression easily convinced the headmaster that it was merely a freak accident he himself didn't understand. Will, of course, backed his story.

Over time such situations had reduced because he actively tried to control his magical impulses, but that didn't change the fact that he loved doing it… it felt natural and right, and every day he had to keep it hidden felt like a battle.

"Can I use your laptop?" Will asked.

Merlin sprang to his feet, panic rushing through his body.

"No!" He shouted, making the boy drop his comic book in alarm.

"Christ. What's the matter with you?"

"I… er…" Merlin's ears turned bright red, "don't want you to do random shit on my computer, that's all. I'm sick of having random people from Zimbabwe send me friend requests."

Will grinned, "Alright, I promise I won't do anything. I just want to check the match scores."

Merlin felt another wave of panic pulse through him.

The message he had been composing to Ares was open on the laptop; if Will found out that Merlin had a pen pal, he would not only insist on reading all the emails they had sent back and forth, but he would then proceed to laugh at all the 'pansy' things Merlin had confessed to Ares. He would then most probably call Ares a loser, gloat about how it was  _his_ profile that helped them find each other, and get angry that Merlin hadn't informed him as soon as Ares's first email arrived. And with less than a week before he left, Merlin wanted to avoid as much conflict with Will as he possibly could.

That's what he told himself at least. The truth was that Merlin didn't want to share his emails from Ares with anyone else. Their friendship was personal. He didn't understand how he could feel such a strong bond with someone he had never met, but he did. And he felt like not even Will understood him the way Ares did. There was a… depth in their letters. They could talk about nothing and everything. Merlin could read between the lines and understand what Ares was trying to say even if he didn't explicitly say it, and he felt like Ares could do that too. He felt like could talk to Ares about anything. Anything except his magic.

Hunith had walked in one day when Merlin was composing a letter to Ares. He was telling him about how his father had died, and his eyes had gotten a little misty. When his mother walked in, he had abruptly minimized the window, but Hunith had caught his startled motion.

"Merlin… what's going on?"

"Nothing, mum."

"Are you crying?"

He hastily wiped the tears from his eyes and tried to brush it off, but his mother sat down beside him and gave him a concerned look.

"Is someone bullying you?" she asked, "Merlin, tell me. Is someone hurting you?"

Merlin had laughed then, and proceeded to tell her everything. In general, he had never been much good at lying to his mother, so he knew it was only a matter of time before she found out. She listened silently and didn't ask to see the letters when his story was done. Instead, she put her hand on his cheek.

"I sound like a loser, don't I?" he asked, laughing weakly, "Writing to a complete stranger?"

"Not even a little," she promised, smiling.

"It's weird though, mum… I feel like…. like I really understand him. Like I've known him in a previous lifetime."

Will snapped his fingers in front of Merlin's face, breaking him out of his reverie.

"Earth to Merlin. Where's your laptop?"

"It's broken," Merlin blurted out, "The screen is just all…"

He waved his hands about manically, and Will shot him a quizzical look.

"You're really anxious about university, aren't you? You're acting like you've lost your marbles. "

Merlin grinned sheepishly. "I guess a little… nervous about university, that is. I've not lost my marbles. Yet."

He bent down and started stuffing things into his suitcase, feeling a sickly mixture of relief and guilt in the pit of his stomach. He didn't like lying to Will…

"Are you worried about Arthur? Is that it?"

_Huh?_

Merlin frowned, turning around to face the boy on his bed. Will's lips were pursed, worry lacing his usually carefree features.

"Who's Arthur?"

Will raised an eyebrow. "Arthur Pendragon… the prince."

Arthur Pendragon, of course. Merlin shook his head, reprimanding himself. He should have guessed… it wasn't like he knew any other Arthurs.

Arthur Pendragon was Uther Pendragon's only son. He didn't do much apart from showing up in newspapers and teen magazines, sometimes for minor discrepancies like 'Crown Prince caught drinking whiskey behind McDonalds!' but usually just as a dot in the background, helping his father cut ribbons or doing some other rubbish to make it seem like their family wasn't the reason so many witches and warlocks had lost their lives. Merlin didn't pay him much attention, but all the girls in his school seemed to be obsessed with him. Of course,  _that_ had less to do with the prince's actual personality, and more to do with the fact that he looked like an Abercrombie model.

"Why would I be worried about the prince?"

Will let out a short, incredulous laugh. "You're joking, right? Don't you read the news?"

"I don't give a crap about Uther Pendragon's family, you know that."

"You dolt!" Will got up from the bed and slapped Merlin across the back of his head. "Are you telling me you seriously don't know?"

"Don't know what?" Merlin asked, rubbing the back of his head. He tried to sound annoyed, but was starting to get worried. Why was Will looking at him like that?

"Arthur Pendragon is coming to Sorsbrooke with you!"

Merlin's throat suddenly felt dry. He tried to say something, but his head was spinning.

"You didn't know that?" Will gaped at him. "How did you not know that?! Do you have any idea how worried I've been for you!?"

"Uther Pendragon's SON is coming to Sorsbrooke?!"

Will sent him a sympathetic look, "I thought you knew."

But Merlin wasn't listening. He was suddenly in a nauseous daze.

"He's going to catch me… oh my god, I'm accidentally going to reveal my magic and he's going to execute me!"

"Merlin, calm down."

Merlin's eyes were wide, and his voice was coming out high and panic-stricken.

"This is going to be terrible, Will!" He cried, looking distraughtly at his friend.

Will jumped off the bed and bent down beside him, patting him awkwardly between the shoulder blades. "Come on. It'll be fine."

"No it won't! I'm going to have to be even more discreet about my magic there! If I make one mistake I'm a dead man! It's going to be absolutely awful!"

"Well you knew that… you're going to Camelot." Will reasoned, weakly.

"Yeah but it's going to be a hundred times worse if the king's _son_  is going to be there!" Merlin slumped onto the ground. "Damn it. Just when I was starting to get really excited about the whole thing," he mumbled.

"Hey, it'll be OK." Will promised, "There are like… what… ten  _thousand_ people on campus? You probably won't even see him!"


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the reviews and kudos! :) I'm probably (hopefully) going to have the next chapters up relatively quickly (Spring Break is coming up and I have a particular chapter I want you all to agonise over while I'm relaxing)

_Dear Ares,_

_Did you really? What did he do then? Oh my god! You are such a dollophead!_

_That's an interesting question. I think - given the choice - I would prefer to be brilliant and have just one really good friend. Sure, having lots of friends and being dumb is a tempting option, but I think I'd like myself a lot better if I was whip-lash intelligent. And if I have just one friend in the world who appreciates me and loves me despite how annoying - I presume - extreme intelligence makes me, then I think I'd be happy. Sometimes you just need that one person, you know?_

_I'm going to university this week. My half-brother lives near by so he's picking me up from the train station and driving me to campus. I love him a lot, but I hardly see him… so every time I meet him I always get really awkward, like I'm meeting a stranger._

_He has an online art business. He used to be a stage actor, but he started getting these… episodes. Like fits, almost. He starts flailing and convulsing and the worst part is he doesn't remember anything when it's over. One day he got one in the middle of the show and they fired him. He hasn't acted in anything since._

_You asked me once why I don't believe in God and I told you that I don't know… but I do. There are several reasons, but this is one of them. Theatre was his true love, his one passion… and that has been brutally stripped away from him. If there really is a God he wouldn't let something like this happen. He wouldn't give my brother fits just to make him lose the one thing he really loved._

_I used to really envy him… still do, in a sense. Despite everything, he knows exactly what he wants. I, on the other hand, have no idea what I want to do with my life. I used to want to be a doctor, but I gave up on that. Instead, I've decided to study a subject that I really enjoy, but one that I don't particularly want to have a career in. But the way I see it, I'm sort of taking life one day at a time. If I try thinking about the future I get far too overwhelmed… so I'm just trying to survive each day as it comes._

_Now, your question about what my greatest fear is. So, I always give you deep answers regarding questions like this, and I'm sure you're expecting me to say something like 'to die without having done anything of importance' or 'to do something evil believing I'm doing something good' but here's the honest truth - my greatest fear is snakes. They scare the crap out of me with their beady little eyes and their creepy pronged tongues and ugh… It's because when I was a child, I used to have dreams of a woman who would use a snake to control me. It would crawl under my skin and sit there… and then anything she would tell me to do, I couldn't help but do it. I used to have the same nightmare over and over again, but luckily it stopped after I turned twelve. It was terrible though. I still get shivers just thinking about._

_Sorry this letter is so short, I have tons more to do before I leave. But I did want to ask you… don't answer if you think this is too personal, but… why did you choose the name Ares? I mean, given the choice why wouldn't you go for Adonis or Apollo?_

_Cheers,_

_Emrys_

* * *

Merlin watched the trees pass by in a green blur, trying to ignore how heavy his heart felt. He shifted his focus to the squeaking of the old Ford's windshield wipers and the faint smell of cigarette smoke that hung in the air, but he still couldn't get the image of Will and his mother waving goodbye to him from the platform out of his mind. He was finally out of Ealdor. Out of the stifling, backwards town that didn't understand him, and was now shooting down the exciting, new roads of Camelot… but the lump in his throat still refused to disappear.

"You really ought to get a new car, Galahad," he mumbled, and the tall, pale boy beside him laughed, his black curls bouncing in the breeze.

"Yeah? You going to buy it for me?"

"This car is terrible. It keeps squeaking and groaning… I'm scared for my life."

Galahad grinned at his brother, showing off a set of perfect white teeth - a memento from his days as a thespian.

"Do you honestly think I'll let anything happen to you?"

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know you didn't."

The two of them fell into silence again. Merlin briefly considered asking Galahad about his new online art business, but he already knew things weren't going that well. Mostly because Galahad had taken up smoking again. He would deny it if Merlin ever asked and he usually never had a cigarette in his hand when Merlin was around, but Merlin had seen the pack of cigarettes in his glove box and the smell of smoke in the air was unmistakable, even though someone had tried to cover it up with air freshener.

So instead, he let his mind float back to Ares. It was Monday, which meant that Ares's email was going to come soon. Merlin had finally gotten the courage to ask him how he came up with his pen name… a question he was eagerly awaiting the answer to.

"How's mum?" Galahad asked, breaking the silence.

"She's good. She misses you tons. You should visit more often."

"Wish I could. The trains are bloody expensive nowadays though, aren't they?"

"Yeah."

His brother shot him another grin. "I'm glad you're here, M. It'll be nice to have you close by. You're coming to stay with me during your break right?"

Merlin raised his eyebrows. "I can?"

Galahad's smile dropped slightly. "I meant the mid-term break. You'll have to go home for the Winter."

Merlin nodded slowly, turning to the window by his side.

"You wouldn't even want to stay with me," his brother continued, "You are going to have such a good time in uni. Plus, my apartment is small and poky. There's this cranky old crone that lives next door to me, and she's almost deaf, yeah? So she _blasts_ the telly so loudly I can hear everything from my apartment. And trust me, you do not want to be woken up at six in the morning to the sound of Notting Hill."

Merlin gave a polite laugh and nodded weakly, "Yeah, I guess. But I would still like to stay with you."

He watched as Galahad's expression slowly turned wooden, his watery blue eyes fixed on the windshield.

Clearly his brother wasn't enjoying this particular topic of conversation.

Merlin told himself to drop the matter, but he couldn't stop the words from spilling out of his mouth.

"Look… I'm not saying this so that you will let me stay with you during Winter break. I mean, it's your apartment… it's your call. I just want you to know that it doesn't bother me. Your… episodes, that is. I wish you'd stop pushing me away… I know what you're like on them. I've seen you…and I don't care. I can help you…."

Merlin's voice faded as he saw his brother's hands tense on the steering wheel, the pit of his stomach suddenly twisting with dread. Galahad had always been sensitive when it came to the discussion of his episodes. If he lost his - surprisingly fiery - temper, Merlin had nowhere to hide.

"It's not about caring, Merlin." Galahad said eventually, his voice collected.

Merlin let out a small sigh of relief.

"I'm dangerous during those episodes. I have no control… and no recollection after. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you. Look, it's fine for you to come and stay during the term break… really. But I don't want you to stay with me for too long. They don't come very often, but I don't want to risk it. The longer you stay the higher the chance is of one of them coming on." He gave Merlin an unsteady smile, "I'm just looking out for you, M."

Merlin returned his smile, "I know, Galahad. And I really appreciate it."

 

The conversation about Galahad's episodes broke the ice and the initial reservedness Merlin always felt after re-acquainting himself with his brother evaporated. Merlin spent the rest of the trip chatting amicably about home, school, his mother and Will. He even - at one point - took off on a full-fledged rant about how aggravating Arthur Pendragon and his decision to come to Sorsbrooke was… a speech which had Galahad in stitches. The nervous energy which had made Merlin quiet and moody in the beginning of the trip was all but gone by the time the Ford pulled into the parking lot of an old, large brick building.

"I checked out the website," Galahad said, unbuckling his seatbelt, "And apparently this is the registration building. Let's get you signed up."

The two of them walked into the building, and for a second Merlin stopped in his tracks, overwhelmed by the off-white stone hallways that were bustling with people and colour. Galahad eyed the boisterous crowd wearily, but pushed his through way through the hoards of people, creating a path for Merlin to follow. Being far skinnier that his brother, Merlin was knocked around and had his toes stepped on at least a dozen times before they finally reached the large hall at the end, which was - surprise, surprise - also teeming with people.

Galahad pulled out a printout of the new student orientation instructions and perused them while Merlin watched the other students swarming in thick groups around the warm, wood panelled room. Each of them seemed to be in their own little bubble; he watched a skinny girl in ugg boots hugging her dad, an awkward, brawny boy taking a photograph with his whole family and several very pompous looking, lanky boys in button-down shirts who seemed like they were friends from before. Most of all, Merlin noticed the not-quite-furtive glances girls were giving his brother. It was unavoidable, of course. While they both had pale skin, high cheekbones and blue eyes, Galahad's dark curls, broad shoulders and chiseled features made him look like a model straight out of a Burberry catalogue, while Merlin's disheveled hair and blunt features made him look like a lost 15 year old.

Merlin didn't mind. The attention Galahad's looks brought him had never bothered him. Mostly because Merlin was, and had always been, completely uninterested in relationships. Freya, he had come to realize, was merely a rite of passage. She had been his first kiss and his first girlfriend, but Merlin had soon understood that what he had for her was companionate affection and not romantic love… which is when they had broken it off. He hadn't dated anyone since then. People in his school had asked him if he was asexual, and while Merlin knew that he wasn't, his response was always that he didn't like labels. The shallow idiots in his school had taken that to mean that he was, indeed, asexual - because they couldn't comprehend depth of any kind - and Merlin had eventually given up trying to explain it to them. He didn't mind being thought of as asexual. What difference did it make, anyway?

But it was true that Merlin hated labels. You don't fall in love with genders _,_ he'd explained to Will, you fall in love with  _people._ There were times when he noticed and enjoyed how attractive a girl was, just as they were times when cute boys made his stomach flutter… yet in the end, he had never liked someone enough to want to be with them. It was a simple concept, but Merlin didn't understand why it was necessary for him to define it.

"Alright. It says here that we have to get your room keys and ID card from that desk over there," Galahad said, pointing to a large desk with a extremely long queue. "Why don't you go wait in line, and I'll go fill out the medical forms from that other desk. That way maybe we can speed the process up a bit."

Merlin smiled, "Sounds good."

Galahad headed towards a desk at the end of the hall and Merlin grudgingly got into the obnoxiously long queue. He was scrabbling in his pockets for his ipod when he heard a timid voice behind him.

"You look a lot like your brother."

Merlin jerked his head up to find a dark-skinned girl with long, black tresses and thick-framed glasses standing behind him. She was wearing a black t-shirt with the name of a band he didn't recognize and faded blue jeans.

"That boy I was just talking to?" Merlin asked, raising his eyebrows. "He was just asking me if I knew where the bathroom was. I have no idea who he is."

The girl's mouth dropped open.

"Oh my god. This is so awkward. I'm so sorry, I didn't…" she began spluttering until she saw the grin on Merlin's face. "You do know him!" she admonished.

Merlin laughed sheepishly. Will had warned him at the station to keep his lame jokes under wraps until he got to know people better.

"Yeah… sorry. I have a terrible sense of humour."

"Yes you do." She said frowning. Then, realizing what she just said, her eyes got wide. "I mean… you don't. I mean… I don't  _know_ you… so how can I know if you have a terrible sense of humour or not. But  _that_ was terrible…" she faltered.

Merlin chuckled, "I'm Merlin."

She looked relieved at the change of topic. "Gwen. Guinevere, actually… but everyone calls me Gwen."

"It's nice to meet you."

They smiled at each other awkwardly.

"So… you nervous?" Merlin asked, "About starting university?"

"Quite." Gwen blushed. "As you could probably tell."

"Well… don't be." He said, smiling, "You've already made a friend."

* * *

Merlin waved until Galahad's car disappeared from sight and then fumbled with the key-card, rubbing it against the reader at the door. It finally clicked open and he walked back into the quiet hallways of his new dorm. Luckily, Galahad had time to help him unpack and set up his room, so he didn't have to do it all himself. It looked nice, his room. It wasn't too big but it was warm and bright and had enough closet space for all his clothes. He'd even managed to get the bed by the large window, since his roommate hadn't arrived yet. He sat down on the clean bedspread, and stared out the window at a rack full of rusty bicycles, feeling a odd mixture of fear and excitement. Then he turned on his laptop and checked his mail. Apart from a few emails from Amazon, offering him 'back to school' products, there was nothing at all. Ares should have sent his email by now. Why hadn't it come yet?

The sound of the door opening caught his attention and he turned towards it just in time to see a tall boy with shaggy black hair stumble into the room holding a large box.

"Do you need help?" Merlin asked, jumping to his feet.

The boy grinned, and Merlin grinned back automatically, struck by how attractive he was.

"Nah. I got my brothers helping me. We're good for now."

He put down the box and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

"Who knew shoes could be so heavy, huh?"

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "You have a whole box full of shoes?"

The boy frowned, scratching his bearded chin, "Well, I can't very well wear the same shoes for lessons, sports and parties, now can I?"

Merlin raised his arms in submission, "I'm not judging."

The boy grinned again and stuck out his hand, "I'm Gwaine, by the way. We should have… started with that."

Merlin laughed and shook the large palm. "Merlin."

"That's an odd name. I've never heard that one before."

"Yeah, I've never met anyone with it. My mum said she came up with it because she had a dream about a knight named Merlin."

Gwaine laughed. "That's so funny. I was named Gwaine after a cartoon Llama. My older brother named me. My parents really liked the name so they went with it. They didn't find out how Wes came up with it till years later, and by then it was too late." He looked around the room, distractedly. "You'll meet him soon. He's bringing up my printer."

"I took the bed by the window, I hope you don't mind." Merlin said, sitting back down on his bed.

Gwaine grinned, "Not at all. I was hoping for some wall space to put my posters up anyway."

Merlin smiled as Gwaine headed back towards the door, glad that for once in his life things seemed to be going smoothly.


	7. Chapter Seven

_Dear Emrys,_

_Sorry I didn't send my email yesterday. I haven't mentioned this to you before, but I'm actually going to uni too. I start today._

_The reason I didn't mention it before was because - this is going to sound totally absurd - I didn't actually think it was going to happen. But it did. I packed my stuff, got in a car and drove (It's ridiculous the amount of schools that open on the same day. I was stuck in traffic for hours). But anyway, I'm here now. It's so… alien to me. I'm sure that's how you must feel too, what with never having left your town before and all._

_That's terrible about your brother. No one should have to go through that. But I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. I know it sounds awful - me saying that when your brother is suffering so much - but I feel like maybe being away from theatre will lead him to something better. I don't know. It's a personal philosophy, really. I just think having a little hope is better than having none at all._

_Don't worry about not knowing what you're going to do with your life. You'll figure it out one day. Just… keep exploring, I guess. That's what my uncle always says. Try and do everything you possibly can. Maybe one day you'll find what you're looking for._

_I know this is probably not what you want to hear right now, but the truth is I've known from the day I was born what I want to become. And I'm well on my way to becoming it. It's sad though, because there are people out there who have the same job who don't want it. I'm not one of those people - I want this more than anything in the whole world, and I honestly believe that I could do it well. I'm not doing it for myself, either. I'm doing it because I know I can help people. I want to help them. But the problem is that other people keep getting in the way. There are people that can make you hate what you love… and I know far too many of them. But I don't want to feel that way. I don't want to hate it._

_I'm probably not making any sense. I'd better stop now._

_But yes… about the name Ares. As I mentioned, I never knew my mother. So ever since I was a boy, my father has been the one telling me bedtime stories. He didn't know very many children's stories, so after I outgrew fairy tales he began telling me cleaned-up versions of Greek myths. Ares was his favourite god. Personally, I find Ares to be a bit of a douche. I mean, he sleeps around with other men's wives and he's known for his ability to slaughter thousands of men in battle… he's not exactly a role model. I could never understand what my father saw in him. But he liked him because he's brave and powerful, and he'd always tell me to aspire to be like him. So, I chose it for my pen name. But you're right… Adonis would have been far more accurate._

_What about your pen name? How did you come up with it?_

_Cheers,_

_Ares_

* * *

Arthur was sitting alone in his suite when it occurred to him that this new start at university was his opportunity to change his image.

Percival had helped him unpack and was now in a conjoined room, unpacking his own stuff. Arthur had reached campus late and had missed both the campus tour and the orientation dinner… so while everyone else knew at least one other person on campus, he was stuck with only his bodyguard for company.

He lay down on the freshly made bed and contemplated his new situation. Throughout his life, people had constantly taken advantage of him for his money and fame. And the only way to prevent that, he had been told, was to make sure people were scared of him. That's what his father always said - make them fear you, and they will never touch you.

But Arthur didn't want to be a cruel king. He didn't want to be like his father - blindly killing people who had magic. He had always insisted that they, like anyone else, deserved a trial at the very least. But his father told him that strict rules and fear kept people in control. And a king had to be in control, right?

It had always surprised Arthur that despite everything - the duties, the unwanted attention, the phonies, the bloody rules and expectations - he still wanted the crown. He wanted to be King; not because of the wealth and power that came along with it, but because he believed deep in his heart that he could be a good one.

He had once met the crown prince of Ceraltin - Prince Fyro. He had heard about Fyro before, of course. The boy was constantly showing up in the newspapers for creating trouble. And not for small things either. Practically every week there would be an article about how he almost destroyed some historical monument, or how he was found in the possession of some sort of dangerous narcotic. But when Arthur met him at Princess Elena's 20th birthday celebration, Fyro had confessed that he was purposely creating trouble because he wanted to live a normal life more than anything in the world. He didn't want to be the king, he said, and he was hoping his terrible behaviour would somehow convince the people and his father to crown someone else.

Arthur assumed that's how all princes and princesses were supposed to feel. Then why didn't he feel that way? Why didn't he hate that he was born into a practically pre-determined way of life? It obviously wasn't as glamorous a life as the ordinary citizens believed it was, yet Arthur wanted the crown more than he could possibly say. It was the profession he had always dreamed of, the person he saw himself becoming.

Yet, despite his shortcomings and his cries for help, perhaps Fyro was more suited to being king than he was. Fyro was surely not the type of guy who would let people take advantage of him.

Arthur stared at the smooth, unblemished ceiling. If he wanted to become king someday, he had to take a stand.  _I'm not going to be cruel_ , he told himself, _but I am going to be strong. I'm not going to show any sign of weakness._

Arthur wasn't about to let another Tomas come into his life. From this point on, he decided, he was going to call the shots.

* * *

"Merlin!"

Merlin stopped in his tracks and turned around to see Gwen walking towards him, waving her arms wildly. As she stumbled through the thick crowd, Merlin noticed that there was a beautiful, slender girl beside her. She had clear, pale skin and thick, lustrous hair that fell in waves down her back, stopping as it reached the top of her short black skirt. As she walked towards him, holding herself quite regally, several boys did double-takes. Merlin noted with a smile how adorable and mousy Gwen seemed in comparison.

"Where are you off to?" Gwen asked breathlessly as she reached him.

"Hall 106. I have 'Introduction to Art History' in five minutes."

"Morgana is in that class too!" Gwen squealed excitedly.

The girl next to her smiled graciously at Merlin, and he responded in kind.

"Oh sorry," Gwen continued, shaking her curls, "Merlin, this is my roommate Morgana. Morgana, this is Merlin."

"Nice to meet you Merlin," she said, "It's nice to know someone from one of my lessons before I've even started."

"Likewise!"

"I have Economics now, so I'll see you both later." Gwen said hurriedly. "But Merlin… maybe you and I can have lunch together?"

"Yeah, I was planning to meet my roommate in the Stevens Dining Hall at one-thirty. Why don't you join us?"

"Sounds good!"

She gave them a small wave and a wide smile before disappearing into an open classroom. Merlin and Morgana began walking down the hallway, an air of self-consciousness suddenly between them.

"So, Merlin…" The way she said his name was peculiar, like it was a foreign taste on her tongue. Merlin couldn't tell if he liked it or not. "How has Sorsbrooke been treating you so far?"

"It's been pretty good… but then again, I haven't really done much." When she didn't say anything in response, Merlin went on awkwardly. "I mean, I just met my roommate, went on the campus tour, had dinner with Gwen, worked out my schedule and watched Breaking Bad till I fell asleep."

Morgana mock gasped. "You  _fell asleep_ during Breaking Bad?"

Merlin laughed, relieved to find something they had in common, and they continued chatting amicably about shows and bands until they reached the large hall. For a moment they stood uncertainly next to the small stage at the front of the classroom, looking into the vast seating space that was dotted with students. Merlin eventually suggested they sit in the third row and Morgana complied, settling down in the seat next to him.

"So, you haven't run into the famous Arthur Pendragon yet, have you?" Merlin asked, as soon as they sat down.

Ever since reaching campus, Merlin had been bombarded with stories about people who had seen Arthur Pendragon - Gwaine had mentioned seeing him walk past the library, at dinner Gwen had gone on for half an hour about how she saw him getting out of a car, and on his way to brush his teeth Merlin bumped into a group of people from his dorm, only to get sucked into another conversation about the 'devilishly handsome prince'.

Secretly, by bringing up Arthur, Merlin was sort of hoping to find someone like him… someone who didn't think the prince was the human incarnate of a Greek God.

He waited patiently for Morgana's answer.

"Not yet," she said, finally, and Merlin thought he saw a playful glimmer in her eye, "I think the prat's been avoiding me."

He laughed, and Morgana gave him an amused half-smile.

"People haven't been able to shut up about him," Merlin confessed, "It's refreshing to meet someone whose first question is not 'Have you seen the prince? Oh my god. He's so fit'."

"Eh. He's not that good-looking."

"That's a first."

"Well, I mean…"

Morgana was cut off, however, when a slouching man with graying hair and a scruffy salt-and-pepper beard walked in and slammed his briefcase on his desk. The chatter in the large classroom slowly died down.

"Good morning, everyone," he intoned, "my name is Professor Septus." He scribbled a few lines on the board. "Here is my email address in case you need to get in touch with me about anything."

And so the lesson continued in a regular fashion. There were too many students for everyone to introduce themselves and still have time to learn about art, so Professor Septus rearranged them into several smaller groups. Merlin and Morgana were separated into two different groups, where they learnt the names and collected the university email addresses of their peers. Professor Septus then proceeded to continue with the lecture.

The lesson was fascinating, but after an hour Merlin started getting fidgety. He wasn't used to lessons where there was only a lecture and hardly any classroom discussion. As much as he enjoyed it, it was hard to pay attention. Though it was his fault, honestly. What else did he expect from a university with over 10,000 students? He tried to focus on the professor's words, but the room suddenly felt too hot, the air too stuffy. He agitatedly checked his watch, mentally commanding the minute hand to go faster.

"Picasso, for example, didn't start experimenting until much later in…"

Professor Septus was cut off by a loud hiss and Merlin jumped as a loud crack filled the room. The white board, which just a few moments prior had been bolted firmly to the wall, suddenly teetered dangerously. With a gasp of alarm Septus managed to jump out of the way right before the board fell to the ground with a deafening crash. The entire class stared at the fallen board in terror, unable to comprehend what just happened.

"My god," Septus mumbled, "can someone help me with this?"

Normally Merlin would have offered his help, but given the circumstances of what just happened he found himself unable to move. He knew what that was, and it wasn't a freak accident.

That was magic.

Someone had a sudden burst of magical impulse (emotion-related, Merlin guessed, based on his own past experiences) and the board had been ripped off the wall. Someone had accidentally used magic. Someone that  _wasn't him_.

His head was buzzing. He glanced around the classroom, but everyone was in an identical position, gaping at the fallen board and the three boys who were now helping the professor pick it up.

There was someone in his class with magic.

Statistically, that shouldn't have been a surprise. But Merlin found himself shocked all the same. Shocked, but also extremely relieved. He wasn't the only person in Sorsbrooke who was trying to keep their powers hidden. Someone else in his Art History class was also struggling to hide their powers…. and he was going to find out who.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO so much for the kudos and reviews, they make me incredibly happy.

The air was thick with the smell of frying chicken and chips, tormenting Gwaine, Merlin and Gwen as they continued waiting in the never-ending line. There were several dining halls scattered around campus - from the least popular coffee shop 'The Bean' which was almost always empty, to 'Stevens' the basic, buffet-style dining hall with terrible food which was the most popular, solely because it had the fastest service. 'Wrap and Roll' the small but extremely comfortable snacks bar they were in, was the second most popular hang-out on campus, because it - supposedly - had the best crispy chicken wrap in all of Camelot. When they had joined the queue, over an hour ago, it had stretched all the way outside the glass doors. Merlin had been reluctant to wait but Gwaine had insisted, and the three of them soon melded into the line, joining the legions of bored students bathing in the light of the disappearing sun. Now, their persistence had finally paid off, and the three of them were only a few people away from their food.

"We're so close, I can taste the wraps," Gwaine said, enthused. He was by far the hungriest out of the three of them, proclaiming at ten minute intervals a new thing he could possibly eat in his food deprived state. "I'm so hungry I could probably eat that guy at the cash register."

"I'm so hungry I could probably eat that lorry outside." Gwen piped up.

"It's not a game, Gwen." Merlin mock chided, "Don't encourage him."

"Why is it taking to long?" Gwaine whined in a low voice, so as not to incur dirty looks from the few students ahead of them. "I hate people who can't make up their minds about what to order. They are the bane of my existence."

Merlin laughed. "Drama queen."

Gwaine made a pained face and Gwen giggled. Though Merlin had introduced them to each other only a day prior, Gwaine's outgoing nature and Gwen's accepting one had already created a warmness between the two.

"So Gwen, your roommate seems really nice." Merlin said in a feeble attempt to distract himself from the hunger pangs he was experiencing.

"She is," Gwen beamed. "She's really cool. It's just…" she made a face, "I think she's going through something."

Merlin frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Who are you guys talking about?" Gwaine asked, suddenly aware of the non-food related conversation happening around him.

"Gwen's roommate, Morgana. Yeah, so… what were you saying?"

Gwen looked troubled. "It's not a big deal or anything. It's just that… she has these lapses of…"

But Gwen's words were stolen from her lips as the glass doors of the snack bar flew open. Merlin heard her take a sharp intake of breath, right before she grabbed onto his arm, urgently digging her fingers into his skin. "It's him!" she hissed.

"What? Who?" Merlin turned around, his eyes landing on the newcomer who had just walked in with three other boys.

The three boys seemed vaguely familiar (perhaps Merlin had seen them at orientation) but compared to their leader, they looked like ruffians with their unshaven faces, scruffy jackets and muddy shoes. The leader was dressed simply - a tight black t-shirt stretched over his wide chest and broad shoulders, blue jeans and an doe-like expression that made him look incredibly….

"He looks taller in person, doesn't he?" Gwaine asked, pulling Merlin out of his thoughts. Merlin didn't reply. A surge of emotions was now rushing through him making him feel angry, unnerved and disconcerted all at once.

Gwen nodded eagerly. "He's what… six feet at least?" she squealed, "It's so odd to see him walking around like this. Like he's… normal."

The boy had walked to the front of the line where a boy and a girl were waiting to order and was now talking to them in a low voice. They gave him their absolute attention, nodding ardently every five seconds. Merlin strained to hear what he was saying, even though it was obvious to him - and everyone else there - what was happening. When Merlin finally accepted that he wouldn't be able to hear a word through the hiss of the frying pan, he shifted his attention to observing the boy's body language instead. It was all an act of course - the way he ran his fingers through his soft, blonde hair, the charming lopsided grin he put on, the way his blue eyes looked eagerly into theirs - he knew exactly what he was doing. He finished talking, and the couple proceeded to quietly step back, gesturing to the now-empty space in front of them.

The sizzle of the frying pan died down.

"Thank you." Merlin heard the boy say as he smiled at them with all the graciousness of his royal upbringing. "I owe you one."

And so the four boys joined the line, pushing Merlin's little group back towards the doors. The room filled with wonderstruck whispers. Merlin gaped at the newcomers who were now discussing the menu and then turned to look at Gwaine and Gwen, who had both been rendered silent by the events. What other reaction could one have in the presence of the great and imposing Arthur Pendragon?

Merlin glanced around the room at the other students who were clearly starstruck by the prince, feeling a hot bolt of anger run through him. Of course, why should anyone say anything? After all the great prince  _obviously_ deserved to get special attention after sitting idly by day after day, just watching as his father slaughtered witch and warlock with unnecessary brutality. They had only been waiting for an hour… but what was twenty or so more minutes of waiting when the royal clotpole was peckish? Oh yes, it was good to know that the boy who had claimed time and time again that he wanted to be a good king to his people had just walked into a dining hall and cut in line without any consideration for the other students who had been waiting for hours. Just like his father he  _claimed_  to be selfless, yet it was blatantly obvious that he believed to be above the 'commonwealth'.

Merlin pictured himself punching that perfect nose of his.

"This isn't fair!" Merlin whispered angrily to Gwaine. "We've been waiting here for an hour!"

"There's only four of them." Gwaine shrugged, "Just let it go."

"Let it go!?" Merlin stared disbelievingly at his roommate. Why was he being so calm about this? "Gwaine, you're the one who's been griping for the past 45 minutes about how hungry you are."

"He's the prince, Merlin. Nobility?" he sighed, shaking his head. "They're all the same. We're expected to treat them like gods… even if they don't deserve it. Face it, there's little we can do."

"So this is it? For the next three years we're going to have to let him do whatever he wants because  _he's the prince_?"

Gwen shrugged and Gwaine nodded. "I know it's not fair, but we have no choice, do we?"

"We do have a choice." Merlin stiffened his jaw, defiantly. "I'm going to go talk to him."

"What?"

"Merlin! No!" Gwen whispered, trying to grab his shirt as he stormed towards the front of the line. He heard Gwaine hiss something along the same lines, but he ignored him, stopping adamantly in front of the laughing boys.

"Excuse me." Merlin said, vehemently.

Arthur turned around to face him, and for a second Merlin found himself disoriented as he was confronted by those electrifying blue eyes. The prince gave Merlin a quick once-over and raised one perfect eyebrow. "Yes?"

"The rest of us have been waiting for our dinner for over an hour."

"So?" Came the tepid response.

Merlin gritted his teeth. " _So_  it's unfair for the four of you to cut in line."

"Look here," Arthur gestured towards the boy behind them, "This nice bloke here let us cut in front of him. I asked him, and he said it was OK."

"Well maybe  _he_ doesn't mind. But the rest of us are starving."

A small, derisive smile played on the prince's lips. "Too bad for the rest of you."

Arthur's three cronies burst into peals of laughter and Merlin clenched his fists, fighting back the fizzy strains of magic that were suddenly fighting to get out. Arthur turned back to the menu.

"Yeah, too bad we'll be stuck with a donkey for a king." Merlin muttered.

He thought he'd been soft, but at his words the entire queue fell into silence. The blonde boy turned back towards Merlin, his blue eyes wide.

"What did you just say?" He asked, incredulously.

Merlin shrugged, feeling very uncomfortable in the sudden hush.

"Do you know who I am?" Arthur spat.

"An arrogant ass?"

He heard Gwen gasp loudly. A few students mumbled under their breaths and several of them shook their heads reprovingly. Merlin knew how it looked - he was a scrawny nobody who occasionally tripped on air, while Arthur was known for his well built physique and his prowess on the football field. But they didn't know about his magic.

His magic. He couldn't use his magic.

Not in front of the prince. Not in front of so many people. He would be a fool to believe he could do magic and get away with it in front of so many witnesses and  _the crown prince._  He wanted to assert his belief that Arthur didn't deserve special attention, not get executed.

Fear hit him hard in the gut. Arthur alone could probably beat him in a fight… he didn't want to picture what would happen if he was attacked by all four of them.

There was no way this could end well. Not for him, at least.

Arthur gave a mirthless laugh. "Don't you have a mouth on you. Look  _Dumbo_ , you'd better take those big ears of yours and fly away, or else…"

"What? You'll tell your daddy on me?"

The words left his mouth before he could stop them and he reproached himself severely. Once again his bad habit of feigning confidence when he was actually terrified came into play. He eyed the prince's clenched fist, waiting for the moment of collision.

But Arthur didn't lift a finger. Instead he turned towards his friends.

"Come on guys," he said, sending a withering look in Merlin's direction. "Let's get out of here. We don't need this."

They all agreed simultaneously, voicing their outrage and glaring at Merlin as they passed by him. Merlin stood obstinately in his place with his arms crossed until they disappeared from view, before sagging and letting out a giant sigh of relief. The other students gave him dumbstruck looks as he returned to his place in the line beside Gwen and Gwaine.

"I can't believe you did that," Gwaine said, stunned. "I didn't know you had it in you, Merls." He clapped him on the back and Merlin gave him a wobbly smile.

"I can't believe I did that either," he replied. "Honestly. I don't know what came over me."

"That was incredible, Merlin!" Gwen said, glowingly.

Merlin looked at her, surprised. "I thought you liked him."

"I said he was good-looking," she said, defensively, "but he deserved that. The last time I saw him… you know, when he was getting out of his car? He made his bodyguard carry all his stuff for him. The poor man could hardly see the path ahead with the amount of stuff that he was carrying, but Arthur didn't help at all. He was just carrying a pillow and staring at his phone."

"He seems like kind of an arse," a boy behind Merlin agreed. "Good on you, mate."

Merlin grinned and soon all the other students around him were clapping him on the back and hooting. He relaxed then, the panic he had felt moments earlier vanishing like Arthur and his cronies. Maybe dealing with the snotty prince would be easier than he thought.


	9. Chapter Nine

_Dear Will,_

_How's uni going? Mum told me that Harry joined Sera too. That's probably nice. I mean, he's not quite me but at least he's there, right?_

_I miss you tons. I tried calling yesterday, but your mum said you'd gone out. With who? Don't tell me you've already replaced me! I was watching 'Doctor Who' with my roommate last night and I missed you so much, because he really didn't get it. He kept asking me all these questions like 'why do they all speak English' and why the doctor looked different 'in that episode he watched on TV'. Plus, he didn't keep nudging me every five minutes going "He's going to die… no wait, she's going to die! I know it.". I know I said I hated it when you did that, but like you promised, I actually do miss it. He's a cool guy though, my roommate. I quite like him. His name is Gwaine and he's really fun. Kind of a troublemaker, like you. I've also become friends with a girl called Gwen. She's really sweet and adorable. She's out of your league though, so don't get all excited._

_Lessons have been pretty fun so far. I'm taking two history classes (they're a requirement for my major), an art history class and a novel-analysis literature class. The latter is a mandatory requirement for all first years, but I'm actually really excited for it. I have my first class tomorrow. Basically our teacher is going to give us tips on how to analyze texts for the first few classes and then, later in the term, we're going to have to pick a novel of our choosing and write an analytical paper on it. Sorsbrooke is all about freedom when it comes to lessons, and I love that._

_Alright, so here's the thing I've been dying to tell you (you were probably wondering why I'm sending you an email instead of calling. It's because I couldn't wait to tell you this.) I ran into Arthur Pendragon yesterday. You said I probably wouldn't bump into him, what with all the billions of students here, but I bloody did. And of course, he was as obnoxious as I predicted. My friends and I were in one of the school's cafeterias and we had been waiting in line for an hour when he showed up. Being the ass that he is, he decided that he's Mr. Big Shot and that he's allowed to cut in front to get his food. Obviously, no one was going to say anything to him because he's the bloody prince, but seeing him behave like that made me so angry (plus, I was trying very hard to suppress the urge to blast him against a wall), so on a - probably idiotic - spur of the moment decision, I decided to confront him. I went up there and insulted him and called him an arrogant ass… and I came away unscathed! He was with three guys, Will. He could have pounded me to death, but he just got angry and stormed off! I did it Will! I stood up to that bastard, aren't you proud?_

_There's some sort of fresher party happening tonight. I don't know why they're having a party on a Thursday… but it's hosted by a student, so it probably has something to do with the hall being booked during the weekend or something, I'm not sure. But yeah, I'm going to pop in for a bit. It'll probably be… interesting, at the very least. Let's just hope the royal prat isn't going to be there. He probably won't. After all, why would he want to mix with the commoners?_

_Cheers,_

_Merlin_

* * *

Thirty minutes into the party, Gwaine was already singing and sloshing beer all over whoever was inattentive enough to sit next to him. He had then proceeded to - despite Merlin's warnings - dunk twelve shots in the span of time it took Gwen to finish one beer, which resulted in more loud singing, flirting (predominantly with Merlin) and wailing about how bad the music was. His sudden exuberant energy made Gwen nervous, and over the course of the night, she had subtly managed to move to the stool next to Merlin without Gwaine noticing.

Merlin had never been big on drinking (mostly because he had a very low tolerance for alcohol) but he'd always loved the atmosphere at parties; the more lively a party was, the more enthusiastic it made him. So much so, that occasionally his effervescence made people believe he was drunk on nights he hadn't touched a drop. But with Gwaine acting the way he was, Merlin refrained from getting too hyper. Instead he nursed a cherry rum and coke as he sat with Gwen on one of the tall tables scattered around the periphery of the dance floor. Gwaine had long since wandered off to the back of the large party hall and was dancing with a motley crew of students by one of the speakers.

"Do you think Arthur Pendragon is going to show up?" Gwen asked, sweeping her gaze across the dancing students, trying to seem insouciant.

"God, I hope not." Merlin muttered.

"He's a bully but he's nice to look at," she said, defensively.

Merlin bit his lip to keep from agreeing with her.

"I think he's just… misunderstood," she said, finally. "I mean, obviously he's arrogant and supercilious, but he's been raised in the palace. What do you expect? But I do think deep down he's actually a really great guy."

"On what grounds?"

Gwen made an awkward noncommittal gesture and Merlin scoffed.

"Exactly. He's not misunderstood, he's just… a dollophead."

"A what?"

"A dollophead."

"What is  _that_?"

"It's a word I made up, and it suits him perfectly."

Gwen giggled, but allowed the subject to drop. "I feel so out of place here," she admitted shyly to him, "I've never been partying like this with people I didn't know. I mean… I know you, but I don't really  _know_ you, you know? As in…"

Merlin laughed, "Yeah I get what you mean, Gwen."

"It's just odd, that's all."

"Excuse me." A well-dressed, gangly boy with slicked, black hair had suddenly appeared at their table. "Would you like to dance?"

Beaming, Gwen nodded and took his hand. Merlin watched the boy lead her to the dance floor and then took a sip of his drink, letting his eyes hover over the other students drunkenly stumbling to the loud, beating music.

"Not dancing?" A voice asked in his ear.

Merlin turned around and smiled as Morgana sat down on the stool Gwen had just vacated. He raised his drink in response to her question.

She nodded in understanding.

"Having fun?" she asked, raising her voice to be heard over the music.

"Yeah, it's pretty great."

"A little overwhelming though, isn't it?"

Merlin chuckled, "A little. They don't have parties like this in Ealdor."

Morgana nodded, and they fell into silence. Merlin felt the vibrations from the speakers run through their table as he tried to think of something to say to her.

"What did you think of class the other day?" Morgana asked, finally.

"It was pretty good. A lot of information to take in, though."

"I agree. Which is why I signed up for extra one-on-one lessons with professor Septus."

"You did?"

"Why do you sound so surprised?"

"No… it's just… that was fast."

"Yeah well. I'm hoping to major in art history, so I thought some extra lessons couldn't hurt."

Merlin was about to voice his agreement when an arm suddenly snaked its way around Morgana's shoulders.

"There you are!" Arthur said, sitting on the stool beside her, "I've been looking for you everywhere. Where have you been?"

"Around." Morgana grinned at him. "Didn't think I was going to see you here tonight."

"I didn't think so either, but I didn't want to be stuck in my room all night."

Merlin looked around the room awkwardly. Maybe he could excuse himself to the bathroom before…

"Have you met my friend, Merlin?"

Arthur looked up, his smile dropping instantly.

"Yes," he said, slowly, "we've… been acquainted."

Morgana looked questioningly from Arthur's suddenly stiff expression to Merlin's narrowed eyes.

"Is something wrong?" She asked.

"Yes," Arthur said, dryly, "This abomination sitting here."

"That's a big word," Merlin retorted, "Sure you know what it means?"

"It means stop talking to my cousin. She doesn't need to be soiled by associating with the likes of you."

"Oh, so because you're the prince you think you can dictate who other people can be friends with now, is that it?"

"You have no right to talk to me the way that you did."

"You have no right to treat people like they're obligated to give you everything you want. You haven't deserved anything, you know that? Your title means nothing."

Arthur got up from the chair, his fists clenched.

"You make me so angry," he growled.

"Why? Because I'm right?"

"Arthur, sit down," Morgana instructed, and the boy sat down icily, still glaring daggers at Merlin. "What is the matter with both of you?"

"Your cousin is a prat." Merlin snarled.

"Your friend is a big-eared dimwit."

"Very mature guys," Morgana sighed, rolling her eyes. "What is wrong with you two?"

"It doesn't matter," Merlin downed his drink, grimacing a little, "I'm leaving now, anyway. I'm really sorry about this, Morgana."

She gave him a weak smile, and as he walked away from the table he heard her chastising Arthur. He quickly found Gwen and Gwaine, informed them that he was leaving, and headed out of the loud room into the cool night.

She was his  _cousin._ Merlin thought Morgana was like him… that she too wasn't taken in by the alluring facade of royalty. But she practically  _was_ royalty. She wasn't Arthur's first cousin… Uther had no siblings, and Igraine's brother Agravaine had no children, but whatever relation she had to Arthur, it was clear that they were close. Which meant - in Sorsbrooke, at least - Merlin really was alone in his hatred for Arthur. Well, until he found that person in his Art History class who had magic, of course.

Merlin wasn't quite sure why Arthur Pendragon evoked such a vehement reaction from him. It was a combination of reasons, he supposed. Arthur was the son of the man who had countless people of his kind - not to mention his own father - killed. Surely, that itself was a big enough reason to hate the brat? But on top of that, the royal ass assumed that everyone was supposed to act like they were his personal servants… and he called Merlin a big-eared dimwit.

Just thinking about him made Merlin flustered. But the annoying part was that it wasn't just out of anger.

While talking to his mother on the phone, he'd mentioned his run-in with the prince. While his mother had made no comment about his confrontation, she had asked, very curiously, what he really looked liked. The first two words that popped into Merlin's mind were 'distressingly attractive'. But after the story he had just told, he wasn't about to confess to his mother that he had never met anyone quite so good-looking.

"He's alright," he'd said.

He had seen pictures of Arthur in newspapers and magazines, but he'd always assumed they were photoshopped. There was no way the crown prince had money, power  _and_ a jawline so perfect it would make Michelangelo's David jealous. But the moment Arthur had walked into that stupid cafe, with his idiotic golden hair and those large, unguarded azure eyes, Merlin realized that the photographs did lie… the prince wasn't attractive. He was  _gorgeous_. So much so that his looks made Merlin even angrier than his personality did… which was saying something.

Merlin stumbled into his dorm, the alcohol suddenly hitting him with all the force it could muster. He fumbled in his pockets for the keys to his room, his fingers feeling nothing but cloth. He groaned. He couldn't have left the keys at the party, could he? Well he wasn't about to go back. Not with that dunderhead still there.

He glanced aimlessly down the darkened corridor. It was empty. Everyone was either at a party, or else asleep or studying in their rooms.

He'd be alright.

Quietly, he mumbled a few words, letting the magic pass from his abdomen, right through his arms. The familiar tingle went through his fingertips and he could feel that coolness that tickled his eyes whenever they turned golden. The instant the lock clicked open, the tingle disappeared, leaving him slightly drained as it always did. He reached for the door handle.

"What did you just do?"

Merlin turned around, alarmed, his heart in his throat. An old man with shoulder length white hair wearing an oversized blue suit had just appeared in the corridor and was staring at Merlin with indignation.

Merlin felt a cold sweat break out across the back of his neck.

It couldn't be.

Not here. Not so soon. Not before he'd even begun.

"I… nothing… I was just…"

"You were doing magic!" The man insisted, pointing at the door which was now ajar, "You opened that door! Where did you learn that spell?"

"I…"

Merlin's heart was thundering so hard in his chest he could barely hear his own voice.

"Stop being so nervous. I'm not going to get you in trouble," the man huffed, "I just want to know where you learnt magic."

"I was born with it," Merlin said, his voice strangled. "I learnt a few spells off the internet."

"Can you open bigger locks with that spell?"

"No sir."

The man gave him a peculiar look. "Still. That's quite impressive. It's not easy to open a locked door like that."

Merlin remained silent, his heart-rate slowing down. The man didn't seem angry, he just seemed… odd.

"You have a talent boy. What's your name?"

"Will." Merlin said, quickly.

The man frowned. "I said I wouldn't get you in trouble. What's your real name?"

"What makes you so sure that isn't my real name?"

"Well if it is, then I'm going to have to go back on my promise and get you in trouble for breaking into…" The man turned towards the door and read out the two names, written in block letters on colourful construction paper, that had been stuck across it, "… Merlin and Gwaine's room."

"My name is Merlin," he mumbled, defeated.

The man raised an eyebrow. "Are you Hunith's son?"

"Yes." Merlin frowned, "Do you know my mother?"

"I used to… quite well. I knew your father too. We used to meet all the time at the society. Your father…. he didn't have magic, but was he was a great advocate for preserving the magical artefacts. Wonderful work. Your mother, however, was the true hero. She protested against the new laws with a persistence and energy I didn't know humans were capable of." He smiled, "You must have already been born then."

"Yeah," Merlin said, uncertainly tugging at the sleeves of his shirt, "I was two when the law was passed."

"Your powers are quite extraordinary," the man continued. "With formal training you would be…"

He cocked his head slightly to the side and looked at Merlin, his gray eyes wide and expressive, "Would you like me to teach you?"

"Huh?"

"Magic… would you like to learn magic?"

"I'm sorry…" Merlin stammered, "But who are you?"

"Oh I'm sorry," the man shook his head, sending his hair flying, "I am Professor Oldman. Gaius. You can call me Gaius."

"What do you teach?"

"Biology. I just stopped off at your dorm to drop off something for a student. That boy, Nikolai. Do you know him? Silly boy. Always forgetting his laptop in the classroom. That's irrelevant. What do you say, Merlin?"

"I…"

Since his childhood, Merlin's mother had warned him to talk about his magic as little as possible, even around people who knew his secret. Yet here was this man, openly talking about magic in the hallway of his dorm, and offering to teach it to him.

"Do you mind if I get back to you?" Merlin asked, his voice wavering. His heart was still hammering from the shock of almost being caught.

"Of course, boy," Gaius smiled and patted him on the back. "But be sure to let me know by next week, otherwise all my one-on-one classes will fill up."

He began walking towards the exit when a thought occurred to him and he turned around.

"Oh and Merlin… I think it goes without saying that this conversation should remain between you and me."

"Yes, professor."

The man smiled and Merlin hurried into his room, his head spinning.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much for the reviews :) They honestly make my whole day so much better.

**Chapter Ten**

_Dear Ares,_

_To be completely honest, your news thrilled me. It makes me feel loads better knowing you're probably having a similar experience somewhere in the world._

_How has uni been for you till now?_

_Things have been pretty good with me so far (touch wood). The lessons are fantastic, for one. The university I'm going to is one of those that really encourages freedom, so I get to study a whole range of things, not just the thing I want to major in. My roommate is hilarious, and I've already met some really sweet people, which is wonderful. I mean, currently we're still at the phase where we're really polite to each other and there's always a slight awkwardness between us, but it's only been a few days… hopefully in the next few weeks we'll get more comfortable with each other._

_There is one problem, though. I was actually wondering if you could give me some advice? Because you've mentioned dealing with a lot of awful people. And while I've dealt with my fair share of douchebags, I've never come across one like this. Basically, there's this guy that goes to my school and he's a complete arsehole. He's the whole gamut - obnoxious, arrogant, shallow. But the worst part is, I feel like I'm the only person who sees what he really is. Everyone else seems to love him! And I know why - they all think they know him (even though they don't) and they've deluded themselves into believing he's god's gift to man. But he's not. He's infuriating and supercilious. You're probably going to tell me to ignore him, and I would… but he keeps showing up everywhere! And I sort of did something really stupid, and now he has it out for me. I know it's partly my fault, but do you have any advice? He really irks me, and I feel like if I don't find a way to deal with my anger I'm going to end up doing something stupid. And trust me, things would not go well for me if I accidentally punch him in the face._

_Ugh. Just thinking about him gets me all riled up. I wish you went to my university instead. I would like that so much better. Anyway…_

_I'm sure it a comforting thought - to believe that everything happens for a reason. I wish I believed it, but I just can't. Maybe one day I'll tell you why._

_Ares, you are a dollophead. If there's one thing I've learnt in my short eighteen years of existence, it's that you shouldn't let people get to you. People will say all sorts of things about you - they will call you odd, they will call you a freak… they will say the worst possible things because they can't understand you. But the trick is to ignore them. Because you are a great guy, Ares. You are absolutely fantastic, and I would hate it if you believed otherwise._

_I wish my story about my pen name was as good as yours. It's not, unfortunately. But anyway, here's what happened…_

Arthur quickly closed the web browser as a boy sat down next to him.

"You Arthur Pendragon?" He asked, scratching his stubbled chin.

"Yes…" Arthur drawled, disinterestedly, "and you are?"

"Theon. Can you believe we got class on a Friday?"

Arthur grunted in response. He had spent all of the day before complaining to Percival about his schedule. The novel analysis lecture which was mandatory for all first years obviously hadn't been able fit everyone into one class, so they created a system where different batches met on different days of the week. Arthur had been hoping to be put in the one which met on Monday. He had only one lesson that day, which meant that he'd be able to get the damn thing over with right in the beginning of the week. But instead he'd been put in the Friday morning class… a day he was otherwise lecture-free. So instead of having Fridays off to go down to Reglin with Kay and Elyan, he was being forced to wake up at eight in the morning and  _read._ Things couldn't get any worse.

"Hi, Merlin!"

Or maybe they could.

Arthur gritted his teeth as Theon waved to the pale, scrawny boy that had just walked in. The boy waved back, grinning a dorky grin that brought out a dimple in his right cheek. As expected, he ignored Arthur and walked over to the other side of the room.

 _He_ was in this batch? Arthur couldn't stop from emitting a low growl. Of all the damn batches he could have been in, he was in  _Arthur's_  batch. Maybe Emrys was right. Maybe there wasn't a god. No god would put him through this.

"That kid's in my dorm," Theon said, grinning, showing off a set of chipped teeth. "He's a cool guy."

"I'm sure," Arthur replied dryly.

"Dunno why he's sitting all he way there, though."

 _I can take a guess_ , Arthur thought. But he remained silent. Instead, he looked around the classroom and noticed with alarm that everyone - except for that Merlin - was sitting on his side of the lecture hall, staring eagerly at him. He suddenly became extremely awkward for so unknowingly finding himself in the spotlight, but he also felt a sense of relief. A sense of relief that that… stunt… Merlin had pulled the other day at 'Wrap and Roll' hadn't affected his popularity like he thought it would.

Maybe things wouldn't turn out so terrible after all.

He turned to look at Merlin, sitting by himself amidst the gathering of empty seats at the end of the lecture hall and sent him a smug look which he obviously didn't see. He was so… ungainly. How could a boy like him possibly have had the guts to come up and talk to Arthur like that? And then continue talking to him like that at that party? Sure it was… brave. But it made Arthur's blood boil.

Merlin had blamed him for acting like he was entitled to perks. Of course he was entitled to perks. He was the prince. That stupid, gangly buffoon clearly had no idea of the amount of training Arthur was forced to go through every day so that he could one day dedicate his life to serving other people.

 _You haven't done anything for the people yet,_ a small voice in his head that sounded oddly like Morgana, chided,  _maybe Merlin has a point._  As usual, Arthur ignored it. Who cared about that nerdy thing anyway? His attempt at ruining Arthur's reputation hadn't worked, and all those hurtful things he had said to Arthur hadn't affected him at all. That was the beauty of being prince, Arthur thought, he knew he was better off than everyone else, so such insults just bounced off him. Plus, who cared what Mickey Mouse ears thought anyway?

The people around Arthur began asking him ernest questions about his favourite books and authors, and he answered them politely. He wanted nothing more than to get back to reading his latest email from Emrys, but he knew he shouldn't be pushing away people who wanted to be friends with him. He had already found a small group of fun guys to hang out with - Leon, from his politics class had introduced him to two very cool second years, Elyan and Kay. All three of them were on the football team and Kay even worked part time as a DJ. But given his track record, Arthur knew he had to keep his options open. He had always been friends with guys like Elyan and Kay, and things had always turned out the same way. With betrayal and Arthur getting angry.

Arthur knew that he'd be better off being friends with people who didn't have that guileful streak in them, but had become so used to pushing 'un-cool' people away with his masquerade of ceaseless nonchalance. It wasn't his fault… not completely. It was his father that had always encouraged such affected aloofness. But aloofness, Arthur knew, didn't make him any friends… it just created more 'fans'.

Yes, there was Morgana, but she had been acting strange too. She'd been avoiding his calls and when he finally grabbed hold of her in the party the night before, she had seemed normal, until he asked about her classes and she suddenly began acting agitated and left. Arthur felt like he was overthinking it… maybe she had just remembered she had a lot of homework like she'd said when she excused herself. She could have been avoiding his calls because she was having a rough few weeks, or because she just didn't check her phone very often…

It could be anything, really. But it definitely wasn't the way Arthur pictured their reunion happening.

* * *

"Professor?" Merlin pushed open the door and peered into the room.

Gaius was sitting in an armchair by the window reading a book, half-moon glasses perched on his nose. He looked up as Merlin walked into the room.

"Ah, Merlin!" He said, smiling, "How have you been?"

"Very good, professor."

"Excellent. Please… sit down." He pointed to the chairs by the desk and Merlin spun one around, so that it faced Gaius's armchair, and sat down gingerly.

"I've… decided to take up your offer," he said, nervously, "I'd be very grateful if you could teach me magic."

Merlin had spent all day considering Gaius's proposal, and had finally called up his mother for advice.

"Do you know a man named Gaius?" he had blurted out when she answered the phone.

"It's good to hear from you too, Merlin," she replied laughing.

She had then proceeded to tell him the whole story. Gaius had been a very 'dear friend' of her and his father. They had all been members of the 'Society for the Study of Magical Arts' and he'd even played a big role in helping Hunith, Galahad and baby Merlin escape to Ealdor when Uther was sending men out to kill people who either had or supported magic. They had fallen out of touch, however, because Gaius had remained a very faithful friend to the King. He may have helped a lot of people escape Camelot, but he had stayed by the King's side and given up studying and practicing magic, and Hunith could never wrap her head around that.

"Uther trusts his judgement, but during the Great Purge he never tried very hard to stop him." Hunith confessed, "Though he helped us escape, I was very sore after your father's death, and was furious with him for being a trusted ally of the man who killed him. But he is a good man. If it wasn't for him, both you and I would be dead."

"But can I trust him?" Merlin had asked, worriedly.

"Yes. He's changed since then. He's still friends with Uther, but you can see that he repents not trying harder to prevent the law from being passed. He's seen what Uther can do… Honestly, I think him offering to teach you magic is sort of his way of trying to start making things right again."

Merlin had still been uncertain, but he knew that he wouldn't get an opportunity like this ever again. Besides, his mother said he could be trusted. So after his morning novel-analysis lesson, he'd headed straight to Gaius's office.

Gaius smiled. "Wonderful. I have a free spot… wednesdays at three. Are you free then?"

"That would work."

"Brilliant. We will tell people biology didn't fit on your schedule, but you were eager to learn it as soon as possible, so you came to me and I agreed to coach you one-on-one. Understood?"

"Yes, professor."

Gaius eyed him, strangely. "Don't look so nervous, boy. I'm not going to bite you. Would you like some tea?"

Merlin hesitated but then nodded. Gaius made him oddly uncomfortable, but he had a question he really wanted to ask the man. "Two teaspoons of sugar, please."

The old man got up and walked over to the desk where a kettle and two cups were kept, as if waiting for Merlin's arrival.

"Did you have any classes this morning?" Gaius asked conversationally, as he poured tea in both the cups.

"Uh… yes, I had novel-analysis."

"Are you liking it?"

"It's alright."

Gaius gave him a sympathetic half-smile. "You don't like your professor?"

"No, she's very good. It's the people in my class…" He sighed. "Arthur Pendragon is in my class, so most of the kids were just sitting there, fawning over him instead of participating in the class discussion. It was extremely distracting."

Gaius nodded, placing a cup besides Merlin. "I can see how that would be irritating."

"It would have been less irritating if he wasn't such a giant ass…"

The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them, but Gaius burst out laughing, the cup in his hand shaking precariously.

"I've known the prince since he was a boy," he said, when his laughter subsided. He sat back down on his arm chair and placed his tea carefully on a little table next to him. "And I agree. He is a little bit of a spoiled brat."

Merlin scoffed, partly out of agreement and partly out of relief, and took a sip of his tea. The scalding liquid burnt his tongue and he quickly placed the cup back on his desk, sloshing some of it onto the wood.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" He began, but Gaius waved it off.

"It happens."

Gaius was watching him with interest, and Merlin quickly turned to look at his shoes.

"Do you have any napkins? I'll…"

"Don't worry about it."

The way the old man was staring at him, Merlin felt like he could see into his soul.

"But Arthur isn't a bad boy, you know." Gaius continued, as if forgetting the tea-spilling intervention. "He's… lost. He's conflicted. So much is forced down his throat every single day. Other people's opinions, other people's expectations… Everyone telling him what to do and what to believe. So, of course, he acts out. He clings to the advantage of his title and tries to do what he's expected to do. But he is a good lad. And one day he'll be a great king."

Merlin snorted, "Yeah. We'll see about that."

Gaius took a sip of his tea, still staring intently at Merlin. "Is there something you want to ask me?" He asked.

Merlin bit his lip. "Yes, actually."

"Well, don't be afraid. What is it?"

"I…" Merlin took a deep breath. "I wanted to know about my father. You said you knew him. What… was he like?"

Merlin had heard several stories about Balinor from Hunith, but it was never enough. For one, he knew his mother censored her stories, preventing him from knowing the true horrors that led to his father's death. But he wanted to know. He _needed_ to know. And not just that... he needed to know  _everything_. Even though he had been only two years old when his father died, Merlin felt guilty for not remembering him. Which is why he wanted to make up for it by learning everything he could about the man who had given him life.

"Balinor was… kind," Gaius said, looking pensively outside the window. "He was aggressive and determined, but he was selfless. Always thinking about others. When his first wife - Nim - died, leaving him to care for Galahad by himself, he was destroyed. But he dedicated himself to his son and to the collection and study of ancient magic artefacts, never once showing how much pain he felt at her demise. When he married your mother and she began caring for Galahad as well, he threw himself even more into the study of magic and would travel around Albion on a constant quest to discover old magical relics. When Uther tried to have them destroyed during the Great Purge, he… he stood up to him. He tried to protect the museums, the…" Gaius stopped, his breath hitching.

He turned back to Merlin, clearing his throat. "You should probably head on out now. I have a meeting with the headmaster. I'll see you on wednesday."


	11. Chapter Eleven

Time passed.

True to it's enigmatic nature, it seemed to go both, too fast and too slowly. Merlin found himself slipping easily into life at Sorsbrooke, getting deeply involved in student life and his studies, and keeping himself busy enough to avoid thinking about the trickles of that hollow feeling of detachment that had followed him from Ealdor.

He grew extremely fond of Gwaine. The boy seemed to take a great liking to Merlin as well, and soon they were behaving like they had known each other for years. Their room became a warm, comfortable place that did justice to it's status as make-shift home.

His friendship with Gwen blossomed as well, and Merlin spent almost every night studying and watching old, crappy music videos with her. He even befriended a boy from one of his history classes called Lancelot (Lance, for short) who quickly integrated himself into their little group. Every Thursday night he would turn up at Merlin's dorm with a bag full of sweets, and they would binge-watch episodes of 'House'.

Merlin met with Gaius every wednesday for his magic lessons, and was delighted to discover that his powers were becoming stronger at an extremely fast rate. Initially, he was worried he'd have a harder time trying to hide them, but he found that as he got more powerful, he also developed better control of them. Gaius trained him to use his emotions to constrain and strengthen the spells, which helped prevent spurts of magic from erratically bursting out whenever he felt overwhelming emotion.

His weekends were alternately packed with events and completely empty, allowing him to relax and bide his time writing poetry, watching shows and downloading new albums. Even the snotty prince wasn't a problem anymore. Though he and Arthur had novel-analysis together, they also had a silent agreement to ignore each other, and the large student body certainly helped keep them apart.

Merlin still felt like he didn't completely belong, but the feeling had grown less since he left Ealdor, which led him to believe he was on the right path. Yet there were days when he wondered if that sense of being an alien in a world of humans was an unshakable part of his personality. It was only when he got his letters from Ares when he knew this wasn't true.

It was when he wrote or received a letter from Ares when he felt like he belonged.

And as his connect with Ares grew even deeper, Merlin tried to explain that feeling to himself. Initially, he assumed it was because Ares represented a semblance of stability in his inconsistent surroundings. His letters had been there for Merlin through his last few months of sixth form, and there were still there, helping him get through university. Every Monday he would get a new letter from him, and it was always as gratifying as the last one. Despite the fact that receiving a new letter from the boy still made Merlin's heart pound in his chest, and his stories and musings still had Merlin breathless at every word, he staunchly assumed what they had between them was nothing more than the sweet satisfaction of an unwavering friendship.

Until the ice cream incident.

It took place about a month and a half into his first term. Merlin was studying in the library when Gwaine came running in, laughing hysterically.

"You will not believe what happened!" He gasped, "The ice cream machine in Stevens broke and it's spilling ice cream  _everywhere._ It's spraying like a fountain! There are people walking around campus with ice cream all over them, it's hilarious!"

Merlin had dashed outside with Gwaine and sure enough, there were people hurrying towards their dorms with vanilla ice cream running down their faces, in their hair, and all over their clothes. Merlin and Gwaine had even gone over to Stevens, but by then the machine had been stopped. However, the novelty of the incident took a while to wear off and students didn't stop talking about it for days. It spawned a series of awful jokes and the school newspaper had a whole article about it, dubbing it 'The Great Ice Cream Explosion of 2013'.

Merlin had written eagerly to Ares, describing the incident in as much detail as he could, positive that he would be extremely amused by it. However, Merlin found himself frightfully surprised to find an email from Ares in his inbox the very next day. He opened it, his heart racing in his chest, to find only one line.

_Do you go to Sorsbrooke?_

* * *

"Merlin!"

Merlin looked up from his books, disoriented.

"Hmm?"

Gwaine was frowning at him from across the room. "Could you stop that?"

"Stop what?"

"Drumming your fingers against the desk. It's really distracting."

Merlin stared down at his fingers, unaware of the noise they had been making moments earlier.

"Oh, sorry." He mumbled.

Gwaine turned back to the charcoal portrait he was working on, and Merlin closed his books with a sigh, knowing that despite staring at them for forty minutes not a single word had registered in his mind. Instead, he listened to the sound of charcoal scraping paper, his stomach twisting.

Ares went to Sorsbrooke.

_Ares._

The boy he'd been writing to for months. The boy he'd grown to trust. Grown to…

Merlin didn't know what it was. He didn't know Ares, but he felt like he  _knew_ him. And the moment he received that one line response to his email confessing he went to Sorsbrooke… the moment he read those words:  _I go to Sorsbrooke too,_ Merlin realized that even after months of receiving letters from him, his heart still danced in his chest when he got a new one. His letters made him laugh and tear up. They filled him with all kinds of feelings he'd never felt before. The boy had some sort of grip on him that no one else had ever had.

And Merlin might have seen him in person. He might even be friends with him. He could be  _anyone_. He could be Theon, or Henry, or… or Gwaine.

"Hey Merlin, how do you spell thorough?"

It probably wasn't Gwaine.

"t-h-o-r-o-u-g-h"

"Thanks."

Merlin rolled a pencil distractedly through his fingers. He could have talked to him. He could have touched his shoulder. He could have eaten a meal with him… he could have stared into his eyes and not realized that he was the same boy he loved so much.

The concept was oddly frightening.

"What's with you?"

Gwaine had moved so that he was sitting sideways on his desk chair, his attractive features furrowed with concern.

"It's nothing." Merlin said, dully.

"It's obviously something." Gwaine put down his stick of charcoal and folded his arms on the back of the chair. "What's going on?"

Merlin tried to rack his brain for an excuse. He could say that he hadn't got much sleep, that always seemed to wo…

"It is about those emails you keep getting?"

Merlin's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"W..what emails?" he stammered.

"You know. The ones that you read for like an hour on Monday evenings." Gwaine smirked, "You think I didn't notice? You always get all… cheerful when you read those." He grinned. "I know you said you were reading an online story that gets updated every week, but I always hear the 'ding' from your email."

Merlin blushed, and Gwaine smiled a half-smile he seemed to reserve only for Merlin.

"Alright," Merlin admitted, "It's an email. I…" He could feel the tips of his ears getting hotter. "I have a pen pal."

Now it was Gwaine's turn to get surprised. "A pen pal? I thought you had a… girlfriend back at home, or something."

"No. He's a guy. I've… I've never met him. I don't even know his name. He uses a pen name. He found me through this site called 'The Raven'."

"Oh yeah… I've heard of that."

"Well he found me through that. I didn't actually upload a profile, my friend made one… it's a long story. But yeah. So we've been writing to each other for months and uh… I just found out that he goes to Sorsbrooke too."

Gwaine's eyes widened. "Woah!" he gasped, "No way!"

"He just told me last night, and I… don't know what to do."

"You really had no idea?"

"None at all!"

"So… you have no idea what he looks like or what his real name is?"

"Nope."

"So he could be anyone? He could be… Lancelot?"

"Yup."

"Kay?"

"Yup."

"Oh my god!" Gwaine grinned, gleefully. "That is so weird."

"I know!"

Merlin slumped onto his desk, staring unseeingly at the drawing Gwaine had given him of two intertwined dragons that he had hung up on the wall above his desk light.

"What do I say to him, Gwaine?" He asked pleadingly, turning to face his roommate.

Gwaine shrugged, "You just want to continue this.. thing that you're doing, right? Then just forget about it. Just continue writing to him the way you've always done."

Merlin bit his lip, and seeing the look in his eyes, Gwaine's smile suddenly dropped.

"I don't know if I can do that," Merlin admitted, "I mean. He's  _here._ He's so close."

Gwaine's expression was suddenly unreadable. Merlin squirmed in his chair.

"I like him Gwaine. I like him a lot."

"Then wouldn't it be better if you didn't know who he was? Wouldn't that sort of… ruin it?" Gwaine asked.

Merlin made a noncommittal gesture and sighed. "I don't know. Maybe. But the thing is… I know him so intimately, I think we're past the point where things like looks, and who we're friends with… and superficial stuff like that, matters. I know who he is deep inside. That's what I like about him. Everything else is just… there."

Gwaine gave him a wobbly smile. "Man. You really like this guy. You know me in person, how come you don't like me so much?"

"Maybe I would if you stopped eating all the brownies my mom sends me from home." He joked.

Gwaine laughed. "Well," he said finally, "whatever your gut tells you to do, I'm sure it's the right decision."

Merlin's gut was confused by his brain which was telling him a hundred different things, but he forced a smile and said, "Thanks Gwaine."

"Now shut up," Gwaine instructed, "I have to finish this piece."

He turned back to his drawing and the room fell into silence again, excluding the scratching of charcoal against paper.

"Gwaine?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell anyone about this, alright?"

"Obviously not."


	12. Chapter Twelve

Arthur knocked on the door and rocked anxiously on the balls of his feet, waiting for it to open. A girl in a towel walked casually by, almost as if she were strolling through a park, and gave him a coquettish smile. He smiled awkwardly in return. As she disappeared into her room, three boys talking in hushed whispers passed him, unaware of who he was. Arthur hurriedly knocked on the door again.

It finally opened, and a gawky girl with long, black tresses stood in the doorway, staring open-mouthedly at him with wide, bespectacled brown eyes.

"Hi," Arthur forced a smile, "you must be Morgana's roommate. Is she there?"

"Oh," The girl blushed. "Yeah she's just gone to the bathroom. She'll be back in a minute."

For a second neither of them moved - Arthur remained fidgeting in the narrow hallway as the girl continued gaping at him from inside the room.

"Oh, sorry," she said, abruptly, "would you like to wait inside?"

"That would be nice, thank you." Arthur said, grinning.

She let out what sounded like a whimper and stepped to the side. Arthur walked in and stopped in the center of the room, swinging his arms, unsure of what to do next. He considered pulling out his phone and pretending to answer a text message, but instead he swept his gaze around the room, purposefully avoiding eye-contact with the embarrassed girl.

"You're a Billy Joel fan!" he proclaimed suddenly, spotting a 'The Stranger' poster above a bed.

"That's Morgana's." The girl admitted, shyly.

"Oh." Arthur mentally slapped himself. Breaking Bad and Maroon 5 posters covered every inch of that wall and the bed had Toy Story bed sheets. Obviously that side was Morgana's.

"I like him too, though." The girl piped up, "Movin' Out is my favourite of his."

"I like Uptown Girl. But Movin' Out is a close second. No wait… the Stranger is good too." Arthur gave her a wan smile, "So many good songs, huh?"

She nodded eagerly. "He's great."

They fell into a claustrophobic silence again.

"I'm sorry," Arthur said, finally, "I didn't catch your name."

"Gwen." She said, quickly, outstretching her hand. "Guinevere… but you can call me Gwen."

He clasped her clammy hand. "Why? Guinevere is such a pretty name."

Gwen looked like she was about to faint when the door slammed open and Morgana walked in.

"There you are." Arthur said, dropping Gwen's hand and grinning at his cousin.

Morgana gave him a weak smile. "Hey you."

He grabbed her into a hug. Gwen, looking even more awkward - a feat which Arthur didn't think was physically possible - skittered to her side of the room, picked up a text-book and pretended to study.

"You busy?" Arthur asked Morgana as they separated.

"A little." Morgana said, smiling, "But I always have time for you,  _your majesty_."

He stuck his tongue out at her and she pointed towards her bed. They walked over to it and sat down on either side of it, facing each other.

"What's up?"

"I like your room, by the way." Arthur said, gesturing around.

"Thank you. It's been almost two months and this is the first time you're seeing it." She laughed. "You are such a prat."

He grinned.

"So what is this problem you wanted to tell me about?" She asked, pulling out a candy bar from the folds of her jacket and slowly peeling the wrapper away.

Arthur sent a quick, cautious look in Gwen's direction and dropped his voice.

"So remember that pen pal I told you about? Emrys?"

"Hmm?"

"Alright so, I found this out a few weeks ago… she goes here."

"What?"

"She goes here. To Sorsbrooke."

Morgana arched a slender eyebrow. "Really?"

"Can you believe it?" Arthur shook his head, looking out the window at the cloudless, blue sky. "I mean.. she's  _here._ Like… she's been  _here_ all along. I could know her. She could be in one of my classes, or in my dorm. She could be that girl who keeps sitting down on the table next to me in Stevens. She could be anybody… bloody hell, Morgana, what do I do? This is killing me!"

Morgana furrowed her brow. "You've known this for a few weeks now?" she asked, slowly.

Arthur nodded.

"Then why haven't you asked her to meet you yet?"

He let out a short laugh and then saw the stony look in her eye. "What? You're serious?" he stared at her, "Morgana… I can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"I… I mean," he fumbled, "what if… there's something she isn't telling me?"  _What if she knows who I am and hates me_  "What if she's been lying to me? You know… what if… what if she's not a student? What if she goes here  _as a professor?_ Huh? I certainly can't date her then…" his voice faded away and he bit his lip in alarm, realizing that he had let too much slip. But as he turned hesitantly towards Morgana he found her with that now-familiar glazed look in her eye. His heart sank.

"Morgana?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you Ok?"

She twitched slightly. "Oh yes, I'm fine. I… uh… just remembered. I have to meet Professor Septus."

"Now?" Arthur gave her a uneasy look, "That guy is creepy, Morgana."

She glared at him. "He's just giving me lessons, Arthur. It's not like I'm having it off with him."

"I know, but you're always in his office."

"Because unlike you," she spat, "I'm actually interested in learning."

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, but she stood up, silencing him. "You should go."

Arthur followed suit and stood up, trying to hide the disappointment on his face.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he said, apologetically. "I just… I feel like we haven't spent enough time together since I've come here. I miss you."

She smiled, and he noticed that it didn't reach her eyes.

"We will," she promised, "soon."

She led him to the door of the room and Arthur tried to wave goodbye to Gwen, but Morgana silently shut it before he could get another word in.

She wasn't the same girl he'd grown up with, Arthur knew that for sure now. She was distant and distracted. She wasn't the same Morgana he could be silly with, the one who used to play sword-fighting and go on adventure trips in the woods around the castle with him. She wasn't  _his_ Morgana. No, this Morgana was… absent. A shell of the girl she used to be.

He stood there for a minute staring at the door of her room, wondering what went wrong. He'd tried to ask her so many times but she always reacted the same way - by recoiling.

He walked dejectedly back to his suite, waved to Percival who was reading in the living room and locked himself in his room. He sat back down at his computer.

If only he knew Emrys in person, he thought staring at the screen, then maybe he wouldn't feel so damn alone.

His heart began racing as he thought about it.

Morgana had a point. He  _could_ meet Emrys. She did go here, after all.

Maybe her opinion of him would change when she found out who he really was, but maybe not. After all, they had already formed a pretty solid relationship.

What was life without a little risk anyway? After all, the last risk he had taken had led him to Emrys. Maybe… well, maybe this was the way things were supposed to be.

Before he knew it, Arthur had typed it out… a short, to-the-point message from Ares to Emrys. An invitation for her to either thrill him to bits or completely destroy him.

 _Here goes,_  he thought, his mind whirring. Taking a deep breath he clicked send and, in an instant, it was gone.

* * *

_Dear Emrys,_

_I can't bear it any more. Every girl that passes me by, every girl that smiles at me… I can't help but wonder if she's you. I know I was the one who insisted we do this whole… mysterious thing, but honestly, knowing that you're here… knowing that you are so close… I don't think I can go back to the way things were before. Not when you could be sitting in front of me in class, or on the table next to me in the dining halls._

_I would like to meet you. It's fine if you don't want to. Honestly, I will completely understand. But if you do… what do you say to meeting at 'The Bean' at ten on Friday?_

_Ares_

* * *

The first time Merlin read the email he choked on the biscuit he was eating. After he finished hacking and drinking three glasses of water, he read the email again. And again. And then a fourth time.

He closed the web page, and then re-loaded it and logged into 5kmail again just to make sure he hadn't dreamt it.

It was still there, in all it's glory. Once again, Ares had managed to catch him completely off-guard.

For the past few weeks their correspondence had gone back to normal. Neither of them had said another word about how they were both in the same university, and the emails came and went as they always did. Yet, Merlin hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. He'd taken to daydreaming, and tried to imagine every person who passed him as being Ares. As far as the letters were concerned, however, he was lulled back into the familiar routine.

Then came this one, and threw everything for a spin. Again.

He wanted to meet.

Ares wanted to meet him.

But that wasn't even the worst part.

Merlin had been distracted through all of his day's lectures, going through the motions of daily life robotically as he waited to catch hold of Gwaine. His roommate was the only one he could talk to about this.

And he really needed someone to talk to.

"Are you alright?" Gwen had asked him at lunch, when he was staring out of the window, chewing on a carrot.

"Of course!" He'd said, brightly.

She'd known something was going on with him, but she didn't ask, and Merlin didn't want to share. Gwaine had been very respectful… for the most part. Sure, in the beginning he'd asked a thousand and one questions about Ares and their cyber relationship, but when Merlin hadn't been very forthcoming with his answers, Gwaine had graciously let it slide. Merlin didn't think he'd be quite so lucky if Lancelot or Gwen got to know about it.

 

It was late in the evening when he burst through the door of his room and caught Gwaine in the middle of changing, a shirt poised over his head. The boy froze, knowing something was wrong from the panicked, wide-eyed look Merlin gave him.

"Christ Merlin, what is it?"

"Ares wants to meet me!" He cried, dropping his bag to the floor of their room.

Gwaine was speechless for a second, clearly struggling with his words.

"That's great! Isn't that what you wanted?" He asked, pulling the shirt on, causing his abs to disappear under the light blue fabric.

"I don't know what I want." Merlin said, strangled. "I mean, I want to meet him… more than anything. But… I mean. I'm nervous. What if I make a fool of myself?"

"Merlin, come on. You're…"

"That's not the biggest problem though," Merlin said quickly, cutting him off. "There's something else."

"What?"

"He thinks I'm a girl."

There was stunned silence for a second, and then Gwaine burst out laughing, his well-toned shoulders heaving up and down as he doubled over.

"Seriously?" he gasped.

"It's not funny, Gwaine," Merlin whined, knowing full-well just how hilarious it really was.

Merlin would have been laughing the loudest if it didn't muddle his brain that, for all the months he'd been writing to Ares, the boy thought he was a girl. Surely he'd mentioned  _somewhere_  that he was a guy? He had spent the whole day thinking back on past emails from him and things were suddenly starting to make sense. It explained why Ares had been so confused to discover that Merlin's roommate was a boy, for one. Surely Merlin must have mentioned not being female, despite the fact that writing in first person didn't require him to indicate his gender? Merlin had then begun to wonder if Ares was, perhaps, a girl… but he recalled him frequently starting stories about his childhood with 'when I was a boy…'. So Merlin figured, unless Ares had had a sex-change, he was definitely a boy.

Gwaine was still giggling at the news and Merlin tried to glare at him.

"Oh stop, Gwaine. I can't meet him now, right? I mean… he's expecting a girl."

Gwaine shrugged, a smile still lingering on his face, "It's not like you told him you were a girl, right? I mean… he just made that assumption on his own."

"I guess…" Merlin tapered off, letting out a loud gasp. "Oh my god. The profile. The profile that Will made. It said I was a girl."

Gwaine, who had coerced Merlin into telling him the story of Will and the fake profile, burst into fresh peals of laughter at Merlin's stricken expression. Merlin sat on his bed, arms crossed, giving Gwaine a cold look until he stopped.

"Look Merlin," Gwaine reasoned, wiping tears from the corner of his eyes, "You can explain everything when you meet him. Sure, he's expecting a girl… but he likes you for you, right? I mean, you said yourself… the superficial stuff doesn't matter. It's not like gender matters in a friendship anyway, right?"

Merlin nodded silently, not voicing the fact that he was hoping for a little more than just friendship.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

"Gwaine, hurry up." Merlin said, tapping his foot loudly against the leg of his desk. "We're already ten minutes late."

"Calm down." Gwaine said, pulling on his shoes with excruciating slowness. "I thought you said you wanted to be late."

"A  _little_ late. I don't want wait till I've grown a beard."

"You'd look good with a beard."

" _Gwaine."_

"Hey, don't snap at me!" Gwaine huffed, "I'm doing you a favour. It's not like I  _want_  to spend my Friday evening hanging out with you and your cyber boyfriend."

Merlin felt silent, and Gwaine's expression softened.

"I mean…"

"No you're right," Merlin mumbled. "I'm sorry."

But he couldn't stop himself from anxiously pacing the room as Gwaine tied his laces.

 _This is it,_ he told himself,  _tonight's the night_.

Gwaine finally grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and the two of them silently headed out into the cool night air. It was just a few days until the mid-term break, and the air was starting to get that cold sharpness to it. Merlin pulled his jacket tighter around himself.

"Why don't you just zip it up?" Gwaine asked, giving him a curious look.

Merlin shrugged and reluctantly obeyed, not wanting to let Gwaine know that he was avoiding covering up the black shirt he had bought specially for tonight.

Not that Gwaine was unaware of how much time and effort he had spent getting ready for this. Merlin had pretended to be nonchalant about the whole thing - which was a futile affair, given that he had spent the past three days talking about it nonstop - but he couldn't keep himself from constantly preening in the mirror and smoothening his hair. He'd even taken an hour long bath… which was not something he normally did.

Gwaine had smirked and teased him about it, but it was all quite half-hearted. Merlin could understand why. Gwaine was the only one in Sorsbrooke who knew about Ares, and so was forced to listen to Merlin's incessant chatter about his nervousness regarding their meeting - not to mention had to endure his mood swings from excited to panicked - all alone. Merlin was sure he was sick of hearing him talk about Ares by now, even though he hadn't complained even once. Merlin really appreciated it… he knew better than anyone how annoying keeping secrets could be, and he felt bad for putting Gwaine in such a position. He made a mental note to make it up to him some day.

The café loomed in the distance and Merlin suddenly felt a rush of nausea.

"Oh my god, Gwaine." He stopped in his tracks, finally letting his panic show. "Gwaine, I can't do this."

Gwaine gave a small, disbelieving laugh. "What?"

"I can't… I mean… I don't." He bit his lip. "I can't do this. You have to go look in the window for me. Tell me what he looks like."

Gwaine's eyes grew wide. "What? Why?"

"What if he's… covered in boils?" Merlin asked, lamely. "Like big, bulging boils?"

"I thought you said his looks didn't matter."

"They don't! But…" Merlin felt like he was floundering, trying not to drown. "…if he's covered in boils I'd like to be warned before hand."

Gwaine gave him an odd look which was both endearing and pained. "Man, Merlin…" he shook his head, "You owe me one after this."

"I owe you one?" Merlin gave him a small smile, "What about that time I had to pay for those twelve beers you drank in one night?"

Gwaine stared off into the distance, thoughtfully. "Ok," he decided, "We're even."

Merlin let out a laugh despite the fact that his stomach felt like a wet towel being wrung dry. Gwaine bounded up the steps leading to the door of 'The Bean' and Merlin trailed cautiously behind him, pausing at the foot of the steps.

"He said he'd be holding a book called 'The Lionheart'. Do you see him?"

"Hmm." Gwaine peered through the large windows beside the door, "There are two people reading…"

"Is he one of them?"

"No. None of the books are called 'The Lionheart'"

"Oh."

"And both of them are girls."

Merlin groaned. "Well then neither of them are him, are they?"

"I don't know, Merlin." Gwaine smirked, "He thought you were a chick, maybe you made the same mist…"

"He's a guy, alright Gwaine? Just look for him please."

"Geez," Gwaine said defensively, "you don't have to get so worked up about it."

Merlin gave him an apologetic smile. "Sorry. I'm just a little nervous."

 _A little nervous_ was possibly the biggest understatement of the century. Watching Gwaine search so unhurriedly for Ares was absolute agony.

"Oh wait, there's a person who isn't reading but they have a book with th…" Gwaine turned to Merlin, arching an eyebrow. "'The Lionheart' you said?"

"Yeah."

"I found him."

"Oh my god!" Merlin breathed. "Really? The book says 'The Lionheart'? It's really him?"

Gwaine suddenly had a very uncomfortable look about him. "Yeah… it's him."

"So?" Merlin felt like he had just ingested a marching band. His heart and ears were pounding and his brain felt close to exploding. Why wasn't Gwaine saying anything? "What does he look like? Do you know him?"

"Uh… how have you been getting along with Arthur Pendragon lately?"

_Huh?_

"What?" Merlin asked, his anxiety evaporating for a second, "What does he have to do with anything?"

"Do you still hate him?"

"Is he still an asshole?" Merlin challenged, rolling his eyes. "Why are you bringing him up now? This isn't the ti…" His eyes suddenly got wide and he gasped. "Is it Elyan? Oh my lord, tell me it isn't Elyan."

"No."

Merlin didn't like the pitying look Gwaine was giving him.

"Gwaine?"

"It's Arthur."

"WHAT?"

Merlin dashed up the stairs and stared into the window, unable to believe it. Sure enough, there was Arthur Pendragon with those large, innocent blue eyes and that breathtaking jawline, sitting at a small table in the middle of the café, a book noticeably propped up against the napkin dispenser in front of him. The title of the book stood out prominently against the dull cover. 'The Lionheart', it was unmistakable. The young prince was alternating between glancing around the café and tapping on his cell phone, looking as jittery as Merlin felt.

Merlin turned away from the window, feeling weak.

"Oh my god." He sank down onto a step, holding his head in his hands. "No… there's got to be some mistake. There has to be. There is  _no way_ my Ares is Arthur Pendragon. Nope. There is no way."

"Well…" Gwaine shrugged, "You don't really know him. Arthur, I mean. Maybe if you did…"

"I know him enough!" Merlin said, gesturing violently towards the café, "and he is nothing like Ares! If he was the one writing me those emails, he was obviously…" Merlin struggled to find the words, "…faking it. He was playing a practical joke or something. I don't know. But  _he_ is not the boy I've been writing to."

He stared helplessly at the door of the café, a million things running through his mind. The things Ares had told him, things he had told Ares…

He had almost told Ares about his magic.

Merlin's mind began spinning as he tried to imagine the implications of Arthur finding out he had magic. Shaking slightly at the images that were now flashing through his mind, Merlin stood up and looked at his roommate determinedly. "Let's go, Gwaine."

Gwaine looked shocked. "Are you serious?"

Merlin didn't make eye-contact with him, but his jaw was set. "Yes. Let's go. I'm sorry I dragged you out here, this was a waste of time."

"You're just going to… leave him?" Gwaine sent the prince another look through the window and turned back to Merlin. "Just waiting here for you?"

Merlin gave a forceful nod. "I mean… I'm not going to march in there and tell Arthur Pendragon that I'm the one who's been writing to him for all these months. He'll just laugh in my face. And it's not like I want to sit and have a coffee with him either."

"But… you said you had a connecti-"

"You were just going to drop me off and go to that party in Crage Hall anyway, right? So why don't you go on ahead and I'll just meet you back in the room?"

Gwaine gave him a uncertain, worried look.

"Alright." He said, hesitantly. "Are you sure you're OK?"

"Of course."

So the two of them left 'The Bean' and walked towards Crage Hall in silence. By the time they reached the leaf-strewn pathway leading to the ivy-walled dorm, Merlin had successfully managed to compose himself. Superficially, anyway. Gwaine patted him softly on the back by way of a goodbye and an apology, and the two boys separated. Merlin continued towards his dorm, his thoughts rushing wild and the cold air burning his cheeks. He was halfway there when he let out an angry growl and a string of expletives, and turned back.

The few people who had been sitting in 'The Bean' before had gone and the café was almost deserted except for Arthur and a tall, beefy man at the very back who was engrossed in a novel. Merlin pushed the door open gingerly, but even the slight movement made Arthur jump in his chair. The prince's eager expression, however, melted into a disgusted one when he saw who it was. Merlin tried his hardest not to reflect the expression as he walked over to the counter to place his order.

He watched Arthur curiously out of the corner of his eye, and noticed - with great amusement - how he very theatrically opened his book and faked rapt attention at the words on the page. It was kind of adorable, Merlin mused as he ordered a hot chocolate, how much Arthur hated him. It was almost childish the way the two of them ignored each other in the hallways and in class, but all the while they were eagerly awaiting emails from the other. And as he waited for his order to get ready, Merlin felt a sudden flush of guilt. He hadn't even considered how excited Arthur must have been to meet Emrys. If he had abandoned him like he was planning to, the boy would have probably spent the whole night longingly staring at the doors. Even the royal prat didn't deserve to be so uncomfortably stood up.

The man at the counter gave Merlin his hot chocolate. He had no reason to hold off anymore. He had to do it.

Taking a deep breath and plastering on a fake smile, Merlin walked over to the two-seater table. Arthur's lifted his gaze towards him, his eyes betraying a look of confusion and aversion.

"Can I help you?" he asked, a hint of poison in his voice.

"Yeah, I was wondering if I could join you?" Merlin asked, his fake enthusiasm making him sound far too cheerful.

"No, I'm waiting for someone." Arthur replied bluntly.

"I'll just sit with you until they come, then."

Merlin plonked himself onto the vacant chair while Arthur looked around the almost empty coffee shop in bewilderment.

"Look," he said, struggling to keep his voice level, "I'm actually waiting for an old friend of mine who I haven't seen in a long time. So could you please just sit somewhere else?"

Taking 'The Lionheart' gently out of Arthur's hands and trying to hide his smirk at his lie, Merlin began carelessly flipping through the pages. He had read the book after Ares had recommended it to him, and it had almost moved him to tears. It was one of those rare books where he wouldn't change a thing… every beautiful, poignant word of it was utter perfection. It was hard to believe that the clotpole prince of Camelot had such an exquisite taste in books.

Arthur grabbed the book back from him.

"Do you mind?" he said, hotly.

"I'll get up as soon as your 'old friend' comes, I promise." Merlin said, faking a yawn. "So… The Lionheart. It's a good book."

"I know," Arthur said, icily. "I've read it."

"You can read?"

Arthur glared at him and Merlin mentally berated himself. His brain still hadn't registered the fact that Arthur was Ares; it was hard to make a connection between the exasperating prince and the image he had of that thoughtful, beautiful boy who had been writing to him for so many months. Merlin had always pictured Ares as a brunette with soft gray eyes, glasses, and a throaty laugh, and Arthur was pretty much the opposite of what he had expected to find. But then again, Arthur was probably closer to his image of Ares than Merlin was to his image of Emrys.

"I'm sorry," Merlin mumbled.

Arthur ignored the apology, taking a sip of his coffee. Merlin got a little dizzy picturing the prince reading his emails in a room in the castle.

"So this friend…" Merlin ventured, "When is he getting here?"

"She's a girl. And it's none of your business." Arthur snapped.

"I'm just trying to make conversation." Merlin said, innocently. "So… is she your girlfriend?"

Arthur stared at him speechlessly for a second and then spluttered, "What part of  _this is none of your business_ did you not understand?"

Merlin shrugged. "Just curious. So many people here are in long-distance relationships. That must be so hard… like, only getting to spend time with your significant other on the phone. I don't think I could do it."

Arthur was watching him with annoyance, his lip curled in disdain.

"I'm single, you know." Merlin offered, as an after-thought.

"Shocker." Arthur said, blandly.

Merlin gritted his teeth to keep back a scathing retort. "What  _is_ a Lionheart anyway?" he remarked, picking up the book again. His pretence of being completely nonchalant was making Arthur furious… something Merlin was secretly enjoying. "I mean, why do people always assume the lions are the brave ones? The lionesses are the ones that hunt, you know. I mean, if he was really brave he'd be called The Lionessheart. That would be a more appropriate title."

Arthur ignored him, picking up his phone and tapping at the screen again.

"Now, a book about my life…  _that_  should be called 'The Lionheart'. Because I'm more like the male lions… I just sit around and wait for people to bring me food."

"'Annoying Tosser Who Can't Take a Hint' would be a more appropriate title." Arthur said, witheringly.

The door swung open and Arthur almost jumped out of his seat as a pale, skinny girl in a black jumpsuit with the most enraged expression Merlin had ever seen walked in, swearing under her breath.

"Is that her?" Merlin asked, brightly, "Well, she looks like an absolute joy to be around."

The girl ignored the two of them and sat by herself in the corner of the café, shoving her earphones in her ears. Arthur slumped lower in his chair.

"I guess it's not her." Merlin said, shaking his head, "What a shame. You two would have made a wonderful couple."

"Shut up."

"I'm just saying…"

"Well don't  _just say._ " Arthur growled, "I've had enough of you. I'm sick of the way you talk to me."

"The way I talk to you? Oh I'm so sorry,  _my lord_." Merlin said, his voice suddenly dripping with sarcasm, "How dare commoners like me tell you off for treating people like they're your personal servants?"

"I  _do not_  treat people like they are my servants."

"But you believe that you're entitled to perks that the rest of us don't deserve?"

Arthur stared at him in dumbfounded silence. "I am the prince," he spluttered, finally. "You have no idea the kind of shit I have to endure  _every single day_ because I was born into royalty. I have no choice in  _anything._  Everything is pre-decided for me. I barely get to pick my own clothes in the morning. Every day I am told what to do, how to behave, what to say…"

"Aw. Poor little rich boy."

Arthur made a low, guttural sound. "It's ignorance you know?" he said, angrily, "None of you people understand what I have to go through. You just see the glamour of it. The money… the fame." He pointed to the beefy man at the back of the café. "See that guy over there? He's my bodyguard. He literally never leaves me alone."

"It's a small price to pay," Merlin said, dryly. "Some people don't have anything."

"You do, don't you? You've had an education… you have enough money to come here. What have  _you_  done with your life?" Arthur asked, a nasty sharpness to his tone. "What is the purpose of a person like you, huh? You're a… cockroach. Worse, even. People like you… they live and they die with this illusion that they have some sort of purpose. So you get lippy… you put down the king and kingdom like you have some sort of authority. You're the ant that thinks he's a dinosaur. You have all these delusions of grandeur but you just sit there dreaming and don't do anything about it. At least I'm on the path to making a difference."

Merlin stood up abruptly, his hands starting to shake. He tried to think of something cruel to say in response, but Arthur had hit his achilles heel. He could feel a painful lump beginning to form in this throat.

"Alright," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "I'll sod off."

He saw Arthur's eyes widen with regret, but he turned away quickly, his eyes beginning to burn. With hasty but deliberate steps, he left the café not bearing in mind - even for a second - how long Arthur was doubtless going to wait before he came to the realization that his princess wasn't going to come.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for the reviews and kudos. You guys have no idea how much I value your feedback :)

Merlin was quiet and brooding for the next few days, avoiding both Arthur Pendragon and 'Ares' like the plague. He didn't get any new emails from him, and he adamantly refused to even glance at any of the old ones, even though his mind was constantly buzzing, suddenly capable of making sense of all the mysterious things Ares had said over the course of their correspondence. He now knew that Ares's 'best friend who lived far away' was Morgana. His overbearing, greek mythology loving father was the king and the irritating boy who constantly tried to undermine his confidence was  _him_. Also, knowing the prince's personality, Ares's lack of reliable friends suddenly made sense too.

Gwaine, who still believed that Merlin had gone straight back to dorm after finding out that Ares was Arthur, had spent the next few days nagging him with questions about 'Ares' - "Has he ever said anything about that time he accidentally rode a motorcycle into the lake of Avalon? I've always wanted to know about that. Did you know he dated Daphne Blum? The model? Has he ever said anything about that? Did you  _really_ have no inkling that you were talking to royalty?" - but with the sting from the prince's harsh words still fresh in his mind, Merlin waved off the questions, using the fact that he still had two mid-term papers to complete as an excuse.

The first day of the mid-term break eventually rolled lethargically around. Merlin turned in his papers, packed his bags and was picked up by Galahad, who had made a lot of sales in the past few weeks, and was in high spirits. It felt good being with his brother again, and it was refreshing not to talk about either Ares or Arthur, which all his friends (irritatingly enough) seemed very intent on doing. While Gwaine was the only one who talked to him about Ares, Gwen had suddenly become very preoccupied with the prince, claiming that her first impression of him was wrong and that he 'wasn't actually such a big douche'. Lancelot, who had joined the football team, had also taken to talking about the prince and the other members of the football team - mostly in the hopes that Gwaine would join them - and even Will started off their phone conversations by asking about the prince. Of course, unlike the others, Will enjoyed hearing about how disagreeable Arthur was… but Merlin was tired of talking about Arthur, even if it was to complain.

So being with Galahad for four days was exactly the kind of break he needed. His brother wasn't interested in the glamour and gossip of the royals, and after a fleeting question about whether 'that bully was still annoying him', Galahad spent the rest of the car trip discussing art and literature, and telling Merlin silly stories about his clients.

* * *

Galahad put a steaming pot of spaghetti on the large wooden slab with legs he called a table.

"Here," he said, gesturing towards it with a sauce-stained spoon. "You finally get to taste my legendary Spaghetti Arrabbiata. Now be careful… your brain might explode from the sheer deliciousness of it."

Merlin laughed. "You've just gotten more modest about your cooking since the last time we stayed together."

Galahad grinned and sat down on the chair across from him. "That was the time I came to Ealdor to visit, wasn't it? That was a fun trip."

"Yeah," Merlin agreed. "That was the time you got us kicked out of the movie theatre."

"That man was being very disrespectful," Galahad said, frowning. "Just because he had seen the movie before didn't mean we needed his commentary."

"You didn't have to throw your coke all over him." Merlin said, giggling. He started serving himself the spaghetti, relishing the sight of the long orange strands as they dangled from the pasta spoon. It had been ages since he ate anything home-cooked.

"Yeah well he was obnoxious." Galahad flicked a curl from his eyes, conclusively. He put down the spoon he was holding and started pulling off his apron. "So tell me about this Professor Gaius…" he said, his voice muffled, "...I remember him vaguely. He used to come over and have drinks with mum and dad all the time."

It was always strange hearing about Galahad's childhood. He barely ever mentioned Balinor or his real mother, Nim… for two different reasons. He rarely spoke of Nim because she had died when he was four and he hardly remembered her. He had subsequently been raised by Hunith whom he had grown to love as a mother and had taken to calling mum, while he referred to Nim merely as 'my mother'. Balinor, on the other hand, was a painful topic for Galahad. He had been Galahad's sole parent for five years and the two of them had had a connection Merlin was secretly envious of. After all, the man had died when Merlin was two and he'd never gotten to know him at all. But he'd heard stories from Hunith about Balinor and Galahad going to theme parks and travelling around Ascetir, and he couldn't help but wish he'd had that experience with his father too.

Galahad had managed to pull his apron off and was looking at Merlin expectantly, his hair disheveled.

"He's cool. I thought he was really strange at first, but I've grown quite fond of him." Merlin said, taking tentative sips of water as he watched Galahad's pensive expression. "He said he helped you and mum escape from Camelot."

"Yeah, I remember that," Galahad picked up a fork and stuck it in the pot, pulling out a few strands of spaghetti, "He met us a few days before we ran… brought us some stuff. Whispered some instructions to mum. I wasn't really listening though, it was only a few days after d…" Galahad dropped his fork, doubling over.

"Galahad?" Merlin asked, concerned. His brother had always gotten choked up when talking about their father, but he had never seen him react like this. "Are you alright?"

Jumping up, Merlin started walking over to his brother's side but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the muscles in his back start to twitch.

It was happening.

Galahad began shaking, his arms wrapped around his shoulders as if he was caught in a snowstorm. A long hiss escaped his lips before he felt to the ground, convulsing.

"Galahad!" Merlin gasped. He looked wildly around the room for the muscle relaxant pills Galahad kept in case of emergencies like this, but he just got more and more frenzied as he couldn't find them. They were probably in his bedroom, but Merlin didn't want to leave him in case he inadvertently hurt himself. He fell to his knees and clutched his brother's shoulder.

"Galahad," he said, in a soothing voice, "It's me. It's Merlin. It's going to be OK. I'm here."

He watched with surprise and relief as the shaking mass of curls before him gradually relaxed. But as Galahad slowly lifted his head, Merlin jerked backwards, the hairs on his arm inadvertently standing on edge.

His eyes were golden. Just like Merlin's eyes when he did magic, except that these weren't disappearing in a flash.

"Galahad?" he asked, breathlessly.

"I'm sorry these are the circumstances of our first meeting, young warlock."

The voice that came out of his brother's lips sounded nothing like Galahad. It was a strange voice - hollow and oddly reptilian.

"What?" Merlin asked softly, his eyes wide.

Galahad stood up and brushed the lint off his shirt before giving Merlin an apologetic look, his deep golden eyes heavy. "It is impossible for me to return in my original form, so I'm forced to take a human one."

"What?" Merlin repeated, his voice quivering, "What do you mean?"

"This day and age doesn't permit my original form. It was difficult even before, but now it's impossible with Uther Pendragon on the throne." He sighed, shaking Galahad's black locks.

"What are you?" Merlin demanded, his fear slowly being replaced by anger as he started to understand what the creature was implying. "Why have you possessed by brother's body?"

"Why… to get to you, young warlock." He said simply. He smiled a wide toothy grin, very unlike Galahad's sly smile. "Your brother is - what we call - a vessel. Much like your father." He looked gently at Merlin. "I was a part of your father before him. But alas, you were far too young to remember or understand my words then."

Merlin could feel a hot rage crawl through his skin. A  _vessel?_ This… infernal creature didn't seem to care that by overtaking Galahad's body he had pretty much ruined his life. No, he was discussing it casually, like Galahad was just some car he was taking for a test drive. Wasn't he aware of the things he had put his brother through? And the worst part of it all was that he… it… was justifying his actions by claiming that he had done them to get to _Merlin._

"My father didn't have fits like Galahad," Merlin said, his voice almost a hiss.

"By then your father and I had grown accustomed to each other, child. I only appeared when I was summoned." He paused, and then continued in a low voice, "Unlike your father, however, your brother is only a vessel. He doesn't have the power to summon me… which is why it has been more difficult for us to get accustomed to each other."

Merlin let out a short, exasperated breath. "You aren't making any sense," he said, annoyed. "Who are you?"

"I am Kilgharrah."

"Great. That's helpful." Merlin murmured, rolling his eyes.

The man… Galahad… Kilgharrah frowned. "Think of it this way, young warlock. Your brother is an oracle, and I have appeared to set you on the right path."

"The right path?" Merlin asked, skeptically.

"You are destined to bring magic back to the five kingdoms, young one."

"What?" Merlin let out a strangled laugh. "You're joking, right?"

"Do I look like a jester to you?" Kilgharrah challenged, raising Galahad's eyebrow.

"How am I supposed to do that?" Merlin demanded. Suddenly too dizzy to stand, he quickly sat down on one of the chairs and looked up at Kilgharrah, anger and confusion lacing his brow and voice. "I mean… why me?"

"Most people have to learn magic." Kilgharrah reminded him, gently. "Few people are born with it, and from them, your powers are the greatest."

"My powers…" Merlin stopped mid-sentence, unable to comprehend the thing's words. "So what does that mean? Do you want me to, like… start a protest march or something?"

Kilgharrah shook his head, "There will be too much bloodshed of our kind, and we're disappearing as it is. The Great Purge has caused enough carnage for a lifetime. No, we must focus our attentions on the man who can make all this right."

"Uther?" Merlin asked, disbelievingly, "He would never…"

"Uther is too far gone to change. I am talking about Arthur."

Merlin couldn't prevent a snort. "Arthur? He's as bad as his father."

"Do not be fooled by what the prince appears to be," he warned him. "But then again, you know he's more than meets the eye."

Merlin turned away to hide the blush on his cheeks. "What do you want me to do?" he asked, forcefully, "You want me to plead with him? You want me to go up to him and say,  _pretty please make magic legal again?"_

Kilgharrah made a noise that sounded like he was choking. It was only when Merlin turned back around to face him when he realized the creature was laughing. "It is the prince's destiny to bring magic back to Albion, young warlock," he said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Well if it's his  _destiny_ then it's going to happen no matter what I do, right?"

Kildharrah suddenly looked grave. "Unfortunately not. Destinies are tricky things. There are people out there who know what the prince is destined to do and are willing to go out of their way to make sure it doesn't come to fruition."

"I don't understand what  _I_ have to do with any of this!" Merlin insisted furiously.

"It is your duty… your  _destiny_  to be by his side. You were born to serve him and to keep him from harm so that someday, through him, we can once again thrive in Albion."

Merlin tried to make a scornful remark, but was struck dumb by the irony that the boy who had told him he had no purpose in life was actually his life's purpose.

"What if I say no?" Merlin asked indignantly, scowling into the thing's bright eyes.

"None of us can choose our destiny, young warlock," he said, his face betraying no emotion, "and none of us can escape it."

"I don't want to serve Arthur Pendragon. He's… a bully."

Kildharrah smiled, a thin strained smile. "Well perhaps it is your destiny to change that," he said.

And with that, he was gone, leaving a very disoriented Galahad in his place.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Arthur remained in Sorsbrooke for the mid-term break. It would have been easy to go back home - the castle was only a three hour drive away - but he decided that he wanted some time to himself. He did miss his father, but he knew that in another month he'd be back home for the Winter Break and he thought it made more sense to enjoy his time alone while he could.

Percival stayed back with him, of course. Arthur found that he didn't mind it too much. His hulking bodyguard spent as much time reading as he spent in the gym, which gave Arthur a lot more privacy than he had initially expected to have. Given that Arthur wasn't interested in either of the activities (he got enough exercise from football, and he while he enjoyed the concept of books, he didn't actually bother trying to read any of them), it was safe to say that he and Percy didn't have much in common. But they  _did_ have a silent agreement to let each other have as much of their own space as possible, given the circumstances. Occasionally Arthur would join his bodyguard in the living room to watch  _How I Met Your Mother_ or re-read 'The Lionheart' while Percy read some yellowing novel about dictators or horticulture, but the show was on hiatus and he hadn't even been able to look at 'The Lionheart' since the night Emrys stood him up. So instead, when he wasn't out with Elyan and the guys, or wasting time on the internet or -  _god forbid -_ studying, he found himself lounging and listening to music on a wide grassy plot on the edge of campus. A little stream - that had been jokingly named 'The Spritz' by some student with a terrible sense of humour back in the 1900's - ran through it, making it the most beautiful and tranquil place on campus. Arthur had discovered it earlier in the semester, but had avoided it due to it's secluded nature. However, once the mid-term break rolled around, he found himself going there more and more often… usually whenever he found himself frustrated or needing to think. Sometimes even multiple times a day, he would put on a thick jacket and head over to the large ash tree at the edge of the stream. It helped calm him, and oddly enough, it somehow managed to put things in perspective. And with his coronation looming closer, Arthur really needed to put things in perspective.

It was towards the end of the break, at one such introspective session, when Arthur was shaken out of his reverie by a timorous voice.

"It's kind of cold to be sitting out here, isn't it?"

Arthur glanced up, squinting in the sun, and was surprised to see Morgana's roommate hovering above him, a timid expression on her face.

"I like it," he admitted, turning back to the rushing water, "It makes me…uh.."

"Feel alive?" she offered.

He grimaced. "How trite. I was going to say 'glad that we have heated dorms'."

She giggled, and he gestured towards the ground beside him. She sat down hesitantly, a smile so wide plastered on her face that he couldn't help but reciprocate.

"You didn't go back home?" she asked, shyly, "For the break?"

"No." He sighed and then laughed. "This is actually more of a break than going home would be."

"What do you mean?"

"Father insists that I attend court every single day, and then I have lessons on military strategy and… other things. It's just all very exhausting," he admitted.

"He would make you do that even during your break? That's awful!"

"The kingdom doesn't take a break, so how can we?" he asked, a little mournfully.

She nodded sympathetically and seeing the pitying look on her face, Arthur quickly gathered himself.

"So," he said, casually, "how come  _you_  didn't go back home?"

"I'm from Nemeth. It wouldn't really be worth it to go back for just a few days."

Arthur nodded, "Not to mention the price of a train ticket is exorbitant. I was honestly appalled when King Rodor doubled the price of train tickets out of Nemeth… how does he expect poorer people to pay that kind of money?"

Gwen looked impressed. "So you  _are_  aware of things happening in the neighbouring kingdoms."

Arthur shifted in his seat and dropped his gaze, and Gwen began stammering, catching the hurt look that flashed in his eyes.

"No.. I didn't mean it that way… I wasn't trying to insult you!" The look of utter distress on her face would have made him laugh if the past few days hadn't made him feel like a stone that had been kicked to dust by a steel-toed boot. "A friend of mine was saying something about you being nothing more than your title… that you had no substance and that you weren't aware of what was happening in your own kingdom, let alone others. I didn't believe it, though! So when you said that just now, it proved that I was right." She hastily wiped away a thin layer of perspiration from her forehead.

Arthur forced a smile. "It's alright. Don't worry about it."

"I don't know why he hates you so much," Gwen continued, babbling. "He doesn't even know you."

"No matter what you do, there will always be someone who has something negative to say about it," he sighed, brushing hair off his forehead. "You know Guinevere, in life people will say all sorts of awful things about you because they don't understand you or can't relate to you. But the trick is to ignore them." He looked sincerely into her dark brown eyes. "The thing is, deep in my heart I believe I can be a good king to my people. I really do. I don't think I'm there yet, and I don't think I will be there for a long time… but I do believe that I will get there eventually. And then it won't matter what people thought about me at this age. Because what I accomplish when I have the power to accomplish something will speak for itself, right?"

"Yes," she said, breathlessly.

Arthur gave her a small half-smile and she blushed, suddenly very interested in the grass.

"So, what is your first ruling as king going to be?" she asked, pulling a strand of grass from the mud.

Arthur leaned back against the rough bark of the tree. "To hire all the chefs in every  _Angelo's Pizza_ outlet to come work for me."

She laughed. "You'll start a war!"

"But then my  _second_ ruling will be to make chocolate free for the whole of Camelot. Then everyone will love me and I'll be the greatest king who ever lived. And I'll get to eat pizza every single day."

She shook her head, a smile playing on her lips. "What about the people who are making the chocolate? How will they get paid?"

"They won't."

"Then they'll stop making chocolate."

"No, they won't. I'll convince them not to by charming them with my ravishing good looks," he smiled that lopsided grin of his and shook his head reprovingly, "Isn't it obvious?"

She giggled, "You are such a dollophead."

Arthur's smile dropped and Gwen's grin faded into a look of fear and confusion at the abrupt change of expression on his face.

"Sorry," he said, quickly feigning nonchalance again, "what did you call me?"

She let out an awkward chuckle, "A dollophead."

"What's a dollophead?"

She shrugged. "Not sure. I think it's slang of some kind."

"I've never heard it used before."

"I honestly can't remember where I heard it," she said, vaguely. "I think it was in a movie or something."

"Oh."

"Suits you perfectly, though."

He grinned, "I can't imagine why."

 

The sun had already set by the time Arthur returned to his dorm.

He had spent the whole afternoon chatting with Gwen and had come away feeling oddly content. Morgana's roommate was nothing like he had expected - she was extremely adorable and easy to talk to, and they had spent the entire time laughing about something ridiculous or another. He had also learnt a lot about her. He discovered that she was Elyan's sister (which had shocked him, given that Elyan hadn't mentioned having any siblings, let alone ones that went to Sorsbrooke with them) and that she had been in 'Wrap and Roll' the day that idiot had publicly humiliated him. He also discovered that she was best friends with said idiot. Arthur wasn't quite sure what he felt about that, but he was surprised to discover that his first thought upon discovering it was an impulse to ask Gwen to apologize to Merlin on his behalf. The boy had driven him up the wall that night at 'The Bean', irritating him even after he had politely asked him to leave. Yet, Arthur still felt extremely guilty for what he had said to him. There really was no excuse for that kind of behaviour, no matter how infuriating the boy was being. But Arthur didn't say anything about that night to Gwen. He couldn't bring himself to… not when their conversation had so successfully managed to get his mind off Emrys's failure to show up and her subsequent silence.

At one point in their conversation Gwen had also brought up the topic of Morgana, which was a discussion Arthur had been wanting to have but was uncomfortable initiating. After all, Morgana was his best friend and he hardly knew Gwen. But when she asked him if there was something going on with Morgana, it filled him with immense relief that it wasn't just him she was behaving oddly around. They had discussed it, and Gwen suggested that perhaps the stress was getting to her. Apparently Morgana spent all her time studying or in tutorials with Professor Septus. Maybe the workload was too much for her? Arthur wasn't quite sure that was the reason, but there didn't seem to be any other plausible explanation so he accepted it. Quite gladly, actually, since his previous explanation involved her starting to hate him. And that was the second worst explanation for her current behaviour, right after 'having only a few months to live'.

Having gotten so many things off his mind, Arthur returned to his dorm feeling calmer than he had in days. He proceeded to take a long shower, allowing the steam and hot water to wash away all the tormenting thoughts that had plagued him in the last week.

It was when he came out of the shower feeling fresh, a towel around his waist and his hair smelling like lavender, when he noticed that an email from Emrys had arrived just a few seconds prior.

He sat down heavily on his desk chair, a flush of anger overtaking him and ruining his peaceful mood. For a second he just stared at his computer, seriously considering not opening the email at all.

She had hurt him. She had hurt him more than he was willing to admit.

He had spent the entire past week agonizing about that night - dwelling on how she didn't turn up and thinking about how foolish he must have looked when, hours later, he gave up and went to Percival and said, "Let's go back Percy, I don't think she's coming". But the worst part of it all was the fact that she hadn't written to him to explain her absence. She hadn't written to tell him why she had just left him floundering… which led Arthur to believe that she had come, seen him and left.

And that hurt even more.

But the longer Arthur looked at that stupid email sitting in his mailbox, the more he realized that in the end, he was just relieved that she had written back to him after all.

* * *

 

_Dear Ares,_

_I know you must be furious with me right now. I would be too. I can't imagine what you must have been feeling, alone in that stark little café, thinking every person who walked in was me. I can understand if you can't forgive me… I can barely forgive myself._

_I don't want to lie to you, Ares. I haven't up until this point, and I don't want to start. I can't tell you where I was the night we were supposed to meet. But I want you to know that it wasn't because of you. It's me. I am a total turniphead and I made a huge mistake. I feel terrible about what happened, and I want you to know how sorry I am._

_You've told me time and time again how you've grown to believe you can't trust people. I want you to know that you CAN trust me. I promise you… next time we decide to meet, I will face any manner of horrors that I have to and I will be there. Please believe me. It would absolutely kill me inside if I joined the list of people who have convinced you that you can't rely on anyone._

_I hope from the bottom of my heart that you can forgive me, because more than anything in the world, I don't want to lose you as a friend._

_Emrys_

* * *

 

Professor Gale started the lecture with a slideshow as usual. Merlin came late - which was odd for him - and Arthur watched from the corner of his eye as the boy took his usual seat at the other end of the classroom. Arthur had gotten there early, still unable to make up his mind about whether he felt more angry with Merlin or more guilty about the things he'd said to him last week. He had hoped to catch him before class started, in the hopes that seeing him would help him figure out what plan of action he intended to take. But the class was already in full swing when Merlin finally showed up, and seeing him slip silently into the room didn't help Arthur make up his mind at all.

The strong feeling of indecision distracted Arthur and he couldn't help but watch Merlin fidget in his seat in the dark room, the dull blue light from the screen highlighting his sharp cheekbones. There was something oddly beautiful about him, Arthur realized. Something mesmerizing about the way he cocked his head, profoundly interested in the professor's words. Something almost ethereal in the way he didn't even glance down at the notes he was taking, the fingers of his other hand carelessly entangled in his inky hair.

The presentation flicked off, and Arthur recoiled as the lights turned on, momentarily blinding him.

"And  _that_ is what I want to see from your final projects," Professor Gale droned. "Now, I am going to give you all five minutes to find a partner."

The entire class jumped to their feet, and Arthur looked around, disoriented, as a cluster of people enveloped him.

"Arthur! Want to be my partner?" A blonde girl asked, smiling sweetly.

"Hey, back off… we're actually friends." That boy… what was his name… Theon? said, roughly pushing another boy away.

"I have a perfect idea for a book we can work on together."

"I thought the ideas you brought up in class the other day were excellent!"

Someone began clapping loudly and the students fell silent, turning towards the source of the noise. Professor Gale stood before the group, looking extremely unamused. "What is this?" she demanded, "Is this a primary school?" She glared at the blank faces of the students. "Disperse this group please. I will choose Prince Arthur's partner."

Arthur's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to protest but the large woman silenced him with a hand. "I do not want a student to be distracted by being partnered with you," she said, by way of explanation, "And I do not want to put you in a position to choose between your… friends… either."

She glanced around the room and spotted a small group of students on the far side of the classroom who were preoccupied in their own discussion, uninterested in the commotion that was happening. She smiled a toothy grin.

"You there!" She called, and the students turned around. "The boy, come here!"

Merlin gave her a wide-eyed look and pointed to himself, questioningly.

She rolled her eyes. "Are there any other boys on that side of the room?"

He flushed slightly, and slowly - reluctantly - made his way through the seats to Arthur's side of the classroom. Arthur felt panic begin to rise in his chest.

"Yes, professor?" Merlin asked.

"I want you to be partners with Prince Arthur."

Merlin froze. "I… No, I can't. I already have a partner," he stammered, a hint of desperation in his voice.

"Your partner can find someone else. I want the two of you to be partners."

"Really now, professor." Arthur said, quickly, "If he doesn't want to…"

"Nonsense," Professor Gale gave Merlin a hard look, "You will be just fine partnering with Arthur,  _won't you_?"

Merlin nodded stiffly. "Of course, professor."

"Wonderful. Now, settle down in your places and start discussing which book you would like to do your final project on."

The crowd around Arthur scattered dejectedly and Arthur heard some girls muttering angrily about how unfair it was that Arthur's partner was someone who didn't want to work with him. Merlin ignored the comments and flopped into the seat beside Arthur, avoiding his gaze.

"Alright then," he mumbled, "let's do this."

"I don't actually know what we're supposed to do," Arthur admitted, "I wasn't listening."

"Shocker." Merlin muttered, echoing Arthur's words from the night they last spoke. But he opened his notebook and read out the instructions in an exaggerated drawl. "First, we have to pick a book that we both want to analyze. Then we discuss the overarching themes, the plot, the characters and their importance in the plot… blah blah… all that stuff. Then, we pick a chapter and together we have to analyze it in relation to the rest of the book. We have to explain why we picked it, why we felt it was the most important chapter, etc. Then we write individual papers and submit them by the last class of the term." He looked at Arthur as if defying him to question his words, "Got it?"

Arthur felt a flicker of annoyance at his contemptuous tone. "Alright. What book do you want to do?"

"I was thinking 'The Remains of the Day'. It's mostly internal monologue of the butler of a large estate during the interwar years, the second world war and it's aftermath. It's beautiful because there's this…"

"Ew. Boring. I almost fell asleep just listening to you talking about it."

The tips of Merlin's ears flushed red and Arthur had to keep from smirking.

"If I wanted to know about butlers I would watch Downton Abbey," Arthur continued, haughtily, "But I don't. Because they're boring."

"Too used to seeing them around your house?" Merlin asked, his words icy and tight.

Arthur scowled, "I don't have any butlers."

"What a pity. They're the ones that usually commit murders in the house… if detective novels are anything to go by."

Arthur gave him a dirty look. "Whatever that means. The _point_  is,  _Mer_ lin, that your idea for the book to analyze is terrible." He crossed his arms, and sat back in his chair defiantly. He didn't know what it was about Merlin, but he seemed to get under his skin in a way no one else could… which was extremely disconcerting for him, since he'd been taught to try and remain as unaffected by people as possible.

"Why are you even here?" Merlin growled. "It's not like you're trying to get a job in the future."

"Well, I don't know about  _you,_ but I certainly wouldn't like to be ruled by a stupid king."

"I think I'm going to be ruled by one regardless of whether or not you take this class." Merlin muttered.

Arthur's mouth fell open. "Are you calling my father stupid?"

"No I'm calling  _you_ stupid, you cabbagehead."

Arthur pursed his lips, silently fuming. "Oh, so I'm stupid just because I don't want to analyze some tedious book about a man who dresses like a penguin for a living?"

Merlin narrowed his eyes at him, "Why are you doing this?" he asked, and Arthur scoffed. He was about to voice a retort when Merlin blurted out, "You're not really like this"

"What?" Arthur asked, taken off-guard.

"You heard me. Are you disagreeing with my choice of book just to try my patience?"

"No, I'm disagreeing because it's a terrible choice of book," Arthur spat, suddenly uneasy. Merlin was right, of course, Arthur  _was_  just trying to irritate him. He didn't actually think historical fiction was boring. In fact, he had secretly watched all the seasons of Downton Abbey that were out and was eagerly awaiting the next one. But he hadn't told anyone about that… the guys on the football team would tease him mercilessly if they knew how ardently he was hoping for Bates and Anna to work things out. "And you don't know the first thing about me." He added as a forceful afterthought.

"Maybe I know more about you than you think."

"What's  _that_ supposed to mean?"

For a second, none of them said anything. Arthur's thoughts were roaring so loudly they enveloped the buzz of the other students conversing with their partners. What the hell was he on about? He stared pointedly at Merlin, who was frowning at his shoes, and waited for him to explain his ridiculous statement. Eventually Merlin took a deep breath, trying to dissipate his fury. "Nothing. It means nothing," he said, curtly, picking up a pen and beginning to doodle little figurines in his notebook. "Let's just get back to the project, alright? Do you have any ideas for books?"

"How about…"

"No."

Arthur glared at him, "You didn't let me finish."

Merlin didn't look up from his sketch. "I could sense it was going to be a stupid idea, so I saved you the trouble of embarrassing yourself."

Arthur gritted his teeth, "Why do you have it out for me?" he demanded, "Why have you made it your life's mission to aggravate me?"

Merlin looked up, his cerulean eyes burning into Arthur's with an intensity Arthur was surprised to see in such a slight creature.

" _I_ have it out for  _you?_ Please! You have just been awful to me since the day we…"

" _Me?_ You're the one who came up to me and began insulting me!"

"Well, what about last friday?" Merlin demanded, "I was being extremely friendly and you treated me like I was a fly that wouldn't leave you alone!"

His normally pale face was red and his fingers gripped the pen in his hand so fiercely Arthur was sure it was going to break.

"You're right," he said, softly.

Merlin's angry expression melted into one of confusion. "Huh?"

"I said, you're right." Arthur repeated, rigidly, "I was wrong for saying all those things to you. I'm really sorry."

Merlin's eyes widened in bewilderment, and Arthur almost laughed.

"Oh," Merlin said, flustered, "Yeah… thanks.. I accept your apology. And uh… I'm sorry too. For, uh… humiliating you in front of so many people… the first time we met."

"And for calling me arrogant?"

Merlin gave him a skeptical look, and Arthur let out a dry laugh. "Yeah, alright." He agreed.

"So," Merlin mumbled, opening a fresh page in his notebook, "What book were you going to suggest we do?"

"There's a book called 'Quantum Event' by Red Collins. I haven't read it, but I was told it was really good. They have really great themes and stuff… I thought it would be easy to pick apart or whatever."

Merlin eyes were unreadable as they searched Arthur's. "Yeah," he said, slowly, "I've read it. You're right. It's a really good book… and it would be interesting to dissect."

"Alright, it's settled then, yes?" Arthur asked, pulling out a pen from his pocket.

"Yeah, that works." Merlin scribbled a few words into his notebook. "You  _do_  realize you're actually going to have to read the book now, right?"

Arthur grimaced, "Oh right. Actually, I have another idea for a book."

Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"Green Eggs and Ham," Arthur said, "it's brilliant. It's mostly internal monologue of a man who is against breaking out of social norms and eating discoloured food in odd locations."

There was a moment of silence. Arthur waited to see an eye roll, but instead Merlin broke out into a grin, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"You're an idiot," he laughed.

Unexpectedly, Arthur's stomach did a little flutter.

Must have been something he ate.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

_Dear Ares,_

_You can not imagine how relieved I was to get your email. I breathed out so loudly, my friend (who was sitting next to me in the library while I was reading your email) practically fell off his chair. Honestly, I half-expected you to not reply at all. But I'm so glad you did, Ares. I'm so sorry._

_I really do care about you, you know? I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if my stupid mistake had ended our friendship. Your letters really are the highlight of my week._

_This could be kind of nice though, right? I mean, now that we know we go to the same school, I can get your opinions on a range of things I didn't know I could get your opinion on before. Like, what do you think of the food in Stevens? And are you taking any Art History classes? And what's your opinion on that dollophead Arthur Pendragon?_

_Best,_

_Emrys_

* * *

Maybe Kilgharrah was right.

Maybe there  _was_  something incomprehensible that was linking Merlin's life to Arthur's. What else could explain the uncanny way they were constantly crossing paths? The fact that they had found each other over the internet and then proceeded to - not only - go to the same university, but also be coerced into partnering with each other for their novel-analysis final was more than just coincidence. However, Merlin was still unsure about what the… oracle thing… had meant by having to 'protect' Arthur. How was he supposed to protect him when he couldn't use his magic around him? And from what? But after being paired with Arthur for the project Merlin realized that there might have been some truth in the oracle's words. Even after just one day of working with Arthur, Merlin was starting to see Ares in him… in his sense of humour, in the way he told stories… but there was still a lot of the prince in him too, and Merlin would be lying if he said that after settling their differences, they had gotten along famously. Quite the opposite. They had spent the rest of the lesson bickering about which overarching theme was most important.

"It's fascinating! Do you know how many books have talked about that concept?" Merlin demanded, "A lot! Because people are intrigued by it!"

"That's exactly my point! There are enough books about that… I don't remember reading any books about people using beauty to garner respect."

"That's because you don't read." Arthur shot Merlin a glare, and Merlin had to keep from grinning. "… and also because it's a boring concept that people learn about every day when they read the celebrity gossip section in the newspaper."

"Jesus Christ, Merlin!" Arthur said, covering his face with his hands, "You are the most stubborn person I have ever met!"

"You haven't even read the book, you… you clotpole."

Arthur had then peeked out at him from between his fingers. "What's with you and Guinevere and making up nicknames?" he asked, his voice muffled.

"What?" Merlin asked, confused.

"Guinevere. She's your best friend, right?"

"One of them, yeah. I didn't know you knew her."

"She's Morgana's roommate."

"Oh, right…" Merlin scratched his head, awkwardly. "I've never heard her make up nicknames."

Arthur dropped his hands from his face and shrugged.

"Well, you're still wrong." Merlin insisted, ignoring the intervention, "The concept of uniting people against a common enemy is far more compelling than the idea of using beauty to get respect!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is! You're the prince, you should know."

"I do know. I'm attractive, people respect me and it's an intriguing concept."

Merlin growled, but refrained from bringing up Uther Pendragon's methods of uniting the non-magic folk by turning them against sorcery.

However, despite the argument which ended only when the class did, Merlin had left the lecture knowing that he and Arthur were no longer at war. An unspoken truce had formed between them, and Merlin hoped it would last. After all, they were going to meet on Monday to continue working on their project.

* * *

Merlin and Gwaine were in the middle of a heated 'iPhone vs. Android' argument when they were joined by Gwen and Lancelot. Gwaine had just slammed the table, sending the salt shaker flying onto the ground. Merlin had proceeded to burst out laughing and Gwen had panicked, telling Gwaine to throw the salt over his shoulder if he wanted to avoid bad luck. Gwaine had complied, laughingly, and then they all settled down to eat the rest of their meals.

"Did Gwaine tell you?" Lance asked Merlin, tucking into his lasagne.

"Tell me what?" Merlin asked, looking from Lance to Gwaine, "Did you finally get the Guinness World Record for hungriest person alive?"

Gwaine made a face, "Not yet. Those bastards."

Merlin grinned, "Alright, so what's the news?"

"Gwaine agreed to try out for the football team!" Lance said, grinning. "He's trying out tomorrow, and if he gets in he might be able to play in the big game that's coming up!"

Gwen laughed, "That's not good news for Merlin… now  _two_ of you will be talking about Arthur and the boys. He's going to hate it."

Merlin shrugged and Gwaine raised an eyebrow. "Actually," Merlin said, trying to sound indifferent, "Arthur and I sort of… worked things out."

"Really?" Gwen asked, shocked. "How did that happen?"

"We were paired up in novel-analysis class," Merlin said, hastily, "We had to make peace, otherwise we would have never gotten any work done."

"You know you guys can just… work on your papers separately right?" Lance asked, "I mean, your marks depend on the end result, not the discussion. You could just do your own research and write your own…"

"Stop it, Lance," Gwen shushed him. She turned and beamed at Merlin. "I'm so happy!" she squealed. "This is great news!"

Merlin laughed, a little awkwardly. "And why is that?"

"Oh, well actually," Gwen blushed a little, "Arthur and I are friends now too…"

Gwaine snickered. "Arthur's just going around making friends now, is he? Why? Did he re-watch his old Barney tapes and learn the true meaning of friendship?"

"Shut up, Gwaine," Lancelot said, shoving him playfully. "Since when?" he asked Gwen.

"Well, I bumped into him by 'The Spritz' a few days ago…"

"Bumping into someone doesn't mean that…"

"Let me finish! He invited me to the football match next weekend." Gwen said, glowingly. "And he asked if I wanted to have lunch with him after."

There was a split second of awkward silence before Gwaine slapped her on the back.

"Good on you, Gwen," he said, grinning. "So when you said you and Arthur were friends, you meant that you were  _friends."_ Gwaine said the last word suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

She giggled and Merlin inexplicably found himself very interested in a poster for Salsa dancing classes that had been stuck on the pillar next to them, as he tried to ignore the way his stomach was churning.

"That is great news!" Lancelot agreed, "And once you and Arthur start dating maybe you can ask him to set me up with Morgana?"

Gwen rolled her eyes and Lance grinned. "I'm just joking," he said, pushing her shoulder playfully. She cracked a smile and he shook his head, "I had no idea you liked him."

"Yeah, I've sort of… had a crush on him for a while now." She admitted, shyly.

"Why didn't you say anything before?" Merlin asked. He tried to sound teasing but his words were coming out a little forcefully.

"Lance and him are friends… it would have been weird to mention it." She said bashfully before frowning at Merlin. "And you've done nothing but talk badly of him! How could I say anything?"

"But…still. I'm your friend." Merlin said, tugging at his collar, "If I had known about your feelings I might have made peace with him sooner."

His stomach was suddenly feeling very tight. He picked at the uneaten chips on his plate, carefully avoiding Gwaine's gaze.

So Gwen was going out with Arthur. On a date. That was good news.

"He mentioned you, you know," he said, forcing himself to meet Gwen's eye, "In class."

"Really?" she asked, excitedly, "What did he say?"

"He mentioned that you were good at making up nicknames or something?"

Gwen frowned.

"You're the one who keeps making up words." Lancelot said nodding at Merlin. Merlin shrugged and took a sip of his coke.

"I don't know. That's what he said."

"I am glad you two are friends now, Merlin," Gwen said, earnestly, "In case things get… you know,  _serious…_ I didn't want to have to choose between spending time with him and spending time with you guys."

"I would have put up with him if it made you happy," he said, smiling weakly. "I really am glad for you, Gwen."

He did mean that.

They dropped the topic of Gwen and Arthur's date after that, which relieved Merlin, even though not talking about it didn't prevent it from infesting his thoughts. Gwen was going out with Ares.  _His_ Ares. But it was Arthur. He didn't want to go out with Arthur… but Arthur was Ares, and Ares was  _his._ And he had been _only_ his for months. But now Gwen was taking him away. The idea made Merlin nauseous.

"Are you alright?" Gwaine asked him, when they were walking back towards their dorm.

"What do you mean?" he asked, even though he knew perfectly well what Gwaine meant.

"About Gwen… and Arthur."

"Of course," Merlin said, faking a smile, "Why wouldn't I be? It's not like Arthur and I are… anything. We're not even friends."

"But he  _is_ Ares… and… I mean, you're really fond of Ares."

Merlin made a noncommittal gesture. "It's fine. I've been disillusioned with him since I found out he was Arthur."

Gwaine grinned. "It's probably for the better. Arthur is kind of an arse, isn't he?"

Merlin nodded, "Yeah… I don't know what Gwen sees in him."

* * *

_Dear Emrys,_

_Once, when I was about five years old, I was playing with this kid who grabbed one of my toys - I believe it was a batman figurine and it was super cool - and refused to give it back. But when I went crying to my father, instead of comforting me, he very gruffly sat me down and said "In every situation, you have two choices. Either, you can let them affect you and you can cry and scream about it, or you can realize that crying and screaming won't make a difference. Think about it this way, he's probably stealing your toy because he WANTS to see you cry. If you act like you don't care, he'll get bored and give it back to you." Obviously those weren't his exact words… I was five, I don't remember that much detail… but that was the gist of what he said, and oddly enough, that's exactly what happened. I walked back in that room and ignored the kid for the rest of the day. And eventually he got bored and left my toy on the ground. So, ever since then I've grown up believing that showing people how you truly feel is a sign of weakness._

_Now, however, I've come to realize that I no longer have a choice. Even if I want to, I find myself completely incapable of letting people know how I really feel. I physically can't. My whole body just seems to reject emotion. Whenever I have to tell someone that I care about them, or that I missed them, or even if it's telling them that they hurt me, I can't do it. Instead I stutter and I tease and I act like I don't care. Because I hate feeling vulnerable. To open myself up just seems like an invitation to get hurt, you know?_

_Remember that friend I was telling you about? The one who I've known since I was a kid? My best friend who lives far away? Well, she's been acting very strange lately, and I don't know why. I keep trying to tell myself that it's just something she's dealing with, and that it doesn't concern me, but honestly, I'm a little scared that she hates me. I know that's stupid, because I haven't done anything to her… but I just can't shake the feeling. The way she looks at me now, the way her smile never reaches her eyes… there's something venomous there. She's not the same person. I keep trying to talk to her, but she keeps pushing me away and I just can't find the words. I know I should just sit her down and ask her point-blank what's been happening, but I just can't. Emotions tend to overwhelm me, and I'm worried if I try and talk to her I'll just end up saying something to offend her. Ugh, I need help. What would you do if you were in such a situation?_

_I'm being boring, I know. I'm sorry. I'll stop._

_Arthur Pendragon? Uh… I don't quite have an opinion on him. I've seen him around campus, but I haven't really spoken to him or anything. He just seems… lost, in my opinion. I don't know._

_Well, apart from this whole thing with my friend, things are actually starting to go smoothly. Apart from making up with you, I've also started managing my time better, which is good. I've also been making new friends and I even worked things out with that annoying guy who was bothering me. He's actually not as awful as I thought he was, surprisingly. What about you? Wasn't there some asshole who was irritating you in the beginning of the term? You haven't said anything about him in a while. Has it blown over or is he still being an ass?_

_Cheers,_

_Ares_

* * *

"And…" Arthur stuck his tongue out, in a cartoonish expression of thinking, "…he has hubris?"

"What?" Merlin laughed. "How does he have hubris? Do you even know what that means?"

Arthur shrugged, "Some sort of toe fungus?"

Merlin shook his head, reproachfully. "You're an idiot. Did you even read the book?"

"Yes!" Arthur insisted. "I swear. I almost just read the cliffsnotes, but I decided to be a good student and actually read the whole thing."

Merlin looked at him skeptically and Arthur let out an irritated sigh. "Ok, I read half."

"Right."

Arthur frowned, looking more and more like a petulant four-year-old. "I did!"

"I believe you," Merlin said, passively.

There was a moment of silence before Arthur muttered, "Fine, I read the first four chapters, and then I read the cliffsnotes ok?"

Merlin grinned, "Now that sounds about right."

Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin laughed. "Can we take a break?" Arthur whined, throwing his book on the floor of the library, "My brain can't deal with this anymore."

"We've barely done anything."

"We've done enough," Arthur huffed. He leaned back in his chair, but kept his eyes trained on Merlin. Merlin quickly averted his gaze, feeling an odd twinge in the pit of his stomach.

"Alright, let's just discuss it conversationally," Merlin suggested, "What do you think of Darius?"

"He's an idiot," Arthur said, lazily. "He's so scared of insanity that he drives himself insane." He half-smirked, "That's sort of funny if you think about it though."

"I think it's terrifying," Merlin admitted, "To fear something so much that you bring it upon yourself? How does that not freak you out?"

"My biggest fear is forgetting," Arthur said, surprising Merlin with his candidness. "Of forgetting things.. people… places." He looked into his lap. "But it's not like I can be inflicted by memory loss just by being intensely afraid that it's going to happen. Actually, the more I obsess about something the better I remember it… so obsessing over my fear is not going to make any difference."

Merlin knew this, of course. He had known what Arthur's greatest fear was before he'd even met Arthur, yet there was something extremely touching about hearing him say it in person. To hear him shyly voice Ares's deep feelings in that cultivated accent of his. The nervous way his hands fidgeted, the way he rocked his chair slightly…

Arthur flicked his eyes up and they met Merlin's, making his stomach flip. "What about you?"

"Huh?"

"What's your greatest fear?"

This was not good.

"Uh," Merlin ran his fingers anxiously though his hair. Arthur already knew what his greatest fear was… if he said the same thing 'Emrys' had told him in their emails, he might start to suspect something.

"I don't want to say." Merlin said, quickly.

Arthur widened his eyes. "I told you mine."

"Mine is embarrassing."

"Oh come on." Arthur said, nudging his shoe with his own. "I promise I won't judge you any more than I already do."

Merlin looked down at the carpeted floor, trying to hide a smile. He racked his brain, but got more and more desperate as he found himself unable think of anything, until finally he remembered Gwaine freaking out while watching  _The Walking Dead_  a few nights before.

"Zombies," he said, quickly. "They're creepy."

Arthur looked at him, disbelievingly. " _Zombies_?"

"You promised you wouldn't judge me!"

"I don't. I just…." Arthur was frowning with amused confusion. "Why zombies?"

"They have scary faces."

A hint of a smile played on Arthur's lips. "That's your  _greatest_ fear?"

"They're dead people that eat human brains,  _Arthur_ ," Merlin said, trying to sound snarky. "It's terrifying."

It was obvious that Arthur was trying his hardest to hold back a laugh. "Merlin, you know zombies aren't real right?"

Merlin faltered, at a complete loss for words. Of all the thing he could have possibly said, he said  _zombies._ That was literally the stupidest fear anyone could ever have. He certainly had a gift for saying the most idiotic things around Arthur.

"Not yet," he retorted, lamely.

Arthur laughed and Merlin stared back at him seriously.

"You are so unpredictable." Arthur said, shaking his head.

"Is that a good thing?"

"It's not a bad thing."

"Does that mean you just complimented me?"

The prince made a face. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves." He bent down to pick up the book he'd thrown on the floor. "Alright, let's continue… I have go for football practice soon."

"Oh yeah," Merlin said, casually flipping the pages in his book, "You guys have a match this weekend, don't you?"

"Yeah," Arthur said, unenthusiastically, "this saturday." He licked his lips thoughtfully, and Merlin pretended to be reading, trying not to let the sight of Arthur's tongue carelessly trailing his lips distract him. "Why don't you come?"

"Huh?" Merlin looked up from his book, surprised. "I mean," Arthur grinned sheepishly, "it's not like you need an invitation from me to come, it's a university game. But it seems like it will be a good match. So it might be worth it to come."

Arthur was inviting  _him_  to the game as well? Did that mean what he had with Gwen wasn't a date after all?

But no, he had invited Gwen to lunch after. That was the date bit, wasn't it? But if he went to the game and sat with Gwen, would Arthur invite him to lunch too? How was the game even supposed to be a date? Half the student body was going to be there. Maybe Arthur was just being friendly…

Arthur was looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer, but his dizzying blue eyes were making it a little hard to think.

"Merlin?"

"My friend Will's dad always said that watching football was like watching a bunch of headless chickens running around on a field," Merlin blurted suddenly.

Arthur frowned, "There's a little more to it than that."

"It does sort of look like it." Merlin continued innocuously, unable to stop, "What's the point? You're just chasing a ball and kicking it in a net."

Arthur looked a little affronted. "It's about agility, co-ordination, the ability to think on your feet…"

"And being able to kick things into nets."

Merlin mentally berated himself to shut up. What was the matter with him? What was it about Arthur that made him act like such an idiot? First in the cafe he had rattled on about lionesses, then he said his greatest fear was zombies and now he was talking about headless chickens. He would be surprised if Arthur  _didn't_ think he was bat-shit insane.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "You don't have to come if you don't want to," he muttered.

Merlin felt a wave of panic run through him. "Have you ever seen a headless chicken run around?" He asked quickly, "It's awesome. I'll definitely be there."

Arthur was watching him curiously. "I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted at that." he said, sighing, "You're a riddle, Merlin."

"A riddle?"

"I just can't seem to figure you out."


	17. Chapter Seventeen

"Arthur!" Merlin slipped into the seat next to Arthur on Friday morning, receiving a round of death glares from some of the girls in his class. He ignored them, looking eagerly at the distracted prince. "I figured out the perfect chapter we can use."

"I'm not the in the mood to study today, Merlin," he drawled, not looking at him. "My mind is preoccupied with other matters."

Merlin frowned. "What other matters?"

Arthur turned to him, his nose in the air. "I can't tell you. It's a secret," he sniffed. He leaned back in his chair, propping his legs up on the seat in front of him.

Merlin gave him a bemused look. "Alright," he said slowly, pulling his books out of his bag, "But we have a lecture right now, and she's given us the class time to work on our projects, and you can't leave. So if it's alright with you… _my lord,_ maybe we can just work on our paper like we're supposed to."

"I can't Merlin," he wailed. "My mind has no place for other things today."

"Alright, what is wrong with you?" Merlin demanded, slamming his book shut. "You're acting like a child."

"I'm not a child," Arthur insisted. "I am a grown man. A grown man with overpowering feelings."

Merlin turned and looked helplessly around at the other students, who were preoccupied in their study groups. Was no one else seeing how strangely Arthur was acting?

"Arthur," he said, slowly, turning back to the prince, "what in god's name are you talking about?"

"There is a girl." He looked eagerly at Merlin, those azure eyes wide and expressive. "I'm in love."

Merlin felt like his internal organs had all collapsed into mush. All he could manage was a small "Oh."

That's why he was acting so bizarre. He was in love.

With Gwen.

It had to be Gwen. Who else could it be? They were going on a date tomorrow. They must have… met up at that spot by that river thing that Gwen said they hung out at. They must have chatted and laughed, and it must have hit Arthur how wonderful she was. He must have seen the sunlight in her hair and the reflection of the water in her eyes, and he must have realized he was in love with her.

"She's gorgeous," Arthur was saying, dreamily. "I can't believe I never saw it before."

"Well, it's not like you've known her very long," Merlin mumbled.

"What do you mean?" Arthur asked, affronted. "I've known her my whole life."

Merlin frowned, suddenly perplexed. Was Arthur just being a romantic, doing the whole 'I feel like I've known her my whole life, we were lovers in a previous lifetime' bit? Because he wasn't making a whole lot of sense. Granted, Merlin didn't know Arthur much outside of the cyber world, but he had never seen the prince act like this. Something just didn't feel right.

"You mean, it  _feels_ like you've known her your whole life?"

Arthur glared at him, "What do you mean  _feels?_ We've been friends since we were children!"

"Arthur…" Merlin was starting to get slightly concerned. "Who are you talking about?"

"Morgana, of course." Arthur giggled, swaying slightly in his chair. "Promise not to tell anyone? She can't know about this."

He looked like he was drunk; his grin was far too elated for someone sitting in a novel-analysis lecture on a Friday morning. Something was  _definitely_ wrong.

"Isn't she your cousin?"

"Barely," Arthur said, grimacing. "We don't even know how we're related, really. We just  _say_ we're cousins."

"But…" Merlin was struggling to find the right words. "You've never shown any interest for her before…"

"Well, you  _clearly_ don't know me very well, do you  _Mer_ lin?" Arthur spat, "Morgana is the love of my life. I would do anything for her." He huffed. "Now shut up!" he instructed, "I have a love note to compose."

Merlin watched, dismayed, as Arthur ripped a sheet of paper from his notebook and began jotting words down, pausing occasionally to mumble under his breath before continuing.

Maybe Merlin was overreacting… after all, he wasn't completely unbiased in the matter. He couldn't imagine a single situation where he would have been thrilled to discover that Arthur had feelings for someone else. At least, not while he was still so incapable of shaking the feelings he had developed for Ares. But it was still a fact that in both, his letters and his behaviour, Arthur had never shown anything but platonic affection for Morgana. So, even from an objective standpoint - which Merlin's wasn't - the prince's new found affections seemed to come out of the blue. Plus, even if he  _was_  really in love with Morgana, why was he behaving so odd? Granted, Merlin had never been in love, but surely even when inflicted with it, a person could control their emotions enough to act normally in class?

Merlin spent half the lecture attempting to get Arthur to talk to him or work on their essay, but the prince adamantly refused to be disturbed from his love letter composition. So when he realized he wasn't going to get the prince to budge, Merlin focused all his attention on trying to see what he was writing instead. After he managed to sneak a peek at it, he spent the rest of the class trying not to think about it, lest he burst out into laughter. He had already been admonished by Professor Gale after he saw the line ' _Morgana, Morgana. You're like a pirahna. One that took a bite from my heart'_ and snorted so loudly that he had disturbed all the groups that were working around them.

He really couldn't help it, the poem was absolutely appalling. With the amount of attention Arthur was putting into it, he expected something a little better than

' _Morgana, my love. You are the hand to my glove._

_I mean that we fit. Not that I'm made of leather.'_

Clearly Arthur wasn't much of a poet.

But while his attempts at poetry would make a Vogon cry, it wasn't the real problem. Merlin was now positive something was going on with Arthur. He seemed all consumed by his feelings, unable to talk about anything else. And if there was one thing Merlin knew for sure about the prince, it was that off-email he had extreme difficulty expressing himself. So there was definitely something bizarre about him being so frank and open about his emotions.

It didn't take Merlin very long to figure out that the cause of his behaviour could very likely be sorcery. Though why someone would want Arthur to fall in love with Morgana was another question.

"Arthur," Merlin said cautiously as the lecture drew to an end, "I have a friend I want you to meet. If you're not busy now…"

"I'm always busy." Arthur snapped. "I don't have time to accompany you on your playdates."

Merlin exhaled exasperatedly. "Honestly, I would just need five minutes of your time."

"No."

"Arthur, you are going to come with me if I have to drag you by your pretty little toes."

Arthur glared at him. "Did you just give me an order?"

"Yes."

" _I'm_ the prince."

"Yes, you've made that  _very_ clear over the course of our acquaintance." Merlin sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not coming with you." Arthur said, with an air of finality. He bent over to shove his books in his bag and Merlin had to remind himself not to stare at the extremely nice royal backside.

There really was only one thing he could do.

"I'm taking you to meet Morgana."

"What?" Arthur perked up, dropping the book that was in his hand. "Why didn't you say so before?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

Arthur grinned excitedly and reached out a hand to ruffle Merlin's hair, but Merlin ducked, confused at the odd gesture. "You're such a good friend, Merlin." Arthur said, beaming.

"I try." He replied, putting on a smile dripping with fake sweetness.

He waited until Arthur finished packing and then led him wordlessly down the corridor, stopping before Gaius's office.

"She's in here." Merlin whispered to the prince. "I'm going to go inside and announce your arrival. Wait out here."

Arthur nodded enthusiastically and Merlin rolled his eyes again before slipping in the room. Gaius was reading a book on his desk. He started as the door clicked behind Merlin, looking completely disoriented.

"Merlin!" He said, quickly glancing at the calendar on the wall. "We don't have a lesson right now, do we?"

"No." Merlin looked around the room hastily, as if afraid someone might be watching. "But I need your help, professor."

"What is it, boy?" Gaius sat up straight, a look of concern overtaking his features. "Are you alright?"

"Yes I'm fine. It's…" Merlin coughed, awkwardly. "It's Arthur."

Gaius raised an eyebrow. "What about him?"

"I… I think he's enchanted."

"And why would you think that?"

"He's behaving really odd… I've brought him. Just… just talk to him, you'll see what I mean."

Gaius nodded uncertainly and Merlin walked over to the door and peeked out into the hallway.

"Alright Arthur, you can come in." He called out.

Arthur bounded into the room, almost knocking Merlin over in the process. Standing in the center of the stuffy office, he glanced around, seeming more and more confused by the minute. Merlin noted with amusement that in his enchanted state, Arthur almost resembled a giant golden retriever.

"Where is she?" Arthur demanded.

A giant  _aggressive_  golden retriever.

"Who?" Gaius asked.

"Morgana!" Arthur said, angrily. He turned to Merlin, glaring at him. "You said she'd be here. Where is she?"

"Uhmm. I sort of lied." Merlin said, and winced when the prince stamped his foot loudly against the wooden floor.

"You have just wasted ten minutes of my time!" He roared.

"We were hardly here for…"

"I don't have to take another second of this nonsense." He stuck a finger in Merlin's face, threateningly. "If you ever waste my time again I will throw you into prison."

Merlin couldn't stop a small laugh from emerging as a fuming Arthur stormed out of the room. As the door slammed shut, he turned to Gaius questioningly.

"Well? He's enchanted isn't he? He's an arrogant ass but he's not like that." Merlin said, gesturing towards the door with his thumb.

Gaius shook his head, worriedly. "I dare say he is." He scuttled over to his desk, wringing his hands. "We must keep this between us Merlin. If Uther were to find out that someone enchanted his son we would all have hell to pay."

"People will figure it out themselves if he keeps behaving like that!" Merlin exclaimed. "He's playing in a match tomorrow. A _lot_  of people are going to be there. If he makes a fool of himself there, the whole university will know in seconds."

Gaius sighed. "Well, we have to do something about it then."

"What can  _we_ do?"

Gaius sunk into the chair behind his desk and stared out the window for a few seconds.

"I want you to go to his room." He said, finally.

Out of all the things his professor could have said, that was probably the last thing Merlin expected. "What? How would that help?"

"If there is a lock of hair under his pillow it is proof that Arthur has an love spell put upon him."

"I'm fairly positive Arthur has a love spell on him, Gaius." Merlin attested, "I don't think we should be worrying…"

"If the spell involves a lock of hair," Gaius said, cutting him off, "then the remedy is far different from the remedy of a love spell that involves, say, a potion that has to be ingested or that of a love spell caused by objects that have to be worn on the body to work, such as rings or pendants."

"So you want me to go to his room and start rooting through his bed?" Merlin asked, doubtfully.

"The two of you are friends, aren't you?" Gaius asked, waving it off. "I'm sure you'll find a way. This really is of utmost importance Merlin, we don't want the prince to get in any kind of trouble."

"I thought I was supposed to protect him, not babysit him." Merlin muttered under his breath as he left the room.

* * *

Merlin knocked on the door just as another bout of worry that Arthur might not be there overtook him. He had called Gwen earlier, and she said that Arthur had come by a few hours prior and that he and Morgana had proceeded to have a long whispered conversation that looked very serious. She hadn't been able to hear what they were talking about, she admitted, they were too soft. She had then gone for dinner and returned to find Morgana alone. On Merlin's behest, she asked her roommate where Arthur was, to which Morgana just shrugged and said "Probably his room". So Merlin found himself in the hallway of the two-storey house which contained the four large suites reserved for the children of wealthy families.

The door finally opened and Merlin was thrown into speechlessness as those intoxicating blue eyes stared drowsily back at him. Arthur was wearing a plain gray t-shirt and pajamas, but for some reason he had never looked so attractive.

"Yes?" He asked, his voice husky.

"Could I talk to you?"

Arthur frowned, pouting his lips slightly as if doubting Merlin's intentions.

"Have you come to apologize?"

Merlin stopped himself from rolling his eyes. "Yes."

Arthur nodded sleepily and stepped to the side, letting Merlin enter the living area of the large suite. It was warm and bright, with paintings on the walls and decorative lamps on each table. To Merlin, it looked more like a hotel room than a university dorm room. He stared at the thick curtains and the plush chairs, avoiding the gaze of Arthur's bodyguard who was sitting on the sofa, looking incredibly concerned.

"I'm going to my room, Percy." Arthur said, yawning.

The man nodded silently, but kept his eyes trained on the two of them as they disappeared into Arthur's bedroom.

The first thing that hit Merlin about the room was that it smelled like Arthur. Like soap and orange juice and grass, mixed with coffee and faint wisps of deodorant. He inhaled the scent as Arthur flopped down into his bed and looked at him expectantly. "Go ahead."

Merlin glanced around the room, noticing scattered clothes and dirty mugs and un-filed papers. "I'm sorry. I was wrong for… um… lying to you," he said, unconvincingly.

Arthur smiled sadly. "I just wanted to see Morgana."

"I know, and I took advantage of that and tricked you." Merlin tugged at the sleeves of his shirt. "Sorry."

"It's alright. I forgive you." Arthur patted the spot next to him and Merlin sat down on the blue bedspread, surprised he got off so easily. He was expecting Arthur to ask him why he'd done it, to which Merlin had concocted a ridiculous story involving a surprise party for Gaius. He was glad he didn't have to tell it after all.

"I'm actually glad you're here, Merlin," Arthur said. "I need to talk to someone, but Morgana made me promise I wouldn't say anything about it to Percival. Actually she said 'don't tell anyone', but I trust you. I can tell you, right?"

"Tell me what?" Merlin asked, his brow wrinkling. "What's wrong?"

Arthur sighed and leaned back on the pillows. "I love her, you know?" he said, and Merlin once again struggled to ignore the sharp pangs of jealousy that seized him.

"Yes, you've mentioned," he said, somewhat brusquely.

"But she's so hard to impress." Arthur shook his head. "She refuses to be with me until after the Winter Break."

"She… said she'd go out with you?" Merlin stammered, trying to seem nonchalant and failing miserably.

"Yes." Arthur lay back on the pillows, staring dreamily up at the ceiling. "But it's such a long time away."

"It is." Merlin said, nodding a little too profusely. "That's too long. Why can't you just date now?"

Arthur waved his hand as if lazily conducting an orchestra. "She wants me to do something for her during the break. If I do it, she said she'll be mine."

The jealousy Merlin had been gripped by just moments earlier transformed into fear, and his heart began hammering in his chest. He couldn't shake the stifling feeling of foreboding that suddenly blanketed him.

"Arthur," he said, his tone suddenly serious, "what did she ask you to do during the break?"

Arthur yawned. "Kill my father."


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so, so much for the reviews. You honestly have no idea how much they mean to me. Thank you! You guys keep me going :)

Merlin slammed the lock of hair on the table a little more forcefully than he had intended to.

"It's Morgana's hair for sure." He said pointing at it, before sighing and melting into the sofa. He held his head in his hands while Gaius picked up the lock of shiny black hair and twirled it between his fingers.

"Well it's certainly not Arthur's," he said, helpfully.

Merlin looked up to glare at him. "This is serious, Gaius. If Arthur kills Uther and then gets dis-enchanted, he would have no recollection of the murder but he'd still be forced to face the consequences. It's actually quite a perfect crime."

"It's not even close to perfect." Gaius said, still scrutinising the hair. "They were excited… they enchanted him too soon, and now we've discovered it. If we dis-enchant him as soon as possible, we can forget this even happened."

"How can we  _forget?_ Morgana is…" Merlin halted, Gaius's words suddenly dawning on him, "wait… what do you mean 'they'?"

"If Morgana was involved - even if she was in her right mind when she was involved - there is still no way she could have done what she did alone." Gaius waved the bundle of hairs in Merlin's face. "This is a powerful enchantment. Even if Morgana  _did_ have magic, she wouldn't have been able to learn such an enchantment without someone to teach it to her."

"Magic…" Merlin's head was spinning. "She's the student that did magic in my class! It was her! It has to be!"

"Let's not jump to conclusions."

But things were suddenly starting to make sense.

"Her lessons with Professor Septus." Merlin said, softly.

Gaius raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

Merlin looked at his professor, eyes wide and fearful. "Morgana has been having these… one-on-one lessons with Professor Septus. She spends all her time with him. He's got to be the one teaching her magic!"

"Professor Septus is a very well respected professor. He was awarded tenure last year. The essays he has published are some of the most brilliant new Art History theses I have ever seen. Accusing him for a crime as serious as using sorcery will not be taken lightly, Merlin."

Merlin felt a hot bolt of anger run through him. "The crime isn't using magic, Gaius." He said in a low voice. "The crime is attempting to kill the king."

"Either way," Gaius said, brushing it off, "the most important matter on hand isn't finding proof that Morgana or Professor Septus is involved. We have to un-enchant Arthur as fast as we can before anyone else finds out."

Merlin lay back on the sofa, exhaling loudly. He didn't understand why he was feeling so anxious. He had been wishing for years that something terrible would happen to Uther Pendragon for all the awful things he had done to the magical community. Yet, now that something was finally going to happen, he was stressing himself out, trying to think of all he could do to protect the king. Where was the logic in that?

But then again, it wasn't the king he was thinking of.

Gaius was looking at him oddly.

"Well?" Merlin asked, sitting up straight. "What's the remedy?"

Gaius shifted awkwardly in his chair. "True love's kiss."

Merlin laughed, some of the weight on his shoulders easing up a bit. "Alright, alright. I get the hint, I'll calm down. But seriously, what is it?"

Merlin's smile dropped as he noticed the solemn expression on Gaius's face. "You've been watching too many Disney movies, Gaius," he said, trying to put on a playful tone that just ended up sounding strained.

He couldn't have been serious. How ridiculous.  _True love's kiss?_ Was that even a real thing?

"Sadly, that is the only solution."

Merlin looked disbelievingly at his professor. "Well how am I supposed to know who Arthur's true love is?" he demanded.

Gaius shrugged. "Has he mentioned any girls he's fond of?"

"And what if his true love doesn't go here?" Merlin continued, ignoring him, "What am I supposed to do then?"

"Let's hope they do."

"Gaius!"

The man sighed. "I'm sorry Merlin, but there's little else that can be done. That is the only solution."

"Oh bloody hell." Merlin said, dropping his head into his hands.

Not counting those random girls Gwaine insisted Arthur had been snogging at parties, there was only one person he could think of that Arthur had shown any interest in at all since coming to Sorsbrooke. And of course, he was dreading approaching them.

* * *

"What?" Gwen laughed awkwardly, not meeting Merlin's gaze.

"Listen to me, Gwen." He said, trying to mask the unwillingness in his voice with urgency. "I can't really explain it, but you have to do it."

"I have to… snog Arthur?" She asked disbelievingly, finally turning to look at him. "Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?"

"He's…" Merlin faltered. He gathered himself quickly and gave her a hard look. "He's enchanted, alright?"

"With me?"

"No, as in, he's under a spell and someone needs to snog him to break him out of it."

Gwen widened her eyes in a bewildered look. "Have you… uh…" She mimicked smoking a joint and Merlin groaned. "No, Gwen, I'm serious."

"I can see that," she said, amusement glimmering in her eyes.

Oh great. Now she thought he was high.

"And how do  _you_ of all people know Arthur is enchanted?" She asked, smirking.

"Because…" Merlin sagged in his chair, suddenly realising he had nothing. What could he say? "You trust me, don't you?"

"Yes, but not enough to ruin my relationship with Arthur based on an explanation you can't even properly give me!" She said, cocking her head and looking at him affectionately. "I promise, if you prove to me that Arthur is enchanted, I'll kiss him."

Merlin sighed agitatedly, running his fingers through his hair and inadvertently making it look even more like he had just been electrocuted. What could he possibly do to convince her? Could he ask her to talk to Gaius? Maybe he could show her the hair that was under Arthur's pillow… that ought to convince her, right? But he couldn't let her talk to Arthur. She would just think Arthur was really in love with Morgana and then she would be even more reluctant to kiss him.

Things were really not going well.

"If you just need  _someone_ to kiss him," Gwen continued in a playful voice, "why don't you just get someone else to do it? Ask Gwaine. He's been hooking up with every boy he can get his hands on."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Really now, Gwen."

"Maybe," Gwen continued, bouncy with the delight her story was bringing her, "you could dress Gwaine up to look like me and  _then_ get him to kiss Arthur." She giggled. "Then Arthur would  _think_ he's kissing me."

"Yes, I'm sure the beard won't tip him off." Merlin muttered. Why wasn't she taking this seriously? It would take all day to convince her…

Suddenly Merlin sat up straight. Amidst her babbling, Gwen had actually given him an idea. If Gwen truly was Arthur's true love, would someone with only Gwen's appearance still be able to break the spell? Was the core of a person present in their body or their internal nature... that is, their personality? Their... soul, as it were? He couldn't be sure… but it was all he had at the moment. The football match was in a few hours and he didn't have much time.

"Are you going to be here for a while longer?" He asked.

Gwen looked confused at the abrupt change in conversation. "No, I thought I'd finish this chapter and head back to my room. Start getting ready for my date with Arthur." She winked at Merlin. "Maybe I'll kiss him after the match."

"So that's it then? You'll go straight from the library to your room?"

She furrowed her brow. "Yes, well. That's what I thought. Why? Is there a problem?"

Merlin smiled cheerily. "None at all."

* * *

Merlin dug out the book from the bottom of his bag and flipped through the pages, half-scared he'd dreamt the spell. But it was there on page 162: 'The Body Changing Spell'. Merlin read through the instructions breathlessly. It would only last for three hours, so he had to hurry. He'd managed to steal Gwen's paper coffee cup on his way out of the library, promising to throw it away for her. But instead it was lying on his desk, her lipgloss smeared across the rim. Grabbing it, he mumbled a few words under his breath and felt the familiar strains of magic course through him. He fell to his knees, woozy, clenching his eyes shut tightly. He felt like his body was being stretched and flattened like a pile of clay, but he didn't dare to open his eyes until that odd feeling had dissipated. When he finally did open them, he was immediately overcome by a strange sensation. Everything looked different, somehow, and his body felt heavy and light in all the wrong places. He climbed unsteadily to his feet and walked over to the mirror, only to be seized by an overwhelming dizziness when Gwen's reflection stared back at him.

He didn't have time or the inclination to think about it. He needed to find Arthur.

He ran out without bothering to change his clothes. It wasn't like he had any girls clothes he could change into, and he didn't think anyone would jump to the assumption that he had transformed himself into Gwen just because she was wearing the same clothes 'Merlin' was wearing that morning. Who would remember what he was wearing anyway? No, his clothes were the least of his worries. He just had to make sure that no one he or Gwen were friends with saw him.

Avoiding people they knew was, surprisingly, way easier than he had expected. People had already started heading towards the football field in order to get good seats, and most of them were so preoccupied in their excited, buzzing conversations that they failed to see Merlin slip silently past them as he headed towards the gym where (he was told) the football players usually gathered before the matches.

He was stumbling down a corridor that held several empty classrooms and was about to take the staircase down to the gym when he spotted Arthur. He was dressed in his football clothes - a bright red jersey with the number 23 on the back and black shorts - and was talking heatedly on the phone. Merlin froze, a warm sense of relief filling him when he saw that Arthur was alone. He wouldn't have to go and publicly pull him away from the other players during their pre-game warm-ups, after all. Maybe the universe didn't despise him as much as he thought it did.

Merlin hid behind a pillar, waiting until Arthur hung up and started walking down the corridor before he called out to him.

"Arthur!"

Arthur froze in his steps and looked around in a baffled manner. He spotted him - her - and his brow laced with confusion at the unexpected presence. "Guinevere?"

Merlin walked towards him unsteadily, trying not the think about how strange the whole situation was. Everything seemed different. Even Arthur looked a little different... but that might have had something to do with the fact that Gwen was a lot shorter than he was, and because of that he was forced to look up at the prince and see him from an angle he never had before. "I need to talk to you."

Arthur sighed, irritably. "You sound just like Merlin. Why is everyone so insistent on talking to me? I'm busy!"

"It's extremely important."

Arthur grumbled but finally nodded. "Alright, what is it?"

"Uh, Morgana sent a message for you."

His eyes widened, eagerly. "Did she?"

"Yes." Merlin grabbed onto his arm, ignoring the surge of electricity that passed through his own. "But we can't talk out here."

He pulled Arthur into an empty classroom, peering outside through the glass in the door to make sure no one was lurking in the hallways.

"What's with all the secrecy?" Arthur asked, contemptuously. "Why couldn't she tell me this herself?"

"Oh just shut up for a second, you dollophead." Merlin said angrily.

Pushing all thoughts from his mind, Merlin shoved a surprised Arthur against the wall and pressed his lips against his. However, as Arthur remained unresponsive, Merlin was slowly filled with the terrified realization that maybe he was wrong.

Maybe, Gwen needed to be the one doing the kissing, not just someone inhabiting her body. But how in god's name was he going to convince her to break the spell before the match?

Disappointed, Merlin started to pull away, but then he felt Arthur's hands around his body, dragging him closer, kissing him back hungrily. Merlin's hands leapt to his face, as if that's where they were meant to be, and through no fault of his own, he found himself surrendering completely to the prince. He was helpless at his touch, helpless to do anything but relish the feel of those soft lips against his. It was too soon when Arthur eventually pulled back and Merlin could see his eyes slowly un-cloud into a look of comprehension.

He had done it. Arthur was back.

Merlin tried to break free but Arthur's arms clutched him tighter, pulling him back into another even more fervent kiss. Arthur flipped him so that his back was to the wall and pushed him into it, his body deliciously heavy. Merlin's stomach exploded into flutters as he dragged Arthur closer, kissing him with a desperate fierceness. Arthur's hand trailed down his back, causing Merlin to gasp sharply before kissing him even harder, his heart whirling manically in his chest. They finally broke apart, Arthur panting and Merlin gasping, the sound of his own voice shocking him. In the heat of the moment Merlin had forgotten he wasn't himself.

Arthur thought he was kissing Gwen.

"What's… what's going on?" Arthur asked, his chest heaving. "I don't remember anything."

"You were enchanted." Merlin croaked.

"I was… what?" he frowned.

"Enchanted. Under a spell." Merlin gulped, trying to calm his erratic breathing. "I was… helping you break the spell. But you can't tell anyone about this, Arthur. You can't. If your father finds out…"

Arthur looked at him curiously. "Don't look so scared, Guinevere."

Merlin tried not to wince. "You can't say anything to anyone, Arthur. Promise me. No one can know about the enchantment."

Arthur looked confused, but nodded silently.

"Good."

With his heart still pounding in his chest, Merlin turned towards the door.

"Guinevere, wait!" Arthur called out, but Merlin hastily disappeared into the hallway and into the crowd that was making it's way towards the football field.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Merlin had made a lot of mistakes in his lifetime, most of which involved his magic. But it was safe to say that kissing Arthur Pendragon was definitely among the top ten. In the two days since the kiss, Merlin had hardly been able to concentrate on anything… let alone the essays and projects he was supposed to complete by Monday. All he had been able to think about was the kiss; the way Arthur's arms felt around him, the way his lips tasted, the feel of his body as he pressed him against the wall. Merlin just wanted to kiss him again. In his own body, this time.

He had only seen Arthur once since the kiss - they had made eye contact across the cafeteria - and it had been absolute agony. Arthur had grinned at him, and remembering the way Arthur's hand had trailed down his back, Merlin's knees suddenly got a little weaker and he was forced to break their eye contact before he started blushing. It was Merlin's incredibly depressing luck that he had only understood the strength of his feelings for Arthur while simultaneously proving that the prince's 'true love' was someone else. It's true that no good deed goes unpunished.

The silver lining on this cloud of confusing emotions was the knowledge that Monday would bring a letter from Ares. While Arthur wouldn't say a word about that kiss to him, Ares would, and Merlin was dying to hear what he had to say about it. It was clear from the way he'd kissed him that he had enjoyed it too. But had he felt the same way Merlin had? Had he felt that electricity? Did he have the same kind of longing to have that kiss again?

The seconds ticked by slowly, until finally on Monday morning his mailbox 'dinged' and a new email from Ares arrived. Merlin practically fell over his own feet in his haste to open it, and was alarmed to see how short it was.

_Dear Emrys,_

_This is going to be a very short email - sorry in advance._

_I've been pretty busy. I had a football match this weekend - we won! - and I spent the rest of the weekend writing essays, so I don't really have much to say. I assume you must be busy too, so I thought that maybe instead of sending each other emails just once a week, we start sending each other emails whenever we feel like it? I mean, there are some weeks when I have tons to say to you and some weeks that I don't. Plus, it worked well the few times we did that, didn't it?_

_I would also like to get more than one email from you a week. That would certainly help the days go by faster._

_Ares_

Merlin gaped at the email, unable to believe his eyes. He had said nothing,  _n_ _othing_ about the kiss at all. Nothing about any of it! He hadn't even mentioned being enchanted.

"Damn you, Arthur Pendragon." Merlin growled, slamming his laptop shut. "You emotionally stunted prat! Damn you!"

* * *

"You would rather sleep with Daniel?" Lancelot asked, disbelievingly. "Are you joking?"

Gwaine shrugged. "He's cute."

"But… Martin is so much sexier!" Lancelot insisted. "I mean, he plays guitar!"

"Lance, don't take this the wrong way…" Gwaine said, taking a large bite of his potatoes, "but it's a good thing you're straight."

Lancelot looked affronted as he turned to Merlin. "You don't agree with him, do you?"

Merlin shrugged, "Daniel is better looking."

"That is so shallow!" Lancelot insisted. "Martin can speak eight languages, you know."

"Are you sure you're straight?" Gwaine asked, and Lance smirked. "Why? You interested?"

Gwaine made a disgusted face and Merlin laughed. Gwaine and Lance had almost polar opposite personalities, but somehow they had formed an extremely warm friendship. Maybe, to an extent, opposites really did attract.

"So," Merlin asked, avoiding Lance's eye as he casually opened his can of coke, "do you still have a crush on Morgana?"

Merlin had been paying Morgana special attention since 'the incident', but he still hadn't been able to put his finger on her. Gaius was convinced that she too was enchanted, but whether or not he was right was irrelevant. After all, enchanted or not, Merlin knew for sure that she had somehow been involved in enchanting Arthur. Given that it was Merlin's duty to protect the prince, that was a good enough reason to keep an eye on her. He wasn't about to let anything happen to Arthur again.

Lancelot shrugged and smiled shyly. "She's intelligent and beautiful… what's not to like?"

"Ask her out then, won't you?" Gwaine said, his mouth full of food. "I heard she's single."

"She is, but I get so nervous around her." Lance admitted. "She always seems so… preoccupied."

Gwaine opened his mouth - most probably to voice a teasing retort - but was interrupted when Gwen sat down on the table, looking as radiant as Arthur's hair.

"You alright Gwen?" Lance asked, sending her a quizzical look.

"I'm perfect," she gushed. "More than perfect. I'm brilliant."

Gwaine and Lance exchanged quizzical looks, and Merlin suddenly felt uneasy.

"What's up?" Gwaine asked, curiously.

"Arthur snogged me!"

Merlin choked on his drink, sending droplets flying across the table. Gwen gave him a confused look as he coughed loudly. "What?" he croaked.

Had - by some crazy, random happenstance - Gwen been aware of what was happening while Merlin was imitating her? Had she somehow managed to remember everything he did when he was her? Were bodies and memories somehow linked even if their consciousness wasn't inhabiting it?

"It was so odd!" Gwen said. "It was the day after the match. Arthur blew off the lunch from the day before - as I mentioned - and I was mad at him… anyway, that's not the point. There was a knock on my door and I opened it and he was just standing there. So of course, I thought he was there for Morgana and I was mad at him, so I didn't even say hi. I was just like "Oh, I'll go and get Morgana" but then he just grabbed me and kissed me!"

Gwaine looked impressed and Lance patted her shoulder approvingly.

"How romantic," Merlin said weakly, forcing a smile.

"Did I break the 'enchantment' then, Merlin?" She asked, giggling. At Lance's confused expression she explained, "Merlin was being all silly the day of the match, telling me to kiss him. He said it was to 'break an enchantment', like I was in 'The Frog Prince' or something." She giggled again. "Well, Merlin. It happened!"

Merlin felt like he was going to throw up.

"How was it?" Gwaine asked.

"Gwaine," Merlin chided hastily, "don't be intrusive."

"What? I'm just curious."

"I'm sure Gwen doesn't want to tell us." Merlin continued, nodding at Gwen as though he were rescuing her from having to tell the story, even though it was obvious she was very eager to tell it. She dropped her smile and looked at her feet uncertainly.

"Well…" she mumbled.

"Aw, ignore him." Gwaine said, covering Merlin's mouth with his hand. "I want to know. Was he good?"

"He was  _amazing._ " Gwen gushed, beaming again. "And I could tell he was into me too.. he did that thing where he softly bit my lip. You know?"

"You like that?" Lance asked, grimacing. "My last girlfriend hated when I did that."

Merlin pushed Gwaine's hand away from his mouth, feeling extremely woozy.

"Yeah, I kind of do." Gwen said, blushing. "And guess what?"

She paused, making the guys wait in anticipation. "He asked me to be his girlfriend!" She squealed.

"Congratulations!" Lance said, leaning over and giving her a hug.

Gwaine shot Merlin a quick curious look before grinning at Gwen. "That's great!"

"Yeah, I'm really happy for you." Merlin supplied, half-heartedly.

"Imagine all the girls who are going to jealous of me now!" She crowed, gazing off into the distance with a contented smile on her face.

"You're certainly a lucky one." Merlin agreed, avoiding Gwaine's eye.

* * *

The second they walked into the room, Gwaine threw his jacket on his bed and turned to Merlin with an accusatory look. "You like him!"

"Who are you talking about?" Merlin asked, trying to seem unconcerned. He dropped his own coat on the back of his chair and sat down in front of his computer, opening the flap and staring blankly at the screen.

"You know who I'm talking about."

Merlin turned towards his roommate with a resentful expression. "I do not like him." he said, forcefully.

Gwaine rolled his eyes. "I don't know who you're trying to fool, but I'm not buying it."

"Well you know, I don't care what you think." Merlin said, angrily. "I don't give a damn about Arthur Pendragon. He can date whoever the hell he pleases."

He turned back to his computer, feeling his face heat up as he opened facebook. He tried to type in his username and password, but his eyes that were quickly filling up with burning tears kept blurring everything. He was trying to discreetly wipe them with the back of his sleeve when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," Gwaine said, softly, "it's alright."

"No it's not." Merlin spat, refusing to look up at him. "It's not. Because nothing is going right."

"So you have a crush on him, it's not a big deal."

Merlin wasn't just talking about Arthur, of course. He was talking about how his powers were getting more powerful by the day, but he couldn't show them to anyone. He was talking about how his brother's life was miserable because of 'fits' that only happened because some delusional oracle believed that Merlin could bring magic back to Albion. He was talking about how he didn't know who to trust because he had sworn to protect a prince that didn't care about him. The fact that he was falling for said prince was just the crown on the head of his convoluted life.

But obviously Merlin couldn't say any of that to Gwaine. So he turned to his roommate, still fighting back the tears and said "He's straight, he's a prince and he's dating my best friend. How much more taboo can he get?" He carefully left out the bit about Arthur also being the son of a man who would kill him if he discovered he was a warlock. "There is not a single situation where I can see us working out, yet the universe still insists on pushing us together at every opportunity that it gets. I can't  _be_ with him, but every time I see him I just end up falling for him more and more." He looked despairingly at Gwaine. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

Gwaine smiled sadly, but said nothing.


	20. Chapter Twenty

Arthur watched as Merlin's long, slender fingers carelessly brushed the dark hair off his forehead before slowly running through the rest of Merlin's ebony hair, giving it a strangely appealing tousled appearance. It was only when those cerulean eyes of his flicked up to meet Arthur's when he quickly averted his gaze, swiftly aware that he had been staring.

"Are you done already?" Merlin asked, surprised.

"Hmm?" Arthur asked, quickly typing gibberish into the document open on his computer. "Oh no… I was just thinking of what to write as my next line."

Merlin nodded slowly and turned back to his laptop without saying another word. The two of them had decided over a week ago that they would meet in the library the Monday after the match to work on their essays together. They had already been sitting together for an hour - Arthur hadn't written even one paragraph, and Merlin hadn't said more than three sentences. Granted, Arthur didn't know Merlin very well, but he was a little worried. Why wasn't he prattling away about nonsense like he usually did? He didn't want to believe it, but Arthur had a nagging suspicion it had something to do with the day he was enchanted. He didn't remember anything he had done when he was 'under the spell', but Merlin had been behaving formal and laconic with him ever since. They had had class that day… the only explanation was that Arthur must have said something odd or rude to him. Why else would he be behaving so strangely?

"You.. uh… didn't come to the match on Saturday." Arthur said, letting his gaze slide - once again - from the screen of his laptop to Merlin.

"There were so many people there," Merlin said, not looking up from his laptop, "how could you even tell?"

"So, you _were_ there?"

Merlin looked up, biting the corner of his lip. "No I wasn't. Sorry. Something came up."

Arthur forced a smile, his chest feeling oddly tight. "Too busy to come and watch headless chickens running around?"

Merlin let out a short dry laugh. "No, it wasn't like that. I was doing an errand… for a friend."

"Oh."

Arthur dropped his gaze again, mentally berating himself for being so awkward. What could he have possibly said to him to make him behave so uncharacteristically civil? Arthur knew he couldn't ask… not without revealing that he didn't remember a minute of that day. Merlin wasn't a total idiot. He would be suspicious if he found out that Arthur didn't remember that day at all, and Arthur certainly couldn't tell Merlin he was enchanted. He had, after all, promised Guinevere he wouldn't tell a soul. But he hated the awkwardness that had sprung up between them. He hadn't mentioned this to anybody, but he was glad he and Merlin had become friends. The few hours they spent with each other every week cheered him up more than he was willing to admit. He had to do  _something_  to make things right again.

He cleared his throat, making Merlin look up again. "The other day…" he began, hesitantly, "… in class." A small frown appeared on Merlin's face, but Arthur went on hastily, "I was… not myself."

Arthur stopped, not knowing what else to say, and noticed a small smile tugging at the corner of Merlin's lips.

"Yes, I could tell," Merlin said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

Oh god. He had said something inappropriate hadn't he? What had he said!?

"I hope you can… forget everything I said." Arthur continued.  _Like I did._

He could see a mischievous mirth glimmering in those eyes now and he had a sudden urge to run out of the library and hide somewhere.

"Don't worry," Merlin said finally, smiling sweetly. "It's forgotten."

Arthur coughed, hoping his face wasn't bright red. "Good. I'm glad."

Merlin was grinning widely now. Arthur quickly turned back to his laptop, avoiding those dizzying blue eyes, wishing he knew why Merlin seemed so entertained. He typed more gibberish into his computer, trying not to seem flustered.

"It's not like you did anything," Merlin said softly and Arthur felt a few wisps of relief settle over him. "I mean… I was wondering why you were ignoring me, but it's not like you were being offensive. I knew something must have been up. I just assumed you had some pressing matter on your mind or something."

Arthur had to consciously struggle to keep his face emotionless, hoping Merlin couldn't see his panic alleviate. He had just been ignoring him? That wasn't even half as bad as the things he was picturing.

"Still," Arthur said humbly, "I was rude and I apologize."

Merlin eyes twinkled. "You've gotten so polite over the course of the term," he teased. "Don't worry about it." He smiled and Arthur felt that odd twinge in the pit of his stomach again. "How was the match?"

Arthur shrugged. "It was alright. I was pretty much…"

"There you are!"

The two boys turned in unison towards the voice that had brutally disturbed them from their conversation. Standing in the doorway of the library with an impish smile was Gwaine. The evil glint in his eye was painfully obvious as he walked towards them.

"Hi Arthur." He said innocuously, and Arthur felt a flush of agitation run through him. He knew what was coming. "You know what happens to the MVP's after the big games, don't you Pendragon?"

Arthur gave Gwaine the most unimpressed look he could muster. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, in a clipped tone.

"Maybe this will jog your memory," Gwaine said, his grin growing more devilish by the second. He turned around and hollered for the other boys, and within seconds the rest of the football team was standing around them with matching wicked smiles.

"Time to throw you in the pool, Pendragon." Elyan said. "It would be easier on all of us if you just come peacefully and don't resist.

Arthur made a face. "I thought we'd stopped this tradition?" he pointed Leon who was standing at the back of the group. "Leon told me the other day that the dean banned the pool-throwing thing. He said something about it being dispiriting for the MVP?"

As the boys turned around to ask Leon why in god's name he would say something like that, Arthur grabbed Merlin's hand. "Come on," he hissed. He pulled his hand, and the two of them dashed out of the room just as the other boys realized what was happening.

"He's getting away!" Arthur heard someone shout.

"They're going to catch up to us, you know." Merlin wheezed as they ran into a hallway lined with vending machines. "There's a lot more of them and they're athletes. It would probably be a better idea to hide."

"Good idea." Arthur spotted a cupboard at the end of the hall. "There!"

The two of them ran manically, managing to jump into the odd-smelling closet and shut the door just as the horde of boys ran past them screaming.

"Where are they?" Kay demanded. "He couldn't have gotten that far!"

"I'm telling you, he went into the other hallway!" Someone else insisted.

Their voices were loud. They were right outside.

One of the cupboard doors - as if controlled by some mischievous spirit - opened slightly and Arthur shifted in his place, trying to remain hidden while simultaneously trying not to accidentally kick the mop and bucket behind him. It was a small, stuffy cupboard that smelled of bleach and moth balls, and Arthur had barely managed to wedge himself between Merlin and the cleaning supplies before he shut the door. He could see Elyan through the small crack that had formed, and panicking at the idea of them finding him in the janitor's closet, moved closer to Merlin so that he was pushing the boy against the side.

"Sorry," he whispered, apologetically. "There's a bucket on that side."

Merlin laughed softly and Arthur noticed the dimple on his right cheek again. He'd never paid much attention to dimples on people, but there was something about Merlin's dimples that made him look extremely cute.

"Elyan, come on! Kay said he saw them by the fountain."

There was a loud sound of stampeding feet and the hallway once again descended into silence.

"We should wait here for a while longer," Arthur whispered, "they might come back."

"Alright." Merlin whispered back.

Feeling the heat of his breath on his lips, Arthur suddenly became frighteningly aware of how close they were standing. He could see the stubble growing on Merlin's cheek. He could feel Merlin's leg pressing firmly against his own. Arthur had never noticed how nice Merlin's cheekbones were. And his neck. He had an extremely nice neck. So long and… exposed. How had he never noticed how nice that neck was?

Someone was breathing raggedly, but Arthur couldn't tell if it was him or Merlin as he was suddenly mesmerised by his lips. How easy would it be to just lean in and…

"Are you going to get out of the closet now?" Merlin whispered, startling Arthur.

"What?" he asked, a hint of fear creeping in his voice. His heart was beating fast and he felt a little lightheaded. Could Merlin tell what he had just been imagining?

"I think they're gone now." Merlin said, in a low voice.

"Oh, right." Flustered, Arthur quickly pushed open the door and emerged into the bright hallway. He purposefully kept his eyes trained on the oblivious people by the vending machines as Merlin followed suit.

"You were saved this time," Merlin said, cheerily, stretching his arms. Arthur ignored the little bit of Merlin's stomach that was revealed as his shirt hitched up. "I don't think you're going to be so lucky the next time they catch you."

"They'll probably tackle me," Arthur agreed, trying to shake the image of tackling Merlin with his lips out of his head. What was the  _matter_  with him?

"Where's your bodyguard when you need him?" Merlin joked.

"I know, right?" Arthur felt weak-kneed. He needed to sit down and not look at Merlin and top two buttons of his shirt, that he now noticed were open.

"Come on, we'd better get back to our essays." Merlin said. He started sauntering towards the library, but Arthur quickly excused himself to the bathroom where he splashed cold water on his face and wondered what had suddenly gotten into him.

* * *

Arthur was still lightheaded when he returned to his dorm, only to be greeted by Morgana, who was sitting on the floor outside his room, a sombre expression on her face.

"I have something to tell you," she said, as soon as they were in his bedroom.

"What's up?" Arthur asked, sitting down gingerly on his messy bed. He may have been completely clueless about a lot of things, but even he could tell her news wasn't going to be good.

"I'm leaving Sorsbrooke."

" _What?"_

"I mean, I'm not coming back after the winter break."

Arthur gaped at her, unable to believe what he had just heard. She looked down at her shoes, her expression hard.

"I can't stay here anymore." She looked up at him, her mouth pressed into a thin line. "I've been used. Brainwashed. Manipulated."

"Morgana, what are you talking about?" he asked, jumping to his feet, his expression stricken. "Whatever it is, we can work through it. I'll complain to the principal. Who's been messing with you?"

She shook her head determinedly. "I've been in a bad place, Arthur. And Professor Septus he… he took advantage of my fragile emotional state." She grimaced seeing the petrified expression on his face. "Not like that!" She chided. "He didn't touch me or anything. He just… he made me…" She took a deep breath. "He tried to get me to hurt you," she said stiffly. "He talked to me and he said all these things… and basically he convinced me that you were evil and horrible."

Arthur sat back down on his bed, suddenly feeling extremely ill. He had a hundred questions swirling around his brain, but his mouth refused to voice any of them.

"I… I have to work some things out." She said adamantly. "I have to go home."

"Morgana… what's going on? Why did he try to get you to hurt me?"

She clenched her jaw. "I can't tell you. But… I just…I need some space. I need time to figure it out, and one day I'll explain it all to you, but I don't know what's happening and I…. I need time." She pressed her eyes shut. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I don't know if you know what happened to you the day before the match, but I'm partly to blame for that. And I… I'm sorry, Arthur." She opened her eyes and gave him a hard look. "Don't trust Professor Septus. I don't know what it is, but he wants to hurt you and your family. Be careful around him. Whatever you do, just keep an eye out. Tell Percy."

"Morgana…"

"Ideally you should leave too. Stay away from him, if you can. But I don't have proof that he's dangerous, so why should you believe me? Why should your father think it anything more than just a fairy tale?" She grimaced. "Chances are you'll be back after the winter break and if you do, I just want you to be careful, alright?"

She smiled, a gentle smile, reminiscent of the old Morgana he had known and loved so much.

"I'll see you later."

With that she swept out of the room, leaving Arthur far too dumbfounded to try and stop her.


	21. Chapter Twenty One

By the time the winter break rolled around, Arthur was more than ready to go back home. His life was suddenly too full of mysteries and confusion, and more than anything he just needed to get away from it all. He had never been a very curious person, but the 'enchantment' incident was starting to eat away at him. Why was Professor Septus trying to hurt him? And could he trust Morgana's word? Maybe she was lying and the professor was just some innocent man. But then what reason could she have had to make up that story? What was she trying to achieve? He wished she had explained things better to him, but ever since their conversation in his room she had avoided all of his calls, texts and emails. She had just left him floundering.

On top of that, something odd was going on with Gwen. They were a few weeks into their relationship, and he while he was still extremely fond of her, it didn't take him more than a few days to realise that he hadn't felt the same way about her since that kiss that broke his spell. They had kissed (and done a lot more) since then, but it hadn't made him feel as exhilarated as it had when he had awoken from the spell to find himself kissing her. That kiss had made him feel like fire. Like he had never wanted to let her go.

Why hadn't it been like that since then? Surely she was wondering the same thing?

He had successfully avoided bringing up that day at all - he didn't want her to get worried that he was going to tell someone about the enchantment - but one day while talking to her on the phone from home, he had decided to approach the topic.

"Remember the first time we kissed?" he asked.

"Of course." She giggled. "I had no idea you were such a romantic, you took me completely by surprise."

Her response had thrown Arthur off, but he eventually assumed that she was pretending their first kiss had never happened. She was talking about the  _second_ time they kissed - when he had come to her room and kissed her. It didn't make any sense though. Why was she so insistent on pretending that that day hadn't happened? Arthur had given her his word to remain quiet about the enchantment… how did pretending like they had never kissed help anything?

 _Have you ever had the feeling that you were stuck in something you didn't understand?_ he asked Emrys one day, _Like you were an actor who found themselves in the wrong play by accident and had to muddle through it without knowing the story?_

 _Yes,_ she had replied. _Honestly, I've sort of felt that way my whole life. I wish I had a solution for you but I don't. I guess we just have to stick it out and hope that in the end everything will fall into place._

As usual, Emrys's emails managed - for a little while - to get his mind off everything. He wished he could confide in her a little more, get her to help him with everything that was going on, but he couldn't. For one, he still hadn't told her about Gwen. He didn't know why, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her he had a girlfriend. He felt guilty of course… was it cheating to avoid telling another girl you were in a relationship? It wasn't like he and Emrys were doing anything other than talking, but he couldn't deny that his feelings for her were not completely platonic. He just didn't know whether that meant they were romantic.

Arthur felt awful even admitting it to himself, but his initial interest in Gwen had formed because he had had a small suspicion that  _she_  was Emrys. She certainly sounded like her sometimes. She called him 'dollophead' like Emrys did, her favourite Harry Potter character was Lupin, she could go from silly to serious in a matter of seconds, she was heavily into Foster the People (though she  _had_ said that was a recent obsession)… the list went on and on. But the more time he spent with her, the more he realized she couldn't have been Emrys. It just didn't fit.

He didn't tell Emrys about his enchantment either. She wouldn't understand why he was keeping the whole thing a secret, and he couldn't tell her that his father would start a war if he found out that someone had enchanted his son without her realizing that his father was Uther Pendragon. So he stuck to having more general conversations with her and successfully managed to sidestep telling her anything overly personal. Though he did tell her about Morgana. He told her how she had tried to hurt him and how she was leaving Sorsbrooke. He hadn't wanted to mention it to anyone initially, but it had been plaguing his thoughts and he finally decided to confide in someone. He couldn't imagine what Professor Septus had told Morgana to make her hate him, but it killed him that she had, even if it was for a second. He loved her. She had been like a sister to him, and he was devastated that she was slowly pushing him out of her life and that he had no way of stopping her.

 _Maybe it's for the best,_  Emrys had said.

That had confused Arthur. For the best? What could she mean by that?

But he had no way of knowing, so he busied himself with his 'duties' and tried not to think about things. It was easier that way. It helped that he was out of uni, back at home where everything was familiar and made sense. Back to a place where he knew how everything worked.

There was only one reason Arthur was sad the term was over, and that was because the end of the term also marked the end of his novel-analysis class. Which meant that he would no longer be in the same class as Merlin. They had only been partnering together for a few weeks, but their meetings had started to cheer him up almost as much as Emrys's emails did. Which was saying something.

He had decided to stop thinking about that day in the janitor's cupboard when he had the strange urge to kiss Merlin. It was a temporary lapse in his judgement brought on by their close proximity to each other, that was all. It hadn't meant anything. Arthur had never been interested in boys, and even if he had to try something with one of them it would probably be a guy like Gwaine who was ripped and athletic. Given that Arthur had never felt an attraction towards any of the boys on the football team (or any boys ever), what sense did it make that he would he be attracted to that small, gangly pale thing?

Sure, he enjoyed Merlin's company. A lot. And yes, he thought Merlin was funny and easy to talk to. And it wasn't like he was  _bad_ looking. Admittedly, Arthur  _had_  had a disappointed sinking feeling in his stomach when Merlin had smiled at him at the end of their class and said "So this is it then, I guess. Have a wonderful break". But it wasn't because he felt anything for Merlin, it was because the boy helped him get his mind off things. And given everything that had been going on in his life, that was exactly what Arthur needed.

Yet, he was a little surprised at how much he found himself thinking about him.

* * *

Galahad threw open the door in a huff. "Merlin, I said  _no._ We're just stopping off to get my iPod so we can listen to music as we drive. That's  _it_."

Merlin trailed inside after him, a matching frown on his face. "Just one night, it's not such a big deal. I'll sleep on the sofa."

"It's not about where you're going to sleep!" Galahad said, yanking off his scarf in exasperation. "You stayed with me for a few days and I had an episode. I'm not going to take anymore chances."

"But you didn't  _do_ anything to me!" Merlin insisted, growing increasingly tired of repeating himself. "You didn't even touch me!"

"Then why were you looking so upset for the rest of the night?" Galahad demanded, striding up to the door and closing it forcefully. "Clearly something must have happened."

Merlin fell into silence and Galahad nodded curtly. "Just as I thought."

"You don't know what really happened." Merlin said quietly.

Galahad groaned, but instead of responding, stormed over to a drawer and began rooting through it. Merlin watched him irritably pulling out pairs of dead earphones and throwing them onto the ground.

"Why do I have so much shit in my house?" he roared, stomping to the kitchen.

The room filled with the cacophony of pots and pans being banged around until Galahad emerged two minutes later, his face bright pink.

"It was in an empty coffee mug." He said, a little foolishly. "I don't know how it got there."

Merlin laughed and his brother smiled, but his smile soon dropped and his face hardened again.

"So in conclusion… no. You can't stay here."

Merlin bit his lip. "Alright fine. I won't say here. But you need to know the truth."

Galahad sighed and looked at Merlin exhaustedly, "Fine. What's the truth?"

"When dad was alive… did he um… did he get fits too?"

Galahad's disgruntled expression quickly turned quizzical. "Um, I don't think so… why?"

"What you have… they're not fits. Something is living inside you."

Galahad rolled his eyes. "Oh Jesus Christ, Merlin. Really? You're resorting to making up stories now?"

"No listen to me!" Merlin said angrily, and Galahad fell silent, shocked at his sudden aggression. "There is an oracle that lives inside you. I know this sounds stupid, but I… I spoke to him, alright? He said that… that I have this destiny and that he's inhabiting you to get to me and give me advice and…. Basically it's my fault this is happening to you."

Galahad's mouth twitched with confusion but Merlin continued breathlessly. "I spoke to Gaius and he taught me something… but you need to let me try it."

Galahad looked at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. "Try… what?"

"I have to cast a spell on you. To connect me to it. Once it is connected to me, then I can summon it. And  _if_  I can summon it, that means it has settled into your body and it won't give you problems anymore."

"Merlin…"

"No listen to me, I'm being serious. Galahad, you have no idea how much pain this has caused me. Knowing that… you've been suffering all this because of me."

For a second they both stood stock still, a heavy silence lingering between them. Then his brother walked up to him and gently cupped his cheek, his eyes suddenly affectionate. "Merlin, I would gladly suffer for you. You're my brother. I love you. And if what you're saying is true… that the reason for these fits is because someone is trying to help you achieve what you're meant to achieve… well, then I'm honoured," he ruffled his hair affectionately. "I mean, all this time I thought I had some terrible medical condition. But if it's something that's meant to help you? Well, then it doesn't bother me at all."

Merlin smiled, his vision blurring slightly. "I love you too. Which is why you have to let me do this."

Galahad stepped back, suddenly looking nervous. "I don't know…"

"Trust me. I promise, nothing bad will happen to you."

Galahad looked helplessly around the room as though the walls could give him an answer. Finally he nodded reluctantly.

"Alright. Let's give it a shot."

Merlin grinned. "Ok, so just stand straight." Galahad followed his instructions and steeling himself, Merlin began chanting the spell Gaius had taught him and subsequently made him repeat - what felt like - a hundred times. Galahad stood stiffly, his expression worried. Suddenly his head flopped back and his arms splayed as if he was accepting a gift from the heavens. Merlin continued hissing the spell until finally his brother straightened up again, his eyes bright and golden.

"So we meet again, young warlock."

Merlin sagged, the breath suddenly knocked out of his body. "Kilgharrah," he said, weakly.

His brother smiled that strange reptilian smile. "I am pleased that you have been keeping your end of the bargain."

Merlin grumbled and the oracle smiled wider. "This is just the beginning Merlin," it promised. "One day you and Arthur will accomplish something greater than any duo has ever accomplished before."

"Oh great. I can't wait." Merlin rolled his eyes. "More babysitting the prince."

Kilgharrah laughed. "Something tells me you enjoy it more than you're letting on."

Merlin frowned, trying to will away the blush he could feel creeping on his cheeks. "This isn't about me and Arthur," he said, trying to sound snappy, "this is about Galahad."

"Now that you know how to summon me, your brother will encounter no trouble from me anymore," he promised. "But Merlin, you must summon me. And when you do, you must heed my advice. I'm here to lead you on the correct path."

Merlin chewed on his bottom lip. "Well in that case, there is something. Morgana LeFaye…"

Kilgharrah frowned. "The witch? What about her?"

Merlin's eyes grew wide. "So she  _is_ a witch?"

"Yes. A powerful witch. Alas, also a poor misguided girl."

"So, should I be watching out for her?"

The oracle shrugged. "Perhaps, but not yet. There is someone else you must look out for, but I know not who."

Merlin held back a scathing sarcastic retort. "You're an oracle. I thought you could see the future."

"I know only but a few things, young warlock," he said, shaking his head sadly, "and Morgana LeFaye's fate is not one of them."

"What about the guy who is trying to kill Arthur?"

The oracle gave him an amused look and Merlin gritted his teeth. "Why are you looking at me like that? You said I needed to protect him… well, there's someone trying to kill him."

"Of that I am sure. Unfortunately I don't know who it is."

"I do. I just don't have proof that it's him."

The oracle raised his eyebrows."Why are you so sure this man is behind it all?"

"All the evidence leads to him. Does the same Septus ring a bell?"

The oracle shook his head, sending Galahad's messy curls flying. "There are many things I do not know, young warlock."

"Well then what am I supposed to do?" Merlin demanded, feeling the increasing need to strangle the creature before him.

"Follow the path that your heart and brain both agree is the right one."

Merlin gave a low growl. "Why are you always so cryptic?" he shouted, "I'm not looking for poetry, I just want answers."

"As I said, there are many things even I do not know."

"Oh brilliant. So you tell me to protect Arthur but you can't tell me why or from who."

"You have to protect him so he can bring magic back to Camelot."

Merlin shook his head, incensed. "You can't even tell me who's trying to kill Arthur, yet you expect me to believe that you know he'll legalise magic?"

The oracle nodded solemnly. "That is one of the things I do know."

"Well then, I guess we're done here," Merlin said, trying not to seem ruffled. "Can you please bring Galahad back now?"

The oracle regarded at him for a long moment, his yellow eyes so focused on Merlin he was sure they could see his burning, aggravated thoughts. But finally it nodded. "I do have one piece of advice before I go, Merlin. Always remember… your magic is a part of you. It is your destiny. Embrace it."

And with that he closed his eyes and leaned backwards. When he straightened up, Merlin couldn't help but smile as he was greeted by those familiar cerulean eyes.

"It's over now, Galahad," he said, almost knocking his brother over in an attempt to give him a hug. "Those stupid episodes won't bother you ever again."


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um, there are spoilers for the musical Wicked at the end of this chapter. Sorry about that... but I couldn't resist putting in a reference to the play. If you're really against spoilers, I'd suggest just skipping the last bit of the chapter (after the second page break), it won't really affect the story if you don't read that bit. Enjoy!

Resolving the issue with Galahad eased Merlin's conscience enough to allow him to spend the rest of the winter break in a relaxed manner. Well, mostly. He was, of course, glad to be back home where he could spend long evenings talking to Hunith with a cup of tea warming his fingers, and sleep in his bed with his soft blue comforter, and watch Doctor Who on their large TV. And of course, it was brilliant to see Will again. But unfortunately being back at home still didn't help distract him from thoughts of Arthur Pendragon. Between Ares's emails and the random text messages Arthur kept sending him, it was close to impossible not to think about him. Not that Merlin  _minded._ In fact, he couldn't prevent a large grin from spreading over his face every time he received a message from Arthur. Even if it was something absolutely banal like 'How are things?'.

It was this uncontrollable reflex that Merlin blamed for the day Will found out. They were sitting in Merlin's room reading comic books when his phone buzzed, announcing a message from Arthur. It just said 'hi', but Merlin grinned so widely it caught Will's attention.

"Ooh, who is that from?" Will asked, his trademark evil glint appearing in his eye.

"Nobody." Merlin said quickly, trying to hide his phone. He didn't succeed - he never did when it concerned Will - and within seconds it was in the brunette's hands.

"Is it someone from uni?" Will asked teasingly as he glanced at the screen. "Is it that Gwe-" He froze mid-sentence and looked up at Merlin with eyes so wide, he looked like a character straight out of an anime. "Is this the same Arthur that I think it is?" He demanded. Merlin shrugged pathetically and Will's eyes grew wider. " _Merlin._ I _…_ Oh my god."

"What?" Merlin asked. "So, Arthur Pendragon texted me. Big deal."

" _No._ Arthur Pendragon texted you saying  _hi_ and you smiled so widely it looked like you had just gotten asked out by Heidi Klum." Will thrust the phone in Merlin's face as if it were a menu and he hated everything on it. "What is the meaning of this?"

Merlin tried to put on a bored expression, but he could sense from the look on Will's face that it was completely unconvincing. "We got paired up for a project and now we're friends. There's really nothing more to tell."

Will grimaced. "No, there is  _lots_ to tell because you bloody like him, don't you?"

"What?" Merlin scrunched up his nose and made a vague hand motion, as if dismissing his words. "How stupid. Why would you even…"

"Don't even  _think_ about lying to me, you daffodil. I know you and I have never seen you get all flustered over such a pathetic text message in your  _life._ "

"Alright," Merlin huffed, letting the phone drop into his lap, "maybe I have a…  _smidgen_  of a crush on Arthur. It's really not-"

"His father wants to bloody kill you!"

"Yeah well, there's that…" Merlin chewed on his bottom lip. "But  _he_  doesn't." He reasoned, flimsily.

Will rolled his eyes. "I can't believe this."

Merlin could barely believe it himself. He had been seeing pictures of Arthur in magazines and newspapers since he was a boy, and back then they either left him completely unconcerned or else made him angry and prompted him to make some sort of snide comment about how ridiculous the monarchy was. But now, seeing pictures of Arthur in the newspaper just made his heart race to an alarming degree.

"Just a few months ago you practically had a stand-up routine about everything that was wrong with him and now you're composing poetry about how his hair looks like sun-kissed grass," Will wailed.

"Ok, now you're just being ridiculous."

"You're just like the girls in our class now!" Will continued whining, shaking his head ruefully. "I can't believe you. I thought you were different."

"Oh, shut up Will." Merlin snapped, his cheeks burning.

Will just smiled wickedly in response.

That wasn't the end of it. Will spent the rest of the winter break mercilessly teasing Merlin and bringing up allusions to Arthur whenever he could. His allusions weren't subtle either. Even Hunith knew what he meant when he asked Merlin if he was  _royally pissed with him_  or when he shoved a ruler in Merlin's face and said  _look Merlin, a ruler. I know how you like those._

"You have a crush on the prince?" Hunith had asked once, during one of Will's snarking sessions. "Is that why you spend so much time scouring the newspapers every morning?"

Merlin had turned bright red and Will had laughed so hard he had fallen off his chair.

"I was wondering why you had suddenly become so interested in current events," she remarked before walking away.

But even his mother's teasing and Will's childishness couldn't detract from how relaxing the winter break was, and by the time the beginning of the new term rolled around Merlin found himself a little reluctant to go back. Mostly because he didn't want to deal with the mess that Sorsbrooke had inadvertently made his life into. But when he walked into his room and Gwaine pulled him into a hug and said, "Ah, Merlin! I've missed you!" Merlin did start to feel excited about the upcoming term. Maybe things would start looking up.

* * *

 "I'm still doing the same history classes because they are year-long classes, but I'm also taking uh…" Merlin racked his brain to think of the two new classes added onto his schedule, "oh yeah. Medieval Literature and Introduction to Psychology."

Gwen fluttered her hands excitedly. "That sounds really cool. I've always wanted to take a class on Medieval Literature. The Middle Ages were the best. Knights and jousting tournaments and mêlées and princesses. It was such an exciting time."

Merlin nodded, "I know. It's always fascinated me."

"What's always fascinated you?"

The voice made Merlin's heart jump.

"Oh, hi." Merlin said, a smile creeping onto his face as the prince sat down next to Gwen. Arthur smiled back, a little shyly, and quickly turned to his sandwich. "Gwen didn't mention you were back."

"I didn't know either!" Gwen exclaimed, "I was waiting for you and he just showed up!"

"Well, it's good to see you Merlin." Arthur said, still not meeting Merlin's gaze.

"It's good to see you too, Arthur."

Gwen looked from Merlin to Arthur and then giggled. "And just think, a few months ago you two hated each other and were having loud arguments in public."

Arthur shook his head, embarrassed. "I know. I was such an arsehole when I first came, wasn't I?"

"You weren't that bad," Gwen said, linking their arms and sidling closer to him.

"I'm sure Merlin doesn't feel the same way."

"He was a total arsehole," Merlin agreed.

Arthur grinned, and Merlin's heart whirled giddily in his chest. 

"Well not you're not one anymore," Gwen reasoned.

"That's debatable," Merlin said, wryly. 

"Shut up, Merlin." Arthur snapped, feigning annoyance.

Merlin couldn't help but feel a flicker of jealousy as he watched Gwen's fingers twirl themselves playfully around Arthur's. He tried to focus instead on the overly salty taste of his soup just as Arthur turned around and kissed her. A long, lingering kiss, at that. Merlin looked down at his food, suddenly seized by an almost irresistible urge to stab something with a fork. Finally the two of them broke apart and Merlin looked up again, forcing a smile on his face.

"Aww, you two. Get a room."

"Oh we will," Gwen teased, and Merlin immediately regretted his joke. "But not right now." she continued, getting up and grabbing her jacket off the back of the chair. "Right now, I have to meet with one of my professors to discuss a paper."

"Alright, I'll see you later then." Arthur said, smiling. Merlin nodded, "Ditto." She blew a kiss at both of them and then bounced down the room towards the doors. 

Arthur turned his attention to Merlin, and Merlin immediately felt queasy. The last time he and Arthur were alone together, they had ended up in a cupboard with their faces just centimeters apart. It had taken Merlin all the restraint he could muster not to grab him and kiss him. He didn't think he'd have the same kind of willpower if they were ever in such a situation again.

"It is odd, isn't it?" Arthur mused. "I mean you and I… we  _really_ hated each other."

Merlin laughed, "I know." He made a face. "You really were an ass. You kept making fun of my ears."

"It's not like you were any better!" Arthur said accusingly, but he was grinning. "I am sorry, though. Your ears are actually kind of adorable."

Merlin quickly turned away so Arthur couldn't see the blush on his cheeks and was mentally reprimanding the universe for putting him in such a predicament, when he spotted a girl at the very end of the cafeteria.

"Hey, Arthur. Isn't that the girl who came into 'The Bean' the night that you were waiting for your friend? The really angry one?"

Arthur spotted her at the back of the room and laughed, "Oh yeah! And you told me that she and I would make a good couple."

"I really meant it." Merlin said, soberly.

"Oh, shut up."

Merlin grinned. "So who  _were_  you waiting for that night?"

He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. What bloody thing had compelled him to ask Arthur  _that?_ He looked at the prince nervously, worried that he was going to recoil and get awkward, but he remained strangely unfazed.

"I know you said she was an old friend… you don't have to elaborate if you don't want to." Merlin added hurriedly.

"Actually that was a lie," Arthur admitted, "I… have never met her."

"Huh?" Merlin raised his eyebrows, surprised that Arthur was being so candid with him. "What.. uh… what do you mean?"

Arthur smiled sheepishly, "You know how I kept jumping every time someone walked through the door? Well, uh… it's because I don't know what she looks like. She's my pen pal."

"You  _don't_ know what she looks like or you didn't then?"

"I don't." Arthur looked down at his feet. "She never showed up."

"Well she sounds lovely."

Arthur bristled. "Something came up," he said, defensively. "She couldn't get out of it, that's all."

Merlin nodded solemnly, trying to hide his smile. "Alright, if you say so."

Arthur scowled. "What are you trying to imply?"

"Nothing!" Merlin said, innocently. "Nothing at all. So, does she go here?"

Arthur nodded and sighed, leaning on the table. "It's absolute agony. I mean, anyone I see could be her. She could be here, in this room  _right now_  and I wouldn't know it."

Merlin's stomach was starting to hurt in his struggle to hold back his laughter.

"Maybe I know her, what's her name?"

Arthur shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair agitatedly. "She uses a pen name. She calls herself Emrys."

" _Emrys_?" A voice asked.

Merlin's stomach twisted with dread as Gwaine slammed a tray down on the table beside him, a wide grin plastered on his face.

"Gwaine." Arthur said, dryly.

"Who's Emrys?" Gwaine asked again. "You cheating on Gwen, Arthur?"

Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin shoved Gwaine hard in the side with his elbow. "You are so intrusive," he muttered. Gwaine just grinned wider. "Look who's talking Mr.  _How much did you get on your history mid-term?"_

"How is that being intrusive?" Merlin demanded. "That's what normal people do."

"I'm sorry," Arthur said, cutting in, "you guys know each other?"

"I can see how much you talk about me," Gwaine said blandly and Merlin laughed. Gwaine put an arm around Merlin's shoulders, pulling him closer. "I knew him before you knew him, princess. He's my roommate."

"Oh," Arthur spluttered, "right. Uh." He laughed, a little awkwardly. "I didn't know that." He shifted in his chair.

"So you gonna tell me who this Emrys is, or what?" Gwaine asked, one arm still wrapped around Merlin and the other hand shovelling chips in his mouth. Arthur didn't reply, his gaze instead fixed on Gwaine's hand that was cupping Merlin's shoulder.

"Arthur's pen pal." Merlin blurted before he could stop himself. Arthur shot him a glare.

"Arthur's  _pen pal?"_ Gwaine asked gleefully. He dropped his arm from Merlin shoulders and rubbed his hands together. "I didn't know you had a  _pen pal,_ Arthur."

"Please don't tell anyone," Arthur said, exhaustedly. "Honestly, I just… I don't want this to get out."

"I promise." Gwaine said solemnly, not looking at Merlin. "I can sympathise. I'm sure most people who have pen pals don't want others to know about it." Merlin internally groaned. "So, Emrys. That's a weird name," Gwaine continued, exuberantly. "What is she, like… from Arandelle?"

"It's a made up name."

"Is she good at making up names?" Gwaine asked. In response, he simultaneously received a confused looked from Arthur and a sharp kick under the table from Merlin.

"Let's change the topic," Merlin suggested, "I don't think Arthur wants to…"

"Oh hush Merlin." Gwaine said, clapping a hand over his mouth. He was still looking at Arthur brightly. "So, what do you talk about with your pen pal?"

Arthur shrugged, a little uncomfortably. "I don't know."

Merlin yanked Gwaine's hand off his mouth and sent him a glare. But Gwaine ignored him, his eyes still fixed on Arthur. "You  _don't_ know?"

"Well everything and nothing, really." Arthur said, dropping his gaze.

"Care to elaborate?"

"I don't really know how to explain. We can talk about anything, even if it ridiculous or unimportant. She can make topics that I thought were boring the most fascinating thing on the planet." Arthur tried, very unsuccessfully, to suppress a smile. "She can make me laugh just with her words. She can completely change the way I see something. She's… well, she's kind of incredible."

Gwaine chanced a look at Merlin and noted a matching dreamy smile on his face. His gut suddenly felt heavy.

"So, what does she look like?" Gwaine asked, turning back to Arthur and batting his eyelashes in an exaggerated impression of interest.

"That's what I was just telling Merlin," Arthur admitted. "I've never met her."

"So how do you even know she's a girl?" Gwaine challenged. "She could be a man." He saw Merlin's eyes widen with horror and quickly added. "A fat, hairy man with bad breath who collects patterned socks. What would you do then?"

Arthur flinched, but eventually shrugged. "It doesn't matter," he said brusquely, suddenly catching himself, "we're just pen pals."

"Are you?" Gwaine teased, "Sounds like you've got a little bit of a crush on her."

Arthur frowned, his cheeks going slightly red. "How can I have a crush on someone I've never met?" he drawled. "Plus, I have a girlfriend."

"Yes, I'm aware. Gwen's not been able shut up about it." Gwaine yawned. "So I'm sure you've told her about this Emrys then?"

Arthur's face hardened but he remained silent and Gwaine grinned. He turned back to his burger and was about to take a bite when Arthur spoke again, his voice a lot more forceful. "She goes to Sorsbrooke. Emrys, I mean. If she goes to Sorsbrooke how can she be a fat, hairy man?"

"I have seen plenty of fat hairy men here, thank you very much." Gwaine intoned, the gleam in his eye returning. "And did she say she went to Sorsbrooke as a  _student?_ Because she could very well be a professor, I'm just saying. She could be Professor Oldman. He's like BFF's with your dad right? Maybe he likes you."

Arthur made a face and Merlin was caught between wanting to laugh and wanting to push Gwaine off his chair.

"Well, as I said," Arthur forced the words out sharply, "it doesn't matter to me. I value her opinions and enjoy her letters. I don't care what she looks like."

"What if," Gwaine continued, "she's really sweaty. Like one of those girls who always has large pit stains on her shirt?"

"What if she's really weird?" Merlin piped up, "Like what if she collects snake skin and decapitated barbies?"

Gwaine snorted. Arthur rolled his eyes. "The two of you are idiots," he muttered, sourly.

"Ooh. What if, she has a really big hairy mole on her eyelid?" Gwaine suggested.

"Or teeth that are all black." Merlin added. "Because she chews too much tobacco."

Arthur's lip curled and he looked at them both disdainfully. "It doesn't matter," he spat, "we're friends. You don't care what your friends look like, do you?"

"But  _if_ you break up with Gwen," Gwaine wheedled, "and you meet Emrys, and she's a four foot eleven man with a thick beard who's obsessed with  _iCarly,_ will you go out with him?"

Arthur's lips were pressed into a thin line and he looked from Gwaine's wicked grin to Merlin's amused one.

"I wouldn't date him, but I would still value his opinions and enjoy his company," Arthur said, stiffly. "Nothing can change the fact that me and Emrys have a connection the likes of which I've never had with anyone."

* * *

 "You see?" Gwaine said as they got back to their room. "He said he'd still love you even if you were the most unappealing person on earth."

"You didn't ask him if he'd date Emrys if she turned out to be an awkward, clumsy, pale, ungainly boy."

"No, I thought that would be a bit too obvious." Gwaine said, smiling.

Merlin made a face, "Wow, thanks Gwaine."

Gwaine laughed. "To be honest I don't think you being awkward and ungainly is a bad thing," he admitted, a little bashfully.

Merlin threw his coat on the back of his chair, feeling the guilt that had been simmering in his stomach all night go rushing through the rest of his body. "It doesn't matter even if he thinks so too," Merlin said, sighing. "He's dating Gwen and she's my best friend. Even if they break up, you can't date your best friend's boyfriend. There's like a rule or something."

Gwaine was sitting on his desk chair now, staring at Merlin intently.

"What?" Merlin asked.

"Have you seen Wicked? The musical?"

Merlin frowned. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Gwaine shrugged. "You remind me of the main girl, that's all."

"I've never watched it. How do I remind you of her?"

"Oh I don't know," Gwaine bent down to untie his heavy boots, "she's really selfless. Throughout the play she would constantly put the needs of others before her own. She had such a good heart and believed in things with such a conviction that you couldn't help but love her." Gwaine looked up at him, smiling. "But she only got a happy ending when she decided to be selfish and stole the prince away from her best friend."

"You're making this up," Merlin complained.

"No, I'm being serious!" Gwaine insisted. "That's the story. Things only worked out for her when she faked her death and ran away with the guy."

"So I should fake my death and run away with Arthur, that's your solution?" Merlin asked, trying to sound sarcastic but simultaneously wanting to giggle at the ridiculous idea.

"Don't beat it till you've tried it," Gwaine said, winking. He turned his gaze back to his shoes. "All I'm saying is that… well, sometimes it helps to be a little selfish. And if tonight is any indication, I'm sure Arthur will accept Emrys no matter what."

Merlin tried to smile, but remembered with a sinking feeling that Gwaine was unaware of the biggest thing keeping him and Arthur apart.

Arthur would never accept him if he knew he had magic.

"I guess. Thanks Gwaine."

"And Merlin?"

"Hmm?"

"I swear to god if you tell anyone about how much I love Wicked, I will hang you by your toes."


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

Percival could sense something was wrong as soon as Arthur burst through the door.

"What happened?" He asked, panic clear in his voice, "Oh my god, something bad happened didn't it? I knew I should come come out with yo.."

"It's nothing, Percy." Arthur said, brushing it off.

But it was something. In fact, it was a gangly, pale, dorky thing.

So Arthur was wrong. The odd desire he had to kiss Merlin in that cupboard wasn't just a temporary lapse of judgement. Seeing Merlin again, in the flesh, after the winter break had made Arthur's stomach flop like he was on one of those horrendous theme park rides which drop you from a great height.

And it had freaked him out. He was aware of just how hard it had been for him to get Merlin out of his thoughts, but to have such a powerful reaction just to seeing him? So to counter it, Arthur had kissed Gwen. A long lingering kiss that he hoped would remind him who he really had feelings for, but it was no use. The boy still managed to get him all flustered, which in turn had caused him to act like a complete idiot. Arthur had told him his  _ears_ were adorable, for Christ's sake! Who said that!?

His ears  _were_ adorable, but that wasn't the point. The point was that a man wasn't supposed to tell another man he had cute ears.

To make matters worse, they had been joined by Gwaine who had revealed that he was Merlin's roommate, which had just ended up distressing Arthur. Because for the rest of the meal all he could picture was Gwaine getting to see Merlin coming out of the shower - his hair damp, a towel around his waist, his bare chest…

Not to mention the fact that Merlin got to see Gwaine's impressive set of abs on a daily basis. A set of abs the likes of which Arthur wasn't likely to get any time soon.

And from the way Gwaine had his arm protectively draped around Merlin, Arthur could tell that there was something going on there. How the hell was he supposed to compete with a guy like Gwaine!?

He was being ridiculous. For one, he didn't even know if Merlin liked men. He didn't even know if  _he_ liked men. He just knew he liked Merlin. And Emrys.

Oh hell.

Arthur crumpled onto his bed, his head spinning. if he couldn't even tell who he had feelings for, how the hell was he supposed to rule Camelot? He closed his eyes, trying to organize his thoughts. He didn't know what he felt for Merlin, but he definitely felt something. A person hadn't made his stomach flutter like that since he was twelve and had a crush on the cook's daughter. Except that this was about ten times worse, because this time he wanted to do a lot more than just hold hands. But there was no denying the way he felt for Emrys either. It was like she completed him. But could he really love someone whose real name he didn't know?

Whatever it was, there was only one thing he knew for sure. And that was that he didn't have feelings for Gwen.

Arthur remained sprawled on his bed for hours just staring up at the ceiling. He knew what he had to do, but right now stabbing himself in the eye with a pencil seemed like a more appealing option. Finally he rolled onto his stomach and pulled his laptop to him. There was, after all, only one sure-fire way of clearing his head.

_Dear Emrys,_

_When I was young, my grandmother (before she died that is) would always tell me stories about knights and princesses. But even at a young age, I found it ridiculous. Because in all the stories from the very minute they met each other, the knight and the princess would fall in love. I could never understand how that was possible - how can you fall in love with someone you don't even know? Not only fall in love… they were willing to risk everything, including their lives for that other person. Imagine that! So one day I asked her point blank how that was possible, and she told me another story. She said that at the very beginning of time there was the Big Bang. And when it took place, there were these atoms in the universe that were split apart. So when humans were created, these atoms went and integrated themselves into random human bodies. As a result of this, she said, we spend our whole lives searching for our other halves - that is, the human with the other half of the atom - and that when we find them, we just know… because the moment we meet them is the moment we become whole again._

_Of course it is a flawed theory. If the Big Bang was the beginning of time then what were those atoms doing in the universe before then? And life isn't like those knight tales. You can't possibly know from the minute you meet someone that they are your soulmate. Not to mention that I don't like the idea that all we are doing in our lives is trying to find our soulmates. But it does make sense to an extent; I do sometimes believe that we are all half-beings and that we need someone else to make us whole._

_Did I ever tell you about how my father met my mother? They were in university together. He always told the story like it was an epic romantic tale, like one of grandma's knight-and-princess stories, but I found out much later that it was far from perfect. See, when my father met my mother she was dating a man called Gorlois (Isn't that the funniest name? It sounds like the name of a cartoon rodent) and he proceeded to steal her away from him. He never mentions this when he tells the story, but Gorlois was actually his best friend. So not only did he steal his best friend's girlfriend, but my mother was actually still dating Gorlois when she first kissed my father. Knowing such things suddenly makes a tale less romantic, don't you think? I mean, all this time I thought Gorlois was the villain of the story, but now I'm starting to think it's my parents. But then again, if my mother truly was my father's true love, were they really at fault?_

_You're probably wondering why I'm writing this to you all of a sudden. Have you ever found yourself falling for the last person you ever expected to fall for? Like one day you look into a set of eyes you didn't think much of before, but today they suddenly make your heart race and your stomach flutter and your hands clammy? Now suddenly seeing them smile is the most imperative thing in your life? God, Emrys, I don't know what to do. See, the thing is… I didn't mention this before, but I sort of have a girlfriend. And I care a lot about her and I don't want to hurt her. But this person has suddenly come into the picture and I'm so bloody confused. Especially since I don't know if they feel the same way about me… or ever will. They're kind of hard to read and I'm - as you so eloquently put it - a total dollophead._

_I don't expect you to give me an answer, I just need you to tell me I'm not going crazy. How am I supposed to know who has the other half of my atom?_

_Ares_

* * *

Despite already being assigned three papers which were all due by the end of the month, Merlin was on a cloud. Only two days into the semester he had received a letter from 'Ares' saying that he was falling for someone who was 'the last person he ever expected to fall for'. Obviously he hadn't specified who, but what was Merlin to assume given that the night after Arthur had confided in him about his pen pal, he had written to said pen pal telling 'her' there was a 'person' he was falling for? Not to mention everything Arthur had said describing the way he felt about  _that person_  was the exact same way Merlin felt about Arthur. It had been about four days since he'd received the letter, but nothing could bring his mood down. Nothing at all.

Except maybe for the unfortunate fact that he had barely seen Arthur in those four days. They had only spoken once since Merlin got the letter, and that was when Merlin was studying in the library and Arthur had come over to ask him if he wanted to go to Kay's party on saturday night. Merlin had declined, explaining that he had plans to go out for dinner and bowling with Theon and some of the guys from his dorm. He carefully left out the fact that he wasn't a big fan of either Kay or Elyan, who were most definitely going to be hanging around Arthur all night. He might have been imagining things, but Arthur had seemed disappointed when he refused. He couldn't be sure though, because at that moment Elyan had appeared and reminded Merlin why he didn't like him.

But still, none of it was enough to ruin his mood. The fact still remained that Arthur was falling for him. Arthur Pendragon _. The prince_. The boy every girl wanted to date _._ That ridiculous, gorgeous, idiotic dollophead was falling for  _him._

Merlin practically waltzed into the cafeteria, stopping by one of the counters to make himself a salad.

It seemed unreal. Like Merlin had accidentally transported himself inside a implausibly idealistic romantic comedy. His deep, funny, intelligent, beautiful Ares loved him back. He couldn't believe it. What more could he possibly ask for?

He was humming softly to himself, looking for somewhere to sit when he saw her and his reverie shattered into a million pieces. She was sitting alone with a face like a puppy that had just been cast out onto the street, looking so desolate that Merlin stopped dead in his tracks, guilt hitting him hard in the gut.

He had forgotten about Gwen.

He rushed over, his overwhelming concern and remorse making him stumble.

"Gwen, are you alright?" He asked worriedly. He sat down across from her, hands clasped nervously in his lap. "What happened?"

Gwen looked up at him, her pathetic expression mutating into one of fury. "What  _happened?_ I'll tell you what happened. Arthur broke up with me!"

Merlin bit his lip, making what he thought was a murmur of sympathy but came out sounding like a whimper.

"Can you believe him?" She demanded. Merlin felt another rush of guilt as he saw tears in her eyes. "And do you want to know who he broke up with me for?  _A girl he's never met."_

"What?" Merlin asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"Yeah, he says he's in love with his  _pen pal."_ She sneered. "I don't know who he thinks he's fooling, but I don't believe that for a minute. I know there's someone else."

She cast a quick glance around the cafeteria before leaning in to Merlin and hissing, "I think he likes a  _boy._ "

Merlin couldn't prevent his heart from jumping. "A… boy?" he asked, trying to sound skeptical.

"Yeah."

"Why do you think that?"

Gwen bit the inside of her cheek, as if nursing an inside joke she knew Merlin would never understand. "When we were breaking up, I kept saying things along the lines of 'I know there's someone else. Tell me, who is it?' and at one point he said ' _he's_  nobody'," she gave Merlin a pointed look, "and then he quickly changed it to she, but I know what I heard." She leaned back in her chair. "It's that blasted Mordred, I know it," she said angrily.

Merlin's eyebrows shot up, his heart freezing. "Excuse me?" He coughed, trying to keep his voice from reaching a pitch only dogs could hear. "Who's Mordred?"

"That new boy on the football team? Arthur can  _not_ stop talking about him. He's obsessed.  _Blah blah._ Mordred is so cute. Mordred is so good at football." She grimaced. "It makes sense now, doesn't it? I mean, all the boys on the football team seem to love him because he's got that round face and those big eyes, but I always thought Arthur did it a little bit extra."

Merlin's face was burning now. A combination of guilt, anger and jealousy definitely wasn't an ideal combination of things to be feeling when trying to comfort a friend after a bad breakup.

"He has no  _tact."_ Gwen said, disapprovingly. Then she sighed deeply. "I really hate this, Merlin." She admitted, her eyes filling with tears again. "From now on I'm going to be that stupid girl who let Arthur Pendragon slip through her fingers."

Merlin got up from his chair and slid into the one next to Gwen. For a minute he just held her, feeling her body heave with sobs. "It'll be ok, I promise," he whispered. "You are going to do awesome things in your life Gwen. You're going to become a millionaire… accountant economics person…" she let out a small laugh which turned into a sob and Merlin patted her shoulder gently, "…and Arthur's going to be known as the turniphead who gave  _you_ up."

"I can't wait," she mumbled, tears still streaming down her face. She wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve. "I didn't even know he had a pen pal," she growled, "I hope she burns in hell."

"She certainly deserves to," Merlin agreed.


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

'I think u r rut' said the message. Merlin stared at it for a solid fifteen minutes trying to figure out what it meant, before he gave up and tried to call Gaius. The line came engaged, as usual. Why didn't Gaius ever pick up his phone? And why was he so insistent on texting when he was so awful at it?

Merlin tried calling him a few more times and then decided to just go check in his office. Gaius usually came in for a few hours on Saturday to help students with their essays. If Merlin was lucky, he'd probably be able to catch him and ask him what the text was all about.

He was scuttling down the corridor, thinking about giving Gaius a lesson on how to text, when he heard Arthur calling out to him. Merlin stopped and turned around, annoyed at how elated he felt just hearing Arthur say his name.

"Merlin," Arthur said again, stopping beside him, flushed and out of breath, "I feel like I've barely seen you since our first night back."

"I know." Merlin said, his fingers automatically entangling themselves in his hair, they way they always did when he was nervous. He wasn't sure why he was nervous. Maybe it was knowing that there was a minute possibility that Arthur was as excited to see him as he was.

"I was just thinking about you this morning," Arthur continued. "There was this professor at the gym, and I swear to god he looked like the lovechild of Hagrid and that alien guy from that Sherlock Holmes show you love so much."

"What? How?"

"He had like, these high cheekbones and a long face but he also had this huge beard and bushy hair. I was getting a drink of water, yeah? And when I turned around he was standing there staring down at me and I legitimately almost shrieked."

"Wait," Merlin said, between giggles, "are you talking about Professor Seibezt?"

Arthur shrugged and Merlin burst out laughing. "Oh my god, you're right! I never thought of it that way, but he  _really_ does."

"Doesn't he?" Arthur asked, grinning. "I told Kay the same thing but he just looked at me like I was insane."

"You  _are_ insane," Merlin shook his head, affectionately. "Seriously, Ares-"

Both of them froze.

Arthur's brow laced with confusion. "What?"

 _What have you done?_ Merlin screamed internally. He could barely breathe. The blood in his veins seemed to have turned to ice.  _Oh my god, what have you done? This is not the way he was supposed to find out._

"I said, seriously scary… like, it's seriously scary how accurate that description is. Why, what did you think I said?" Merlin blubbered, his words coming out so fast he was sure Arthur wouldn't be able to understand him. But the prince visibly relaxed. "Oh, nothing. I don't know what I heard," he said, making an awkward noncommittal gesture.

For a second they stood in silence. Arthur staring at the ground and Merlin's heart beating so hard he was sure it was going to fall out of his ribcage. He had almost let it slip. No, he  _had_ let it slip. He silently thanked the universe for making Arthur buy his pathetic cover up, knowing that otherwise the prince would have found out that Merlin was his beloved pen pal in a half-empty school corridor that smelled like floor cleaner. Merlin couldn't imagine a less romantic place for such a revelation.

"So, Gwen and I broke up," Arthur said quietly, finally meeting his gaze.

Merlin let out the breath he'd been holding, glad for the change of topic.

"I know, she mentioned. How are you holding up?"

Arthur shrugged. "Fine, I guess." His gaze lingered on Merlin, like he was trying to tell him something through the sheer blueness of this eyes. "How is she?"

"Not so good."

Arthur dropped his gaze. "Take care of her, will you? I don't like to see her hurt."

Merlin nodded and then said softly, "You did the right thing. I probably sound like a terrible friend for saying this, but it's better than leading her on if you didn't really have feelings for her."

"My thoughts exactly," Arthur agreed, weakly.

He looked up at Merlin again, a slight lopsided smile on his face. "I'm a total idiot, aren't I? Breaking up with Gwen for a girl who could very well be a ninety year old man with a soul patch?"

Merlin smirked, "While he sounds super attractive, no… you're not a total idiot." He clucked his tongue thoughtfully. "You're about 70 percent idiot."

"And 30 percent?"

"Baby fat."

Arthur gasped and put a hand protectively on his stomach, "I am  _not_ fat!" Merlin grinned and Arthur made a face. "But I'd rather be fat than… 20 percent clumsy oaf and 60 percent ears."

"Nice math skills," Merlin teased, "you just went up to 75 percent idiot."

Arthur tried to frown but gave up and laughed, and Merlin noticed the way some of his teeth were slightly crooked. It was a minor imperfection on the prince's otherwise flawless face, which just made Merlin adore him all the more.

 _Ugh, what am I doing?_ Merlin wondered. Why was he still pining after Arthur when he  _knew_ that there was no chance they could be together? Not after he'd seen how destroyed Gwen was after their breakup. He couldn't do that to her. He couldn't.

"Anyway, I should…" Merlin nodded his head in the direction of Gaius's office, turning away so Arthur couldn't see the yearning he was sure was obvious in his eyes.

"Yeah, I should go too." Arthur agreed. "I'm going out with Mordred. He needs to buy some shoes." He grinned. "Can you believe that idiot managed to accidentally  _burn_ all his shoes?"

"Mordred?" Merlin asked, airily. "The new boy on the football team?"

"Yeah, do you know him?"

"No."

Arthur clearly couldn't hear the curtness in Merlin's voice because he continued cheerily, "He's a transfer student. You should meet him, you'd love him."

"I'm sure I will," Merlin said, his jaw clenched.

"When you meet him, you should ask him to tell you the story about his shoes. It's hilarious." Arthur grinned. "Well, I should probably go. See you around."

Merlin started walking towards Gaius's office, jealousy buzzing around his mind like a bee that wouldn't leave him alone.  _Mordred_.Why was everyone suddenly so obsessed with this Mordred anyway? Who the hell was he?

He reached Gaius's office and knocked loudly on the door. It didn't open. Merlin tried again and then put his ear to the door, but he couldn't hear a thing. So he grabbed the handle and tried to open it, only to discover that it was locked. Baffled, he tried calling Gaius again and then texted him, but when he got no response he decided to return to his room figuring that Gaius must have gone home already. It probably wasn't that important anyway.

He was almost done with the first draft of one of his essays when Gwaine came into the room. He greeted Merlin hurriedly and disappeared again, only to return half an hour later in a pair of spiderman boxers, with his hair wet and a towel around his shoulders. He was pulling on a light pink shirt when Merlin said, "Hey Gwaine?"

"Hmm?"

"Who's Mordred?"

Gwaine grinned, "Mordred? Oh, he's this absolutely adorable new boy on the football team. He is so cute Merlin, he's like an overgrown baby."

Merlin frowned. "Oh."

"Why?"

"Just… been hearing a lot about him, that's all."

Gwaine pulled his trousers on, almost tripping. "He's kind of our new favourite. He apparently went to this really posh boarding school, but he's all sweet and polite and nervous. It's kind of impossible not to like him."

Gwaine glanced at the mirror, making a 'not bad' face. He then sat down and began pulling his shoes on.

"I'm so late," he told Merlin. "Apparently I needed to be there an hour ago to help Kay set up." He made a face. "I didn't ask him to throw a party, why the hell do I have to help?"

Merlin smirked, "Maybe because in a few hours you're going to drink all his alcohol and make out with all his friends?"

Gwaine grinned, "Oh yeah."

He grabbed his jacket and tapped Merlin on the back. "Have fun bowling! I'll see you later."

"Yup!" Merlin agreed, turning back to his books.

Merlin quickly finished his essay, and with an hour still to spare, decided to finally start reading Game of Thrones. He was a couple of chapters in, completely engrossed in the story when the door rattled so loudly he almost fell out of his bed. He walked gingerly to the door, kicking aside the clothes Gwaine had left scattered all over the room. Pulling open the door, he was shocked to see Gaius standing there, looking alarmed.

"Merlin," he said, pushing his way inside and waiting for Merlin to shut the door. "I think you're right."

"About what? That your texts are impossible to read?"

Gaius screwed up his face, "No, about Professor Septus."

Involuntarily, Merlin's whole body tensed. "How do you know?"

"Ever since the… well, incident… I've been keeping an eye on him." Merlin smiled a little and Gaius nodded. "Of course I believed you. I just needed proof."

"So?"

"Today I went to his office to speak to him but he wasn't there, so I decided to go in and wait for him. And while I was there I spotted a book…" He sank down onto the chair by Merlin's desk, looking troubled. "It was a book on sorcery. A few pages were bookmarked so I took a look at them." He looked up at Merlin. "Someone is in grave danger, Merlin." He warned. "When he finally showed up, I managed to get him out of the room again long enough for me to check the drawers, and I found this." He pulled out a vial of purple liquid and Merlin gasped.

"You  _took_ it?"

"I had to test it, didn't I?" Gaius shook his head. "Do you know what this is?" he demanded, putting it down on Merlin's desk. "This is a werewolf serum."

Merlin frowned. "What?"

"If this potion is made on the night of a full moon, the consumer has the power to transform between man and werewolf at will." Gaius fingered the bottle. "This is a trial version, of course. It doesn't have the magical properties because it wasn't made on a full moon night."

Merlin could feel the panic building up in his chest. "But tonight is," he said, his voice cracking a little.

Gaius nodded. "My guess is that he's going to make it tonight."

"And if he does? How long will those powers last?"

"About a week at most." Seeing Gaius look so troubled just made Merlin even more anxious. "Werewolves are dangerous, Merlin. They are illegal creatures of magic that have been known to kill dozens of men in a single night."

Merlin sat down on his bed, feeling ill. "What do we do? How do we catch him?"

Gaius shook his head, miserably. "I don't know. When I went back to his office he was gone. I've been trying to contact him all day, but he's completely vanished. I don't know how to track him... and even if we alert the authorities, I fear it might be too late." He didn't have to mention that if Uther Pendragon somehow found out about this - that there was a professor in his son's school using such dangerous magic - there would be destruction the likes of which no werewolf could even hope to do.

"I don't understand it," Gaius continued, "Gorlois has never seemed like a malicious person. He's always been diligent, married to his work…"

"Wait what?" Merlin shot to his feet and was now staring Gaius, his eyes wide. "What did you call him?"

"Gorlois? That's his first name. He doesn't use it much. He quite hates it, actually."

Merlin grabbed his shoes and began shoving them on his feet.

"What are you doing Merlin?" Gaius asked, surprised at the abrupt action. "He could be anywhere… how do you propose we find him?"

"I know where he's going to be," Merlin said, his voice hard. "He going to try to kill Arthur."


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

Percival looked out the window again, dread settling in the pit of his stomach like sand in a bucket of water. He'd gotten another one of those messages.  _I see you,_ this one said. Despite the fact that he'd gotten it on his phone, he had a pretty good feeling it wasn't meant for him.

He turned around to make sure Arthur was still nearby. The prince seemed fine. He was standing by the snacks table laughing with his friends. It was obvious he'd had a little bit too much to drink and was a little unsteady, but he didn't seem worried or upset. Percival could tell he'd been going through something lately. He was always a little quiet, but for the past few weeks he had been spending hours in his room just brooding in complete silence. Now that he thought about it, Arthur had been acting strange ever since that mysterious old friend of his had stood him up at that café. Percy didn't know Arthur very well back then, so he had just assumed that Arthur was always like that, but as he got to know him better he'd started to realize that something was really worrying the prince. Of course, there was the whole situation with Morgana, which was obviously a factor. But there were several other things which Percy just couldn't seem to understand. There was that day before the football match when Arthur had been acting all dreamy and strange. Then he had been extremely disappointed when his novel-analysis class had ended, even though for most of the term he had complained about how rotten it was. He seemed very content with Gwen, but then inexplicably broke it off with her at the beginning of the new term. He seemed normal when he was with his friends, but when he was alone he would lock himself in his room and pace the floors, only coming out into the living room to watch TV or make himself a cup of coffee. And even then, he seemed distracted and spacey. Which is why Percy was reluctant to say anything to him. He could tell Arthur really needed this respite.

But he couldn't hold off much longer. Something just didn't feel right.

"Arthur," Percy said, cutting into the boys' conversation, "could you come here for a second?"

"What's wrong?" Percy could hear the slight slur in his voice. "I'm with my friends."

"Yes, I know. It will just take a minute."

Taking him gently by the arm, he steered him to the table by the window he had been sitting at moments earlier.

"I don't want to alarm you," Percy said, his voice as low as he could keep it without it disappearing into the pounding music, "but there's someone here who has been sending me creepy messages, and I think they want to hurt you."

"What?" Arthur scrunched his nose. "What messages?"

He hesitated for a moment but eventually sighed, pulled out his phone and showed Arthur the series of messages from the unknown sender:

10:45  _I know where you are_

11:20  _I know what you're doing_

11:35  _I can see you_

Arthur stared at them blankly for a moment and then laughed, pushing the phone back into Percy's hand.

"It's just Kay. He borrowed my phone earlier to 'call some bird he slept with'. He's just prank texting you."

"If it was Kay using your phone I'd know. I have your number saved," Percy reminded him.

"Obviously he's not using  _my_ phone. I'm saying he took your number off my phone and is now texting you dumb messages using someone else's phone. It's not like you have any of my friends' numbers."

"Either way," Percy insisted, "as your bodyguard I don't think we should take any chances."

"You're such a buzzkill," Arthur whined, but he compliantly put down his beer and nodded towards the door. "Fine, let's go."

Percy was surprised he gave in so easily. Maybe a part of him had the same uneasy premonition Percival had had since the moment they arrived at the party. As Arthur went over to mutter his goodbyes to his friends, Percy let his gaze sweep the room again. Gwaine was asleep on the couch, Kay was talking obnoxiously to someone on the phone, Leon was sitting by himself looking a little excluded, a group of skinny blonde girls were pulling at Arthur's arm begging him not to leave… everything looked normal. No one seemed to be watching them. But it  _was_  very dark, and there were a  _lot_ of people there. He was making the right choice.

They were on the road, halfway to Arthur's dorm, when the prince stopped in his tracks and groaned. "Kay still has my phone!"

"You can get it from him tomorrow," Percy said, hurriedly, "we're not going back."

Arthur huffed. "What's gotten into you?"

Percy didn't reply, and instead stared fixedly at the road in front of them, trying not to look at the daunting expanse of wood that surrounded them on either side. Why did Sorsbrooke have to be in the middle of nowhere? Grabbing Arthur's arm, he began charging down the road, his heart rate palpitating.

"Seriously Percy," Arthur insisted, stumbling over rocks as Percy dragged him, "it was just Kay. There's no reason to be so…"

That was when they heard it.

The growl.

"… afraid."

The word hung in the air like an icicle. Arthur froze in his tracks, suddenly looking a lot more sober.

"What was that?" he whispered.

"I don't know," Percy said, trying to mask the fear in his voice, "but let's just keep moving alright?"

Arthur nodded, but froze again when another growl came out of the woods. He looked around them manically, still swaying slightly. "There's something there."

"I know, Arthur, and it doesn't sound friendly. Let's just get out of here."

He grabbed Arthur's arm again but found that he couldn't move. Because standing right in front of them, teeth bared and eyes golden, was a massive wolf.

"He has golden eyes," Arthur slurred softly, "it's a magic… dog thing."

"It's a werewolf," Percival hissed back, fear strangling his words. Arthur fumbled backwards and Percival squeezed his arm tighter to keep him steady. He could feel the prince trembling.

"It's alright, Arthur." Percy whispered. "Don't panic."

"It's not alright! I'm drunk. My head is swimming." He whispered back, his voice shaking. "I can barely walk."

The beast was watching them patiently now, looking almost amused as it's eyes glittered in the moonlight.

"You sit down on that rock over there," Percival instructed, under his breath. "I'll take care of this."

"Percy, no. How the hell are you going to fight off a wolf? It's not going to turn into Michael Jackson and start dancing…"

"Arthur, just sit down, alright?"

Arthur didn't budge. The wolf growled again. A lower, deeper, far more frightening growl.

Percival gulped and let go of Arthur's hand.

That was when it pounced.

Arthur fell backwards hitting his head against a rock, as the beast landed on Percival's broad chest. It swiped it's claw across his face and Percy felt a sharp pain slice through his cheek. He clutched the side of his face as the werewolf sunk his teeth into his arm. The massive creature lifted him and threw him to the side, crashing him against a large tree. Percy crumpled, the shooting, unbearable pain in his arm leaving him unable to move. He clutched his arm and watched helplessly as the monster walked threateningly towards Arthur. Arthur was sitting on the ground where he had fallen moments earlier and was slowly sliding himself backwards, watching the wolf with wide, terrified eyes.

The wolf lunged forward, but Arthur managed to roll out of the way just in time. The wolf landed on the ground behind him, head ducked, looking even more fierce than before. It turned around furiously and swiped at Arthur again, and this time it caught him, leaving a small, bloody cut above one of his eyes. Breathing heavily, Arthur scrambled unsteadily to his feet, blood dripping down his face. Percy could feel his heart pounding hard in his chest and he tried to get up, but again crumpled with the pain. He could feel hot tears singe his eyes. He was supposed to protect the prince, but here he was, lying in the mud unable to move, silently watching as the animal attacked him.

The beast pounced on Arthur again, and this time the prince went sprawling backwards. Arthur let out a sharp gasp as the animal walked across his chest, baring a set of glinting fangs. It swiped Arthur's chest, causing Arthur to cry out in pain before it leaned in, preparing to sink it's teeth into his neck. Percy opened his mouth to scream.

But just then, the beast went flying off Arthur, as if hit by an invisible bolt of lightning. It whimpered, but shakily stood up again, its eyes flaring. It let out a loud growl and took a step forward, and was hit by another bolt that sent it even farther away. This time the creature remained collapsed on the ground, too weak to stand. Arthur sat up groggily and turned to look into the dark woods where the bolts seemed to be coming from. Percival followed his gaze, but saw nothing. Arthur turned to look at him, his eyes full of fear.

There was someone else there.

And suddenly the wolf was hit again, but this time it started slowly transforming. His claws turned into fingers, the fur disappeared. Percival recognized the vague image of man he had seen around the school just as a group of boys, headed by Gwaine, came running down the road.

The last thing Percy saw before he blacked out were Gwaine's wide, disbelieving eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So three chapters to go!   
> For all those of you who have been reviewing, thank you so much!! Your reviews mean a hell of a lot to me, thank you <3


	26. Chapter Twenty Six

_Dear Ares,_

_I think the time has come for me to tell you the truth. I owe it to you - mostly because our destinies have been intertwined in a way I can't even begin to comprehend, let alone explain._

_I have three things to confess. Three pretty big things. So I hope you're not reading this on your phone in the middle of a meal with your friends or something._

_The first one is that I know who you are._

_I've known for a while now, Arthur, but I haven't been able to tell you. Mostly because I didn't want to stop this… our letters. They're the highlight of my week. But I was scared that if you found out that I knew your true identity, you would get conscious and start holding back, and I didn't want that. Ares is a lot more open than Arthur is, and I didn't want to silence him._

_It can't have gone unnoticed by you that strange things have been happening to you. More than anything, I hope this letter helps you understand. I just want you to know, I'm not doing this for me. I don't want to be thanked or acknowledged… I just want things to become clear for you. I don't want you to be confused or worried or afraid anymore._

_Which leads to my second confession._

_I have magic. And I use it for you. I use it to protect you._

_Do you remember the day you were enchanted? Well, I suppose you don't. But do you remember the moment you woke up to find Gwen kissing you? That wasn't Gwen… that was me. I took on her form and broke you out of your enchantment. The enchantment was going to make you do something awful to someone you loved, and someone had to kiss you to break you out of it. I thought… well, I thought Gwen was the one who had to kiss you because I heard that there was something going on between the two of you… that's why I took her form. I hope you remember that kiss. I certainly can't forget it._

_Not even if I wanted to._

_I saved you from the werewolf too. I was hiding in the woods, and thank god I got there on time. I can't even bear to think of what would have happened to you if I had gotten there late._

_I'm also glad those boys reached you in time to see Professor Septus turn back into a human. I hope he gets locked away for a long, long time. I'm relieved you're not going to have to worry about him anymore. I wish I had gotten there sooner to prevent you from being wounded at all, but you're alive and that's all that matters._

_I told you a long time ago that I felt like I've spent my whole life just floundering. Like I've travelled down several roads, only to ultimately realize that I have no idea where I'm going. That I was scared because I didn't know what my true purpose was. It's because I was born a child of magic in a world where magic has been banned. It's difficult, being more powerful than anyone I know and having to live like a shadow. I didn't understand why I was given my powers. I thought they were a curse. I felt like a lamb bred for slaughter._

_But I know the reason now. The reason is you. You, Arthur Pendragon, are my purpose in life._

_I'm scared to admit the third thing, but given that this might be the last time I'll ever talk to you, I think I have to._

_I love you._

_I love you so much I can't even begin to express it. I'm not even going to try, because I'm sure I'm not capable of doing so. You've… changed me. Sometimes, when I write to you, I don't feel like I'm getting to know you, I feel like I'm remembering you. Like we'd lived another life together, sometime long ago. And deep in my heart, I almost believe that the universe brought us together because you were my other half. Like your atom story. Perhaps you don't feel it, but when I get your letters, Arthur, I feel like I've found the other half of my atom in you._

_I guess that's kind of stupid of me to say. You don't know who I am. Well, you do. I've put my heart into these letters. All these opinions and jokes and stories… they're all me. But you don't know who I am in real life. And given all that I've said to you, you probably don't want to know either._

_So I have magic. It doesn't change who I am or what I feel about you. Having magic is like having a birth mark or AB negative blood. It's a part of me but it doesn't change who I am. What I'm trying to say is that not all people who have magic are evil. Yes, there are some sorcerers who have been using their magic for evil, but I'm not one of them. Most of us aren't._

_I've been put on this earth to protect you, Arthur, and I'm proud of that. And I wouldn't change a thing. So even if you go through the rest of your life hating me and don't ever want to talk to me again, I just want you to know that I will still never stop protecting you. You're the reason I was born, my life's purpose, and I will die making sure nothing ever happens to you._

_Always yours,_

_Emrys_

* * *

Merlin rushed into the room, heart in his throat, to find Percival asleep on the hospital bed, his arm bandaged. He stared at the sleeping figure for a few minutes, listening to the loud tick of the clock in the room before he reluctantly turned around. Immediately an immense relief settled over him when he spotted Arthur slumped in an armchair by the window, looking fine apart from the menacing red scratches on his face. His blood-shot eyes were trained unseeingly on his slumbering bodyguard.

"I heard about what happened. How is he?" Merlin whispered, sitting down on the armchair beside Arthur. Arthur started out of his thoughts and turned towards him, looking surprised and disoriented.

"Oh, hey. I didn't see you come in," he mumbled, looking around the room like he had just woken up. "Don't worry. He's fine," he added. "He just broke his arm. The nurse said they are going to watch him for one day, but based on their tests he seems perfectly fine. They'll let him out tomorrow."

"And you?" Merlin asked, softly."Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I have huge claw marks here," he pointed to the right side of his chest, "but they've bandaged it up and everything. I mean, it still hurts like nothing on earth, but at least I didn't break any bones."

"You were lucky then."

"Yeah," Arthur growled, scratching the back of his ear agitatedly, "I'm lucky. I'm lucky that Percy has to endanger his own life for me. He could have died."

"But he didn't."

"Yeah but he  _could_ have. And for what?"

"His job is to protect you, Arthur." Merlin said, trying to catch the prince's eye. "He was hired to make sure you didn't get hurt."

"What if I don't want people getting hurt for me?" Arthur demanded, angrily.

Merlin fell into silence and Arthur sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just.."

"I know."

Arthur fixed his gaze on the ground as he traced the floor's zig-zag pattern with his shoe. "Emrys saved us," he said, quietly.

Merlin looked up, surprised, a cold feeling suddenly spreading through him. "Your pen pal?"

Arthur nodded.

"What do you mean? H… how did she save you?"

Instead of responding, Arthur pulled out a laptop from a backpack that had been dumped on the floor beside him. After a few minutes of clacking keys, he shoved it into Merlin's hands.

"Read this."

It was his letter.

It wasn't the full letter... just bits of it pasted into an empty document.

Merlin's heart thudded as he read the words he had so painstaking written the night before. His confession that he saved Arthur from the werewolf. His proclamation that he had magic. The little bit at the end where he explained that everyone who had magic wasn't evil. Everything else was missing - the bit where he talked about taking Gwen's shape. The part where he said he loved him.

But it didn't matter. Because the fact that Arthur had shown him even this much was proof of the extent to which he trusted him.

"She has magic?"

He couldn't bear to look at Arthur, but he forced himself to and his heart ached as he saw the hollow look in the prince's eyes.

"That what it says, doesn't it?" Arthur replied dully.

"So what are you going to do?" He asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

"What can I do?" Arthur moaned, sliding lower in his chair. His lip trembled slightly and Merlin's heart suddenly felt heavy.

"Arthur…" Gently, he reached over and touched the back of Arthur's hand, letting his fingers rest on his red knuckles. But Arthur pulled his hand away, and Merlin was about to bashfully do the same, until Arthur's fingers suddenly entwined themselves with his.

"Do you know how many people I've lost to magic?" He whispered.

And in that moment, with Arthur's hand in his own, it hit him. His entire life, Merlin had thought only about himself. About how he had to suffer and hide his magic because of Uther Pendragon and his selfish ways. But never - not once - had he thought of Arthur. Now, seeing the acute pain in his eyes, Merlin realized why Arthur was so afraid of magic. Magic had stolen his mother away from him. It had made his father go crazy. It had kidnapped his best friend, and incapacitated his bodyguard. So for Arthur to find out that his pen pal - the one person he thought he could trust - had magic… it must have been unbearable for him.

"Well," Merlin said, fighting back the hot tears that had suddenly sprung up in his eyes, "like Emrys said, magic  _is_  just a quality. It is the way people use it that determines what they are. Everyone who uses magic doesn't use it for evil things."

Arthur remained silent, still staring at the patterned ground.

"She knows who I am," he said finally, his voice thick. "She's known who I am for a while now."

Merlin remained silent, afraid that his voice would shake if he tried to say anything.

"I've been thinking back, and there's only one way she could have known who I was. That night I was waiting for her in The Bean? She… she must have come in, seen me and left." The pain in his voice hurt Merlin more than he could believe.

"Why would she do that?" he asked, choking the words out.

"Because she knew who I was! Everyone knows what my father's opinion on magic is. She must have seen I was the prince, got repulsed and left! There's no other explanation." Merlin felt a flutter of disappointment as Arthur pulled his hand out from his to clutch the armrest of his chair instead.

"Arthur, don't be stupid. Why would she continue writing to you if she hated you?"

Arthur flinched. "She doesn't hate me."

"Then what's the problem?"

"How can I love someone who has magic?"

The words felt like a blow. It would have hurt less to have Arthur stab him in the gut with a searing hot blade.

The lump in his throat was so big that Merlin couldn't speak, and he turned away to quickly wipe the burning tears that had leaked out of his eyes.

The sudden silence was deafening. Arthur finally turned towards him, expecting an answer, and Merlin quickly faked a smile, hoping the pain he was feeling inside wasn't visible on his face.

"You should use magic related pickup lines!" He said, his voice bubbly. Arthur frowned. "I guarantee you they have a hundred percent success rate." Merlin continued, cheerily.

"Be serious Merlin," Arthur groused.

Looking into those big blue eyes was utter agony. Merlin tried to ignore the way his heart was hurting.

"I am serious, Arthur," he said, staring down at his hands. "Just go up to her and be like 'I'm  _enchanted_ to meet you. My, aren't you  _bewitching'."_

"There really are no limits to your wit, are there?" Arthur muttered sarcastically, but Merlin could see a hint of a smile pricking his lips.

"Or how about 'You must have magic, because you've got me under your spell'."

Arthur grimaced.

"I'm not a sorcerer, but I can still make your clothes disappear."

"Shut up, Merlin." Arthur said giggling, shoving him with his elbow. "You are such a clot."

"Or use something a little more fitting for your situation. How about 'you saved me from a giant werewolf, but who's going to save you from my giant…"

"Oh my god, you don't think it's  _Gwaine_ do you?"

"What?" For a second, Merlin was taken completely off-guard.

"At one point I saw Gwaine peer in through the glass and then disappear. You don't think  _he's_  Emrys, do you?"

Despite everything, Merlin cracked a smile. "You know, that could actually work out really well. Provided of course, you enjoy spending your evenings discussing the intricacies of zombie movies."

Arthur made a face. "I supposed I could live with that. But I don't think I could deal with him eating all the food off my plate when I wasn't looking."

Merlin shrugged. "He's funny, he's attractive, he's good at football… you could do much worse."

"The other day he dropped a bag of M&M's onto the floor and ate all of them, including the ones that had been stepped on."

"So he doesn't understand the five second rule…"

" _Merlin_."

Merlin snickered. "Who do you want it to be, then?"

Arthur faltered, and for one breathless second, Merlin almost believed that the wistful longing in Arthur's eyes was directed at him. "I don't know," Arthur said, shrugging, "I just don't think  _Gwaine_  is the one for me."

"I think you two would be adorable together."

Arthur shook his head, chuckling. "According to you I'd be adorable with anyone I date."

"Except Mordred," Merlin blurted out without thinking.

Arthur looked up at him, an amused smile on his face. "And why wouldn't I look cute with Mordred?"

Merlin shrugged vaguely, "I think Gwaine likes him," he lied, "so it would be rude of me to say the two of you would make a good couple."

"Not that I'd want to date him anyway," Arthur said indifferently, "he reminds me of my ten year old cousin."

Merlin eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to say something when he heard a groan. The two of them spun around just in time to see Percival sit up in his bed, his brow furrowed as he squinted in the sunlight that was filtering into the room.

"Hey you guys," Percival said, spotting them, a wide smile spreading across his face. "What did I miss?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much for the reviews and kudos. Honestly, you have no idea how happy they make me.   
> I'm going on vacation next week (for about a fortnight), and I don't think I'll have access to wi-fi. There are about... two chapters left? I'm trying to post everything before I leave, but if I don't manage I'm sorry. I'll finish posting them once I'm back. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys SO much for your reviews on the last chapter!!! They were so so sweet and wonderful, thank you!! :)   
> Sorry about how long this update took, but I hope it was worth it.   
> Enjoy!

A week passed.

Arthur was excused from his classes so Merlin didn't see him at all. And apart from the few texts Arthur sent him (including a confused text wondering why Merlin had tried to call him so many times the night of the werewolf attack) he didn't hear much from him either. The most distressing part, however, was the fact that 'Ares' hadn't sent him any emails. In fact, it was driving him absolutely insane. There he was, laying it all out on the line and Arthur didn't even have the decency to reply. He told himself not to expect a reply. After all, he had just confessed three huge things to him. Arthur was probably angry and needed time.

But that didn't stop Merlin from checking his email eight times a day.

He needed to hear  _something._ Anything. Even if it was Arthur telling him that their correspondence was over. For some reason, leaving things hanging felt worse than having it end badly. But then again, he didn't think he could bear hearing Arthur tell him once again that he couldn't love someone who had magic. And having it immortalized in writing too!

Gwaine could see how tense he was, and initially assumed the reason was that he was worried about Arthur's injuries from the werewolf attack. It was only after a lot of prodding that Merlin told him about the letter. He didn't mention the magic reveal, of course… but he told him about how he'd confessed his feelings to Arthur, and about how Arthur hadn't replied.

"You're being stupid," Gwaine told him, after he was done narrating his story. "You're playing it safe. If you don't take a risk, nothing is going to happen between you two. You just need to go up to him - in person - and say 'Hey Arthur. I'm Emrys.'"

But Merlin knew he couldn't do it. If Arthur knew he was Emrys he would start ignoring both Merlin  _and_ Emrys, and Merlin didn't think he could bear that. Not to mention that he couldn't do it to Gwen. Her friendship meant a lot to him, and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardise it. As hard as it was, he would rather just remain friends with Arthur than be more than that and lose Gwen.

Yes, that was it. That was why he couldn't tell Arthur the truth.

* * *

"What's the answer for the second question?" Gwaine asked.

"1876." Merlin answered, not looking up from his books.

"Thanks."

As if by reflex, they both turned to look at Gwen who was staring out of the window. Gwaine turned to look at Merlin, mouthing  _what's up with her?_ and Merlin shrugged. Gwen had been going in and out of these odd silences since her breakup, and Merlin couldn't help but feel like it was all his fault.

"Gwen?" Gwaine asked, cautiously.

Gwen spun around, looking startled.

"Are you alright?" Merlin asked.

"Oh… yes." She smiled. "Just a little distracted, that's all."

"We can see that," Gwaine said, under his breath.

She turned away from the window and stared for a second at her books, which were cluttering Gwaine's bed. She had always been a procrastinator, which is why she constantly came over to Merlin and Gwaine's room to study even though they didn't have any of the same classes. She said seeing them study motivated her to do her own work, but for the past week she had been more distracted than usual.

"Come on, Gwen." Merlin sighed. "You've been like this all week. Just tell us what's wrong."

She looked down at the ground. "It's Arthur," she admitted after a long silence, "after we broke up, I was wishing something bad would happen to him… and it did." She bit her lip. "I can't help feeling like the werewolf attack was my fault."

Merlin laughed. Getting up from his desk, he walked over to her and gave her a hug.

"Gwen! Don't be silly, how can it possibly be your fault?"

"Yeah," Gwaine agreed, "and if it  _is_ your fault, you did a terrible job because he's fine. He's coming back to classes on Monday, isn't he?"

"I just… I feel so bad!" Gwen wailed, "How strange is it that I wished someone would hurt him and then they did?"

"It was a coincidence, Gwen," Merlin said gently, "stop beating yourself up about it."

"I'm telling you, something weird is going on here," Gwen said anxiously. "Like who managed to fling the werewolf off Arthur? All the boys on the football team keep saying that they saw the wolf _fly_ off Arthur. How? I'm telling you…"

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," Merlin said, dismissively.

Gwaine nodded, "We were too far away - and too drunk - to see clearly. It looked like that, but maybe Arthur pushed it off himself."

"Either way," Gwen said, crossing her arms across her chest petulantly, "I can sense something weird is going on. Wait till Arthur comes back. He'll tell you that his pen pal got injured in a car crash or something and then you'll believe me."

Gwaine snorted, "Trust me. His pen pal is fine."

"I mean, I still hate her. And yes, I still imagine her dying a fiery death," Gwen went on, ignoring Gwaine, "but I don't  _actually_ want to hurt anyone." She turned to Merlin, her eyes wide. "You don't think I'm a sorcerer, do you?"

Merlin's eyes twinkled as he tried to hold back his laughter and Gwen frowned. "I'm serious. Don't make fun of me."

"Gwen, I think you would know if you were a sorcerer," Merlin said finally, allowing a grin to spread across his face.

"Oh like you know anything about magic," she huffed.

"So," Gwaine said nonchalantly cutting in, and Merlin felt a tingle of alarm as he saw a wicked grin spread across his face, "say this… pen pal, finally asks Arthur out. What would you do?"

The swift topic change left Gwen speechless for a moment. She furrowed her brow, her brown eyes thoughtful. "I don't know," she said, finally. "I mean, if Arthur wants to be with her there's nothing I can do about it, can I?"

"So you'd be fine with it?"

"Certainly not," she growled. "Well, it depends on who she is. If it's that Natasha, I swear to god…" She shook her head, aggressively. "She knew Arthur was dating me, but that didn't stop her from grinding on him that time we went to Elyan's party. He was politely trying to push her away but she…"

"Alright," Gwaine said, rolling his eyes, "say it wasn't Natasha."

Merlin sent him a glare, trying to get him to stop. As glad as he was for the interruption of Gwen's story, he really wasn't in the mood to have a discussion about Emrys.

"Again, it depends…" Gwen said.

"What if it was, say, a friend of yours?"

Oh bloody hell.

Gwen frowned. "What do you mean?"

"What if it was a friend of yours who really, really liked Arthur but was scared of asking him out because they didn't want to hurt you?"

Gwen froze and looked from Merlin to Gwaine, her mouth hanging open in astonishment.

"Gwaine?" She gasped. " _You're_ his pen pal?"

"Yes." Gwaine said, blandly. "It's me. I'm in love with Arthur Pendragon."

Merlin rubbed his forehead, wondering why he ever told Gwaine anything at all.

"I didn't think he was your type," she said, a little timidly.

Gwaine shrugged. "What can I say?" he continued flatly, "He's so hot and dreamy."

"But…" She looked extremely confused and Gwaine groaned. "Oh for Christ sake's Gwen, don't tell me you haven't seen the way Merlin moons over him."

"Merlin?" She turned her wide, doe-eyed expression towards Merlin, who could feel his face heating up.

"I don't  _moon_ over him, Gwaine," he muttered, irritably.

The comprehension was suddenly dawning on Gwen's face. " _You're_  Emrys?" She asked, shocked.

"He's been writing to Arthur since before we even knew who he was." Gwaine said, leaning back in his chair, "and he's been in love with him since before the two of you even started dating."

"I was not _,_ " Merlin said defensively, but it came out very half-hearted.

"Oh my god." Gwen squealed. Her eyes were still large with amazement. "That's actually… kind of romantic. The being pen pals part, not the…. oh my god, Merlin. I'm so sorry!"

"Gwen," Merlin said, embarrassed, "please! You have nothing to be…"

Gwen gasped. "And I kept snogging him in front of you! Oh my gosh."

"Gwen seriously, it's not…"

"Now that you mention it," Gwen said, turning to Gwaine, "Merlin did always behave really odd whenever I talked about Ar…"

"Alright, alright," Merlin cut in agitatedly, "can we not…"

"I don't wish that you would die a fiery death," she promised, turning back to Merlin. "Now that I know it's you."

"I do deserve it, though." Merlin admitted, deflating, "I am sorry about everything Gwen. I didn't mean for it to… I mean, it just started as a… it was never supposed to be… well, anything really. He was just a pen pal…"

"But then it turned into love?"

Merlin scrunched up his nose, "Well, I wouldn't…"

"Did you know he was also going to Sorsbrooke when you started writing to him?" Gwen asked eagerly. Merlin shook his head resignedly and she squealed again. "Oh my  _god._ When did you find out it was Arthur?"

Merlin sighed. "We planned on meeting this one night…. it's a long story."

"This is so  _weird,_ " Gwen shrieked, "It's like the two of you were meant to…" She froze. "Arthur thinks you're a girl."

"Yes, I'm aware."

"You never told him you were a boy?"

Merlin bit his lip. The truth was that he had been meaning to ever since he had found out that 'Ares' thought he was a girl.

Initially, he had thought about clearing things up in the letter he sent Ares immediately proceeding the one in which Ares had revealed he believed Merlin was a girl, but Merlin didn't know what to say, and eventually decided that he would just sort it out face-to-face when they met. But after finding out that Ares was Arthur, Merlin couldn't do it. He told himself it would be too awkward to just mention it out of the blue, but the simple truth was that he was scared. He was scared that Arthur wouldn't be as interested in 'Emrys' if he found out that 'she' wasn't actually a girl. And he was even more afraid that if Arthur knew he was a boy, he'd guess his true identity, and that he'd be even less interested when he found out that Emrys was  _Merlin._

'Less interested' was putting in lightly. Merlin couldn't bear to picture that disgusted look on his face.

"By the time I realized he thought I was a girl it was too late to correct him," Merlin said, feebly.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What are you going to do now?"

"Nothing," Merlin muttered, "Nothing can happen between us."

"Merlin," Gwen said, her eyes shining, "I'm not going to lie. It will take me a while to get over Arthur. But if anyone has to date him, I'd rather it be you. I mean, you guys found each other over the internet and you just so happened to end up going to the same school!" She clasped her hands in front of her face. "It's like… destiny."

Her words hung in his mind for the rest of the night.  _Destiny._ Like that dumb oracle kept saying. Arthur was his  _destiny._ But how could Arthur possibly be his destiny if he hated such an integral part of him?

"Do you see?" Gwaine said, when Gwen had gone back to her dorm for the night. "She's fine with it. Now what are you waiting for?"

"It's more complicated than that, Gwaine," he said, tiredly. "There's… something else. I don't really want to get into it, but I don't think it's going to work out."

"Merlin," Gwaine said, sternly, "you listen to me." Grabbing his chin, Gwaine made him look into his eyes. "I would be the absolute last person on earth to tell you to be with someone who doesn't deserve you. You're exceptional, Merlin. Even if you can't see it. And I'm going to tell this to you straight… I hate this. I pretend to be insouciant because that's what I do, but deep inside I'm hurting. And if even I can see that what you and Arthur have is something special, then that should tell you something." Merlin opened his mouth to say something but Gwaine held up a hand. "You like him, and even a blind man could tell from the way he looks at you that he likes you back. So I don't see what the problem is. Tomorrow morning you're going to get your cute butt over to his dorm, and you're going to bloody tell him, alright?"

Merlin smiled weakly. "Thanks Gwaine."

"Yeah,  _thanks Gwaine_  indeed," Gwaine straightened his shoulders and walked over to his bed. "I'd better be best man at the wedding."

Merlin couldn't stop a grin as he turned towards his computer. Gwaine put him in a lot of awkward situations, but in the end he always had a good reason behind it. He was a total turniphead, but he had a good heart under all that muscle. As he opened his email, Merlin imagined what Will's reaction would be if he made Gwaine his best man. He would be absolutely furious.

A 'ding' made Merlin's grin drop.

He had a new message. From Ares.

There was only one line, but Merlin read it over and over again, unable to believe the words.

_Tomorrow. 4pm. The Spritz._


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight

As Arthur had predicted, the grassy area by the little river was deserted when he got there at quarter to four. He sat down by the ash tree, fidgeting with the grass and watching the sun sink a little lower in the sky.

So this was it.

Finally, after months and months of picturing this moment, it was actually happening. He was finally going to discover who Emrys was.

He felt the overwhelming urge to throw up.

He didn't know why he had called her here. It would have been easier to just stop replying to her messages and push her out of his life once and for all. She had  _magic._ Magic had followed him his whole life like a dark, black cloud and every time he thought he'd gotten rid of it, it had come back as strong as before.  _Magic is evil_ , his father always told him,  _It makes good people do bad things._ Arthur hadn't completely believed that to be true until the whole situation with Morgana. She had magic too, he'd found out. People on campus were saying so in hushed tones. Apparently, Professor Gorlois Septus had revealed that she was his accomplice. The man had no proof, and Arthur didn't generally listen to rumours, but this made sense. She had magic. That's why she had been so secretive. That's why she had been so conflicted. That's why she hadn't been able to tell him anything - she was afraid he wouldn't be able to accept her.

It was the same thing with Emrys. She had kept her identity a secret from Arthur for so long because she thought he wouldn't be able to accept her. She might not even show up today, Arthur realized. Though that might actually work out for the better. He had no idea what to say to her. What could he say? Could he really tell her that he loved her too? That through her words alone she had made him into who he was today? That she made him feel like he was special and intelligent and….

He couldn't. She had magic and he didn't know how she had been using it. This wasn't like Harry Potter. That was fiction, this was real. She could have been hiding a dark past from him. She could have helped Professor Septus enchant him. She could have maimed or killed someone. The fact of the matter was that he didn't know how much she had been hiding from him, and that scared him.

But for some idiotic reason Emrys's revelation hadn't made him feel like he knew her any less. He still… understood her. He had spent the last week reading all her old emails and had picked up on several subtle hints that indicated she had magic. She had, after all, told him she was keeping a secret from him very early in their correspondence.

He didn't want her out of his life. Whatever said and done, he still cared about her, and the thought of never talking to her again hurt more than the claw marks on his chest. And that kiss… he still had dreams about that kiss.

Arthur stood up and started pacing, suddenly too restless to sit.

Maybe despite everything, he loved her back. But he was crazy about someone else too, and  _when is she getting here_ because things were getting too confusing and he didn't want to think anymore.

If only…

"You know," a voice that sounded painfully familiar and aggravatingly cheery made him jump, "Emrys never said anything about being a girl."

Arthur spun around, his heart thudding hard in his chest, his brain suddenly numb. Beside the tree, a figure was slowly starting to appear out of thin air.

An invisibility spell.

He recognized the voice, but he didn't believe it. It couldn't be. It absolutely couldn't. What were the chances? He stood stock still, his heart in his throat watching as the spell wore off to reveal Merlin standing in front of him, clear as day, in one of those loose plaid shirts that made him look absolutely adorable.

"It said so on the profile," Arthur said stiffly, barely managing to hear his own words over the roar of his heart.

"The profile was a lie. I told you that in the very first letter."

His head was spinning so fast Arthur could barely stand. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish, wanting to say a thousand things but unable to voice any of them. So instead he stared blankly at Merlin, watching as his cheery expression dropped away to reveal the raw apprehension underneath. Those cerulean eyes searched Arthur's azure ones, looking for any trace of a reaction, but Arthur remained deathly still, almost too scared to breathe. Merlin's hand leapt to his hair.

"So," he said quietly, "it's me."

"How do I know it's really you?" Arthur asked, sullenly. He seemed to have no control over the words that were coming out of his mouth. His brain was screaming, whirring, making sense of everything that he had been unable to make sense of just moments earlier. "You could have used a spell to take on Merlin's form, like you did with Gwen."

Merlin bit his lip. "I'm not really afraid of Zombies," he offered. "It was just you and me when we had that discussion, wasn't it? I didn't want to tell you the truth because then you would know I was Emrys. Or start to suspect, at least. And it was just you and me when we were locked in that smelly janitor's cupboard, too. That was terrible. You were standing so close to me. I really wanted to kiss you, but that would have been so weird so I just had to resist and… don't put me through that again, alright? Also, it was just you and me in Percival's hospital room when I was making up those terrible pickup lines… Those were awful. Please don't use them on anyone, they would just make someone break out in hives and…"

Merlin's voice faltered as he saw the unchanging expression on Arthur's face.

"I was there," he said softly, "In 'The Bean' _._ That night. It was me. I didn't abandon you." He smiled wanly. "I came."

There were so many things Arthur wanted to do.

He wanted to scream and shout. He wanted to run away. He wanted to cry. He wanted to punch a wall and tell Merlin that he felt like everything was a lie. But the next thing Arthur knew he was pushing Merlin against the tree, hands on his face, kissing him like his life depended on it.

"I hate you," he mumbled in between hard, desperate kisses, "I hate you. I hate you. I  _hate_ you."

As his lips crushed Merlin's, he tried to memorize every minute detail - the way his lips tasted, the way his tongue felt, the feel of his fingers on the nape of his neck. Arthur ran his hands down his body, grabbing at his bony hips, pushing him harder into the rough bark of the tree. Merlin's hands were on his face, then wrapped around his neck, dragging him closer. There was a urgency in the way they held in each other, in the way they kissed, in the way Arthur's lips traced the contours of his jaw and travelled down to his neck feeling the cool skin against his hot face.

"I hate you so much," Arthur mumbled into his collarbone.

"I'm sorry," Merlin gasped.

Despite the fact that he was completely breathless, Arthur still felt a slight twinge of dismay when they eventually broke apart. The kiss was even better than the one they'd shared before. It feel good kissing  _Merlin_. Feeling that inky black hair on his fingertips. Feeling the muscles in his back. Hearing his husky moans in his ear.

And as Arthur stood before him, chest heaving, looking at his flushed face and his mussed hair and those beautiful light blue eyes, he realized he didn't care. He didn't care if Merlin had magic. He didn't care at all… he just wanted  _him._

"I wanted it to be you," Arthur admitted, his voice cracking slightly. "I wanted it to be you so badly."

Merlin felt like his heart was going to burst. He could feel tears prick his eyes, but he blinked them away and laughed instead, letting the overwhelming joy that was consuming him out.

"You know I planned out this whole speech," he admitted shyly, "but right now, I can't remember a word."

"I have that effect on people," Arthur said, soberly.

They were still leaning against the tree, Arthur's forehead pressed gently against his.

"So you've known since that night, huh?" Arthur asked, nudging Merlin's foot with his own. "And you couldn't find a single moment to say anything?"

"Things kept coming up."

"You couldn't have at least told me you weren't a girl?" Arthur demanded.

"I didn't want you to guess it was me," Merlin admitted. "I thought maybe you would… if I told you I was a boy."

Arthur stepped back, frowning slightly. "But… I mean, would it really have been so terrible if I had guessed it was you?"

Merlin dropped his gaze. "I was scared you wouldn't like Emrys if you knew it was me," he said, awkwardly.

Arthur's eyebrows shot up at that.

"What?" he asked, softly.

"We weren't exactly  _best buddies_  when we first met," Merlin said, pointedly.

"Still!" Arthur groused, "You could have said something when we became friends! I was in agony, you know!"

Merlin looked into those deep, blue eyes which now held a look of unadulterated adoration and his stomach fluttered joyously.

"Yeah well, you deserve it for being such a dollophead," he joked.

"Dollophead," Arthur murmured to himself. He shook his head disbelievingly. "I was in love with two people and they were both  _you_."

"What about Gwen?" Merlin asked, before he could stop himself.

Arthur bit his lip. "I care about her, but I don't… I mean, I didn't really have… feelings for her, as such. In fact, I uh…" he looked down, a little ashamed. "I sort of went out with her because I thought she was Emrys."

" _What?"_

"Well, the two of you are a lot alike!" He said, indignantly.

Merlin grinned. "I'm sorry. I know it must have been confusing for you…"

Arthur's expression suddenly turned serious."No, I'm sorry," he said, his eyes burning into Merlin's. "I'm sorry I said I couldn't love someone who had magic. I don't care about the magic. I love you. I love you so much, you can't even begin to imagine."

For a second, Merlin forgot how to breathe.

"I love you too," he choked out.

Arthur ran his fingers through his hair, that devastating lopsided grin on his face. "I guess I should also say thank you. For… you know, saving my life."

"Twice."

Arthur grinned wider. "Twice."

Merlin reached out and lightly trailed his thumb over the scabbing gash above Arthur's eye. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat," he said, softly.

For a second neither of them said anything and then Arthur laughed. "I was so scared it was going to be Gwaine!"

Merlin laughed too. "It wouldn't have been that bad."

"He knows, doesn't he?" Arthur asked. "That you are Emrys?"

Merlin nodded, smiling.

"That's why you two were trying to scare me!" Arthur gasped. "Telling me Emrys was old and hairy and smelly."

"I could have been old and hairy and smelly," Merlin reasoned.

"You're an idiot." Arthur said, chuckling. He leaned closer to Merlin and left a few soft kisses on his lips. "You know…" he said thoughtfully, between kisses, "you're kind of like my lionheart."

"What?" Merlin asked. He would have laughed if he wasn't so confused by the statement, "How?"

"You know," Arthur grinned, "you were keeping your true identity a secret while you protected me from the shadows."

"And I suppose that makes you the courageous, intrepid explorer?" Merlin asked, skeptically.

"Of course," Arthur said, like it was the most obvious thing on the planet.

"I had no idea you were such a romantic," Merlin said dryly and Arthur laughed, his breath warm against Merlin's neck as he grabbed Merlin's shirt, pulling him closer.

"God. It's so weird to know it's you," Arthur mumbled, "I kept talking about you to you." He laughed again. "I kept complaining about you to you!"

"Before I knew it was you, I kept complaining about you to you too," Merlin said, eyes twinkling.

"Wait," Arthur's eyes widened, " _I_ was the arrogant jackass?"

"You still are one."

Arthur smiled fondly, and Merlin's heart rate increased as he watched the colours dance in his eyes.

"I hate you," Arthur murmured.

Snaking one hand around his waist, Arthur pulled him into a hug. Merlin could feel Arthur's heart pounding in his chest as his warm hands wrapped tightly around him, and as he clutched Arthur back with the same fierceness, he couldn't help but notice how well they fit, like two legos clicking together. And as he stood there in Arthur's arms, basking in the orange light of the disappearing day, for the first time in his eighteen years of existence - Merlin felt whole.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Thank you guys so, so much for the reviews and kudos, they've honestly made me so utterly happy. I had such fun writing this story that I was a little reluctant to upload this chapter because I knew then it would be all over. But I have an idea for a sequel, so if I eventually do write it (and if people actually want one), maybe look out for it? :)
> 
> Let me know what you think of the ending?


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